A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend around ten months. We only see each other twice a week due to work commitments on both parts so the time I get to spend with him is precious. He has told me I'm the first woman he's ever truly loved and he's only had one previous relationship before me. He also tells me that I am the one for him and that he could never imagine being with anyone else. His actions speak louder than his words, however, because when we're together, he's often on his phone placing bets online, and when he's not doing that he's messaging someone on WhatsApp but is always reluctant to tell me whom.He has two mobile phones, one which he uses daily and the other he claims is broken.On the days that we don't see one another, I text him maximum five times, yet he struggles to find time to reply, often telling me he fell asleep or was out with a friend. Another major issue I have with him is he smokes weed daily. He doesn't seem to care what kind of damage it can cause, as long as he gets "that buzz".I haven't mentioned any of the above to him because I don't want him thinking I'm a nag but what do you guys think of this relationship?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (17 December 2014):
 I think there are plenty of oddities with this guy....
YOU must decide if one, or more, of them (the oddities) is a "deal-breaker" for you. If so.... keep looking.
Good luck...
P.S. To me, anyone who puts burning foliage in his/her mouth isn't a partner for me....
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 December 2014):
 Oh dear.
I smoke pot daily. I work full time, I run a home I have a full life for an old lady. I use it for pain management.
IF you do not like that he smokes, then you should not continue with him. DO NOT make a person change for you... it will NEVER work. clearly he wants to smoke pot, and nothing you say or do will change that. If it's a deal breaker for you... end it sooner rather than later.
As for having limited time, if you live close then is it possible that when he's not with you he's with the other person from the phone?
I am also at the "stop rowing the relationship boat" and see what happens.
IF he can't manage to text you but he texts others when with you...well that says TONS...
stop texting.
stop going to see him.
when he is with you if he gets on his phone to place bets or text others (probably women) after one warning of "if you are busy I can leave" YOU LEAVE. OR THROW HIM OUT
sounds to me like he's a time waster for you. you fill an empty spot but not enough to warrant full gf treatment.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 December 2014):
 If you haven't brought up the issue of him NOT really spending time with YOU when you are there (as he is busy on the phone) he might think all is well and this is perfect.
Seems to me that you do most of the "work" in this relationship, so I'd cut the texting to once in the morning, and he DOESN'T reply, don't text no more that day. Because IF he wants to talk to you he can PICK up the phone and call/text you, right?
See what happens after a week, or if he even notice it, if not - then you have to decide if you want to talk this over with him in hopes that he can understand you want more PARTICIPATION from him or if after 10 months you have decided this isn't going anywhere.
I generally don't have a great love for people smoking pot or people who rather drink then spend time with loved ones, I think both pot/alcohol is used to dull emotions and what you end up with... is a DULL LIFE.
He is OBVIOUSLY able to go to work and perform, as he has a job - so his actions DO speak louder to me.
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A
male
reader, lifesgreat +, writes (17 December 2014):
well what ever it sounds like .... it looks like you are not happy in it ? In which case the best thing to do is speak to him and tell him because if not you will just be winding your self up.ok if he hardly sees you and when he does he is always on his phone, he could be messaging anybody but you would struggle to force him to let you know.2 mobile phones .. well usually that is linked to being a dealer but at the same time I have had 2 phones before because one kept breaking.And regards to him replying ..that can be annoying but again there isnt much you can do but explain your point .Regards to the weed ... was he smoking it before you got together ? in which case you knew he was doing it and can not say much .I smoke weed and I wouldn't use the term buzz more like chill .But yeah over all you do not sound happy with him at all ? why are you with him? if you are trying to change him don't bother because people change when they want to change not when people push them.. good luck though :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2014): First of all it is important to remember that you haven't done anything wrong. The relationship is still at the stages of forming, despite you being together for 10 months. You need to speak to your partner, tell him you have some concerns, highlight the fact that you are concerned about him smoking weed. Be open and most of all assure him that you are not moaning but merely concerned about the relationship
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (17 December 2014):
 Busy-busy..He reminds me of my brother-in-law, Drives my sis (his wife) crazy but he treats her like a queen so the rest of us just go, "Oh well, that's just him his own agenda" We shake our heads and move on. some folks are just serial multi taskers I guess. It would make my brain explode to have more than one cell phone So is he normal
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