A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Question: A girl I really like recently told me she's going to pursue a long-distance relationship with a guy she's only recently met. Can I win her over? Should I even try?She and I went on three dates. The first two went really well. On the second we made out for a bit. She revealed to me that there was another guy 'in the picture,' taking things slow was good and she needed time to think. Given that, I waited a week to call her for the third date. At the end of that date she told me she had decided to try the long distance thing with this other guy, apologized, and asked me what I wanted to do going forward/if I still wanted to be friends.I replied that I was disappointed but I thought we should continue to hang out and do things together considering that we're neighbors and get along so well. I suggested she might get back to me after a few months with a final decision about us going forward. That is, see how the long distance thing works out and if it doesn't we might start dating again. I promised not to bring it up before she made her decision. She felt bad about keeping me 'on the hook,' but it was my idea and she agreed. I would remain friends even if I knew I didn't have a chance, but I know this wasn't an easy decision for her and I really like her. Should I just wait for her to decide or keep pressing my case in a respectful way?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2014): I've learned in life that you can't wait around for people.
You have to live your life. If this doesn't work out for her
she might just need you as a friend.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 January 2014):
 not only should you NOT try to win her over, I do not think you should be friends with her.
IF you remain "friends" with her you are settling for what you can get from her (friends) vs what you want (a relationship) and that never ends well.
I think you should let her know that you are interested (you have) but that you can't be JUST friends with her because you want more and wish her well. TELL HER if it does not work out with the LDR guy (it usually does not) that she should contact you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 January 2014):
 Honestly, I would not wait around for her. If the other guy doesn't work out, and she gets back with you, it's because she is settling for you, that is not what you'd want.
I wouldn't try and be her friend either, because when you feel MORE then friendly, being a friend is not really what you are to her. She might be capable of being "only" a friend because she was never emotionally invested in you.
I would look elsewhere for a GF.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (24 January 2014):
 Do you think you can really handle being her friend, knowing she is with someone else? If you don't think it would bother you then the friendship might work. You may have to take a backseat and mind what you say because making a play for her and 'pressing your case' whilst she's still emotionally involved with him might make you a nuisance to her.
She seems pretty determined to give the other guy a chance and who knows if it will work out but do you really want to be sitting on the fence waiting for her when she may never want to be romantically involved with you?
Maybe keep in touch as a casual friend, watch from a distance but do not rule out dating other people. She needs clear space to follow her heart and if you are like a bee buzzing round her, believe me, she will swat you away.
Play it cool, she already knows you like her so the seed is there and you don't need to reiterate the point. If she does work out with him, at least you didn't put your life on hold!
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