A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a LDR of two months with a guy in UK. We talk everyday and he professes his love for meeting a woman like me everyday. He wants to be with me and marry me. I am feeling the same as well but I do have to questions compatibility or maybe I'm just tripping.He is gathering money to come see me soon. He is low in financials and he is working on a business deal to come through. He has expressed to me that he doesn't need my money.Last three weeks he sent me a package from the UK. In it are nice quality shirts. I don't want to seem ungrateful but shirts??? That's not romantic I thought. I just told him it was nice and kept it moving.Then this past weekend was my birthday. I had already planned a Jamaican trip with my girls before we met so there was no way to see how he would have treated me on my special day. He claimed we would have gone to Italy together if not for this trip.Then on my birthday he posted my picture on his bbm to wish me happy birthday. Then called me to tell me that he had bought a two piece African outfit and he was waiting to ship it to me this week due to the complications he had with the previous order.Well now at the time I was in Jamaica hav ing fun and back now. This feeling just started coming to me. I don't know why. I feel upset and disappointed I didn't get a gift on my birthday not even a card. On top of that whatever it is he is preparing to me once again doesn't brew romance. I want to know how to express this? It really does need conversation. I am that kind of girl that don't need much from a man but I want a MAN to be giving, loving and caring not only in words but by action. Should I cut him a slack because this is long distance and even though we met in the states we haven't spent much time together? Should I wait for this grand trip to the States he's planning next month for a month to see how he really is in person?Different thought s are just going through my mind about this. Thanks I appreciate your advice.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 August 2014):
 It is a compatibility issue however. IF you WANT/NEED a man as a partner who will do romantic things for you without being told and it's NOT in his make up to do so, you will be disappointed by his lack of romance.
Therefore before he even spends the money to come visit you, I suggest you talk to him about his ability to be romantic as you define it and see if it will be an issue for him as well... he may say he will TRY to be what you want... but note he is NOT currently what you want and while he may try to be you would spend some time having to tell him what you want and how to be the man you want him to be.
NEVER love a person's potential. ONLY love them where they are currently. then you can't be disappointed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, he Is not asking me for a dime and he insist I not make the trip in an attempt to help him. He is funding his one month visit himself and all expenses paid including hotel because I refuse to have him live in my house. With that said, I am not worried that he wants to use me for money. My only concern is knowing if truly his actions can match his words when he gets here. I want to tell him that I would have appreciated a card because its the thought that counts. I have dealt with so much from my ex in the past where I was too giving and he was just basically comfortably using me and taking advantage. This time I around I will like a man to show me he cares not only by what he says but by his actions. His actions non monetary wise is great. He communicates with me and check s to see that I am ok everyday. He talks to me and comforts me. The only thing I am questioning Is his ability to show romance. Almost seem like someone who is used to being selfish and thinks about himself alone. I may be taking it wrong anyways but how do I handle this feeling of thinking not being romantic is a compatibility issue.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 August 2014):
You can tell him how you feel but it will NOT change his inherent personality which is not as romantic as you would like.
To be honest talk of marriage is a bit premature here and you are setting yourself up for heartbreak.
He's got lots of excuses for why he can't send something.
He is financially limited (which does NOT bode well for any LDR much less a transatlantic one)
are the tickets purchased for this visit yet? DO NOT pay for him to visit.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): Hey yes you should cut him slack he is in a different country then you yes? And at least he did send you something, some men wouldn't send people anything.
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