A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI have recently came out of an emotionally, verbally very very abusive relationship. He was the love of my life who started turning abusive for past 1 year and I became a typical doormat for him, lost all my self esteem, hated myself for being with him. I believe my love towards him was diminishing for past few months and end I broke out of it, though small part of me wanted him to come to me back. Long story short he called twice after I broke up (currently staying with a friend) in past 3 weeks, no voicemail or text or anything. Didn't return his call though as I don't trust myself with him, he is a very good manipulator. My question is, he is very very good at sex, I miss that. Can I call him for one night stand or something with no emotions, will I be able to pull it off since I'm an emotional person and he is not.I never had one night stands or casual sex in my life as I have few principles one such thing is never have sex unless I like that person and emotionally connected to him. I feel I miss a lot of fun cause of my principles and always playing it safe. Is he worth breaking my principles and I'm not comfortable having sex with stranger so he is my obvious choice. Pls help me.
View related questions:
broke up, one night stand, self esteem, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2014): Been there done that its over let it be .I use to date a guy the father of my daughter he was abusive I missed him dearly but I love me the best.I have been celibate for thirteen years now because you get tired of bull...so I am happier than I ever been live your life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2014): Sounds like a bad idea to me. Ill admit though I've been guilty of going back to a jerk ex cause I miss our intimacy. Can't say it was only for the sex though. For some reason when I am in a relationship with a guy I can't objectify him. I'm only able to "use" someone just for sex if Im not in love with him and never have been. Well you already know if you have sex with him he's going to manipulate his way back into your heart and you two will likely end up back together. They say with each reconciliation it becomes harder and harder to get out of an abusive relationship. When me and my ex broke up I didn't have sex for a year. I'm not into casual sex either. And I was so broken after that relationship (not cause it was good but because it was so bad) that I had no desire to go out or to meet men. For ONE year. It was crazy. And like you, there were so many times I thought about reaching out to my ex. And at times it was hard, I felt like I was fighting myself not to. It's like this powerful urge that makes you feel out of breath. But I fought it. Cause I would remind myself of all the bad stuff I went through and I couldn't put myself through that again. So Id try to repress my urge to call him and kept myself busy instead. After doing this long enough the urge eventually waned before it stopped altogether. And being celibate was worth it. I got over my ex cold turkey, and having that time to myself helped me reflect and eventually seek out men of higher caliber. It was a hiatus that was worthwhile. In hindsight I'm so happy I fought the urge and just moved forward. I'm so much more better off now. I strongly encourage you to do the same. You'll thank yourself in the long run.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2014): This would be a terrible idea and since you are asking for help I'm telling you not to do this. Why on earth would you go back to an abusive ex for anything? That is what you need to ask yourself.
You can live without sex with someone else, try pleasing yourself if you don't already until you meet someone new. If you prefer to have an emotional connection for sex what makes you think you would even enjoy casual sex, let alone with an abusive ex? I'm guessing there are other men out there for you who aren't abusive and who are good at sex.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 December 2014):
 you are asking total strangers if it's a good idea.
YOU know the answer is no.
are you hoping someone will give you permission?
IF you miss sex and want sex, then find a new FWB... but do not go back to an ex because you are horny. BAD reason. very bad reason.
...............................
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (15 December 2014):
well, you don't need our permission but it would be a lousy idea and you know it. It would just be leaving you open to further manipulation and abuse.
Yes lack of sex can be tough but it doesn't kill you. (Trust me, it doesn't otherwise I'd have died years ago) It won't feel nearly so intense once you start getting this guy out of your system permanantly and you won't do that if you keep going back for a roll in the hay.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 December 2014):
 It sounds like a REALLY bad idea. Great sex and all, I don't think it's worth it.
You make it sound like you won't be able to find a GOOD guy who is ALSO good in bed, so why not have a little casual "sexy time" with the abusive ex....
You even mention that YOU get emotionally attached with those you have sex with, so DO you really think it's such a good idea?
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (15 December 2014):
 Does it sounds like a good idea to you?
You say he was 'very, very' abusive, he's a master manipulator, you're still vulnerable, you still have feelings for him and you're an emotional person.
You really need to ask us if meeting him just for sex is a good idea?
...............................
|
