A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for just over 2 and a half years, and the time has finally come for him to go off to university in nine days. I'm a year younger, so I'm only beginning the application process at the moment.He's going to the bottom of the country for university, nearly 300 miles away. Now, please don't get me wrong, I am absolutely over the moon that he was accepted! I am immensely proud of him, but obviously I'm also very upset that he's leaving. (On the bright side, we have the same interests, and I'm actually planning on applying for the same course, so if I am accepted, we will be together! (it's just how to last the year :'D))We trust each other, and I don't have any concerns about him living so far away (other than whether or not he can financially plan well enough to eat more than a slice of bread a day), but I was just wondering how to cope with a long distance relationship? The longest we've spent apart is maybe two weeks, so seeing at I won't see him for months on end, I was just wondering if anybody had any golden advice :).Also I understand that this isn't half as bad as other people's situations, where their boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé is on the other side of the world, but the LDR is totally new to me, so if you have words of wisdom, I'd really appreciate a reply!Thank you :)!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 September 2014):
 It will be hard. And you might not survive as a couple.
BUT it can be done and if it's meant to be, well it will happen.
Anyway...300 miles is about 4 hours away... not as bad as all that if you have time and money which college students do not.... try and plan a visit every month.. either he comes home or you go up there (if your parents will allow) I would NOT go more than every other month without a weekend visit.
How do you two communicate now? on the phone, via text or by email?
my hubby and i were LDR from the beginning (12/10) for about a year till he moved to be with me. It was only 100 miles and we had the time and money to be together most weekends.
I LIKE daily contact. He did not like or need it. I had to adapt. Once we got serious we talked about needs and I told him I needed contact daily so we worked it out.
I called him every morning at 8 am to make sure he was awake (he asked me to do this) sometimes we talked for a few minutes, other times we it was 10 seconds of "I'm up"
and then I called him at MY bedtime which was (and still is) much earlier than his. sometimes we talked 5 minutes (or less) and sometimes we would talk for a few hours... it depended on a lot of things... and we were flexible about it.
we also emailed a lot. IN fact, now we live in the same house and we still email for most of our contact during the day.
there is no need to keep it "fun" and "fresh".... just be you and let him be him and be aware that MAJOR changes will happen to him even if he does not want them to.
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (4 September 2014):
 http://www.theguardian.com/education/2012/sep/18/fresher-breakups-can-a-relationship-survive-first-term?commentpage=1
Read this article and the comments as well.
This is also a good forum to get actual advice from other students who have been in the same situation.
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2734950
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2277259
You have your final year of A Levels to think about. You do not have time to be travelling 300 miles regularly to see this boy. You need to be concentrating on your own work.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all for replying,I think I have completely got off on the wrong foot here.In no way at all am I hopefully going here because he is going there. I am a very strong willed person, and I am putting my education before all else. Yes, of course it's a bonus that he's there, but I am putting myself first. I have worked extremely hard to be even considered by this university, because I want to work in film. We don't even want to work in the same field, it's just a very prestigious university. In the end, I want him to be happy, and if that's eventually with somebody else, so be it. But we both believe things can work and we're both extremely confident. Not all long distant relationships don't work out. My sister is now engaged to her LDR fiancé. That doesn't say mine will work the same, but I'm not just going to give up like that.Thanks for everybody's opinions, honestly. However my question was merely tips like the best way to keep in touch and fun ideas. Thank you however for the replies.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (4 September 2014):
He would have had to make the choices way before you though, are you really sure it was a mutually exclusive decision and not blinded by young love?
What we are trying to say, is that it will not be easy. Even if you do go on the same course, he will be a year above you, doing very different things, and socialising with a different group of people. It will not be the cosy, rose coloured existence that you seem to think it will.
Should you break up, could you cope seeing him with another girl every day around campus, in the department, at the student union, potentially doing romantic things - kissing, hugging etc?
Would you be able to give your work 100%?
Do you believe you are going to live together? what he says he wants now, might not be what he wants next year.
Don't put all your hopes into one basket, because you are the only one who is going to end up hurt, and potentially risking your future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2014): The advice you've been given you should really heed to. It's sad but true, he is going to be exposed to a whole new world. Do you genuinely want to study exactly what he is studying now? Or have you convinced yourself in order to stay close to him and ensure you are reunited in a year? What you don't want to happen is get there in a years time and meet all these new friends he's made and realise he's moved on. A friend of mine was applying to the same Uni, same course and waiting for her bf. She was even set up to live in his house share rather than halls. She goes for a surpirse visit in the spring and finds him at home with a girl he spoke about as a friend in his bed. Needless to say she was completely devastated. She had trusted him the entire time and instead he had found a new gf (who knew about the one back in 6th form) but suddenly you just seem like a kid to the people in Uni. Of course it does work for some people, but you have to be really honest with yourself and evaluate how mature your bf is. Is he going to be tempted at the mere sight of single girls, has he done things to lose your trust already...? Only you can decide if you trust him, but base that trust on his actions and not words - anyone can utter promises but few can keep them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
Thanks for replying :)
I think I didn't really explain myself about the course do just to clarify, the same course idea was 100% coincidence. We're both extremely passionate about film and were both told this university was the strongest for our field. So, if (hopefully not, though) something did happen to our relationship, I wouldn't regret my course choice, because this is where I want to he for the sole purpose that this is my aspiration.
Thank you again for the reply :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2014): I totally agree with @celtic tiger. Don't choose your major, university based on your boyfriend or any other person. You should pick the school that is best for you. He might not be in your life in a few years or maybe you won't want him to be in your life after awhile. I am in a university too, and until last year I was all into my school and studies, had straight As. Then I met a guy, who I devoted so much of my time, I messed up several of my very important class grades throughout last year and the beginning of this year, because I wouldn't put the time needed to study and instead I would make sure I was always available anytime he wanted to hang out, I would talk to him instead of preparing for my exam that was the next day. Instead of studying in my school's library, I would drive to his school (where I also studied before transferring to my school) and "study" there :(And what do I have now? The guy is not in my life anymore, thankfully I realized he was an *** and I deserved better, and I am left with an average GPA, which probably will affect my grad school applications. Trying all my best to improve my GPA this year. And when I look back, you can't even imagine how much I regret wasting my time on him, instead I could have had a great GPA and a better knowledge of the subjects I took. Don't make my mistakes! Go to a school that is best for you. Your future and dreams are more important. Don't chase him! All the best to you :)
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (4 September 2014):
Also, if he really loves you, doesn't matter what University you go to, he will still be there. Two of my friends recently got married, having been together since they were 14. They went to Universities at different ends of the country, and did post-grad degrees at different places too. They spent a lot of time commuting, being apart, but held it together in the end.
Don't waste any opportunity that comes your way. Grab everything with both hands.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (4 September 2014):
Hi OP. I teach at a University, and get to see the soap opera that is students love lives every day. I get to see how students grow, change and develop over the three years that they study.
I suspect you will not like what I am going to say next.
I'm guessing he is your first proper boyfriend, so it is understandable that you are in love, and emotionally attached to him. I really do understand that. But in reality, very very few people stay with their first boyfriends. 90% of school relationships do not last into University. This is because people change, they go out into the wide world, have new experiences, meet new people, and essentially grow up.
Right now you are assuming that you will be together forever. You need to prepare yourself for a very tough few months ahead. Because I cannot lie to you, and say that your boyfriend will still want to be with you when (IF) he comes home for Christmas.
He will be exposed to a whole new bunch of people. Thousands. From all walks of life, and from all over the world. He will go to many parties, nightclubs, pubs, bars and house parties. He will stay up all night, drinking, playing music and socialising. He will make new friends, a new social group and he will want to hang out with them. He will meet more young, single, attractive and sexually adventurous girls than he thought existed in one place.
Imagine a situation, where his new best pals are going out with a group of single girls on the pull. He cant, because you are waiting at home. Does he say no thanks, ill stay at home on my own because I am in a relationship OR does he go out and join in? After a while, he might not be able to resist. Could you handle that?
He probably wont call you every day. He will be busy. With uni work, lectures, essays and assignments. Possibly getting a job too. And going out. He wont want to call you.
You will no longer be the centre of his world.
It takes a very strong relationship for it to work. It can happen, but it can be very hard.
I also urge you to think more about yourself. You have basically said you will do the same subject on the same course at the same uni so you can be together. What if you do last, but break up during the course? What happens then? DONT restrict yourself. What is the right place for him, may not be the best uni for you! Please, please, please think this through more carefully. You could be wasting a fantastic opportunity chasing a boy, who may not be in your life in 5 years time.
Now is the time to grow up, become more self aware and put your future first.
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