A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a man at summer, he was really nice and helpful to me, as am a single mum with a 3 year old, he done a few jobs round my house for free, and in that time I got to know him. He has asked if he could take me for dinner and I said yes I will ask my mum to babysit, who said, no she doesn't like him. Or want me with him, as am 25 and he is 42. I don't understand my parents problem he has been nothing but nice to me, has a good job and overall just a nice man. What does my mumsee that I don't ? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2014): If your parents are old-school, they're uncomfortable about you dating an older-man. His experience and savvy as an older-person gives him an advantage. Always be alert when it comes to a man's intentions. No matter how "nice" he is.
They also feel you may be naive, and allowing your gratitude for help, make you "needy" and just happy to have a man (any man) around. He's a stranger to them, who has access to your home. A lonely single-mom is a very vulnerable target. However; whom you choose to date is none of their business.
You're a parent, and will do the same when your children are old enough to date. You will see their point when you have to face this situation someday.
It is correct that you are an adult, and you can make your own choices. Sometimes they need to be respectfully, but firmly, reminded.
They are your parents. You are also the mother of their grandchildren; and finding other people to babysit may not stop their meddling. You can't find anyone you can trust more. They're being protective, but reassure them you know what you're doing; and politely ask them to respect your privacy. Your mistakes in judgement directly effects the safety and well-being of your kids. Having them watching your back is not entirely a bad thing. It was a man who left you a single-mom raising two sweethearts on your own.
They have your best interest at heart, but have to back-off and stay out of your personal-life.
Bottom-line; they're your kids, it's your house, and you're the lady in-charge.
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (2 September 2014):
I agree with the other aunties that it's probably the age difference that's bothering your parents.
You could simply ask your Mum why she doesn't like him - maybe she does see something or know something that you don't. Just don't be accusatory or defensive when you ask and listen to the answer.
And you don't need your parents permission to date someone (although it's nice to have their approval). I suggest getting another babysitter
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A
male
reader, lifesgreat +, writes (2 September 2014):
your mom will see you as her 'little' daughter for many years actually she might see you that way all her life simply because she is your mom.
And the idea of a 42 year old going out with her daughter might put her off as she may feel he is way to old for you.
That is my thoughts anyway .
But it is down to us
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 September 2014):
 a man that is nearly twice your age is what mum sees and she is concerned.
perhaps she is afraid he is using you
or she thinks the age gap is too much.
I will tell you that with my 13 yr gap we are starting to have some issues concerning retirement.
I am 54 and want to retire in 10 yrs.
my 41 yr old husband is planning to work for another 25 and can't even begin to plan for me retiring. it's creating some issues.
IF you stay with him as he gets into his 50s he may slow down... he may no want more children, he may have an ex that eats up his money... or other kids..
and if you stay with him in 15 years when you are 40 and he is 57 you will still have energy and drive to go out and if he is like most folks around my age, then staying home is the preferred plan... you may get tired of that.
If all you want is a casual fun fling, then perhaps your mom does not like that lifestyle.
if you want to be an adult and make your own choices on who to date, get someone else to babysit.
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