A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,So I've got a question regarding my "fwb". I can't tell what she wants and wondering if I should end it before I develop deeper feelings for her. First background so you can get an idea of where I'm coming from:We call it a "fwb" but there is no sex, or kissing. Usually just movies after her kids are asleep, we cuddle, sometimes hold hands, and she falls asleep on me. She is in a relationship but she sought me out for the FWB relationship. She wants to be with a woman but doesn't want to cheat on her bf (Yes, I know, I don't like that she is seeing me while she has a bf). She says she is waiting for him to break up with her and doesn't like his drinking or smoking. She used to occasionally talk about being with him in the future but now doesn't unless it's to point out that she wouldn't be able to stand whatever behavior. She says she would want to stay with him IF he changes and gets rid of all the bad behaviors (i.e. drinking, smoking, sending mixed signals, acts like their a serious couple then doesn't, acting mysterious on purpose, etc.). However she realizes he probably wont stop drinking and smoking ever (she's said this). Anyways, with all that going on, she has me, the "FWB". She got and still gets jealous/a little hurt when I mention that I want to date women. She said she would be happy for me but "won't give up" on me. When I talked about how hard it is finding women with similar interests, she pointed out she likes all the same stuff as me. She sometimes isn't clear in stating what she wants in regards to us, so she doesn't send mixed signals (or get hopes up, whatever). I did tell her I would date her if she was single but I don't want to chase her while she's dating cause that would be 1) icky and 2)I'd be a huge douche and I'm not going break up a couple, EVER. She replied that she would date me too if she wasn't tied or bound by rules. She randomly will call me "sweetie" or text "good morning :-)" for days and then not. She also sends a lot of smiley emoticons.She couldn't tell if I liked her until recently. I have developed some feelings for her because she is awesome but I'm getting tired of the semi-drama and vagueness of her answers. So my question is; Is she wanting more but isn't being clear, or am I being used and should I should end it now? Any advice or personal experiences are welcome, sorry for the long, long story!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, OP here. Thank you for the great input so far, I really appreciate it.
In regards to the "bound by rules" she was saying that she didn't want sex for it would be cheating in her book. She says often that she wants to do more (like kissing, sex, etc) but can't because she is "bound" by her relationship.
Hopefully that made a lick of sense, haha.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 December 2014):
 I fear you are being used.
IF you want to force it I would STOP going to her house.
I would stop snuggling on the couch and being there for her.
She is also cheating on her partner and I'm betting she does not view same sex relationships as cheating. IT is.
what would you do if you two dated and she started seeing a guy? is that cheating on you?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 December 2014):
 Sorry, she is just using you as entertainment while she waits on her BF's moves.
Never settle for someone who already has a partner, because they can never give themselves fully. YOU get whatever little "leftovers" she can manage to throw your way (to keep you hanging around).
She isn't looking to date you. She even said she was "bound" by rules, so my guess is, she wants to appear as a "straight" woman and date men. And that she is "tied" - which I would guess was, she is in a relationship.
IF she was ANY kind of serious, she wouldn't WAIT for the guy to break it off. SHE would end it with him.
So no, she is using you. You are her "plaything", her little fantasy "getaway".
Sorry, that is how I see it.
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