A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A girl I know told me that the love of her life ,her first BF(broke up years ago after a few years of relationship), will always be the one she carers about. I have a question: is this fair to the guy she marries? I mean her future husband (she wants one cause she's getting old) will theoretically be ,at most, the second best ... Is this usual? So if a guy marries a girl that had a previous very long term relationship he has to accept he's at most second place in the "loves of the women" list? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2014): OP here, Thank you all for your wonderful answers.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 December 2014):
 YOU do know that most people DO not marry their first love? And that many of them are still QUITE happy with the person they DO end up marrying?
My first love is unforgettable in many ways, but I think he would have made a bad husband, and I don't think we would have been as good of a match in our late 20's, as we thought we were in our late teens.
This woman is still STUCK on BF #1, actually she is STUCK on the FANTASY of BF #1 - over the years he has become her "perfect-dreamboat" even if... he wasn't anything like that. And IF you are dating THIS woman, I'd let her go. And find someone who isn't living in the past.
NOT every woman is like this. Some women remembers their first kiss, their first butterflies, their first crush, and maybe even their first CAR fondly, but that doesn't mean they can't move forward and expand their horizon.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (16 December 2014):
I don't give two shots for my first love, she was crazy.
Some people just have a yearning for the person who broke their heart. I have a friend who was kind of a player, never really fully committing to anyone. But, if a girl broke up with him, he'd instantly be all over her. She was the love of his life all of a sudden. I saw it happen three times over the last 20 years.
There's a song with a chorus "If you want me for your girl all you have to do is see that you're not the boy for me."
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 December 2014):
 NOT for me.
I am a serial marry-er. I'm on my 4th husband.
When I married hubby 1 he was the love of my life.
same with 2 and 3
same with 4... yes I have great feelings and memories of the past but my number one love (after my children since they always are first) is my spouse.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (16 December 2014):
She is young, of course she is going to say that. I would've said that when I was her age, too, and really meant it!
Little did I know the unconditional, deep, amazing love I would know with my husband, who I didn't even meet until I was 40.
I was so wrong, and so could she be as well when she meets the right man.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (16 December 2014):
 I think almost everyone has a soft spot for their first love but most people do move on. Your first love isn't usually the love of Your life. I will be honest though my mother never got over her first love. They broke up when she was 18 and she married my dad my father died last year and within 2 months my mom looked up first love and they are now together! 60 years later she tells me she never stopped loving this man. I find that sad and rather rare. You should never be second best in someone's life if you are its time to move o
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 December 2014):
 Its not how women work in general, not any more than how men work. Please, do yourself and everyone a favor and STOP generalizing. Any man who marries THIS PARTICULAR GIRL will be her second best, according to her. Yes. But it's not like any guy who's not a womans first love will be second best... More often, women choose to improve their relationships as each one end. Women, like men, don't want to settle, but aim high. Once we know what doesn't work, we choose to find in our next love, something that we think will work BETTER for us. This means, that a first love is more like someone we randomly ended up with in order to experiment, and the more relationships we have, the more we know ourselves and know what we want, and logically the more likely we are to choose our best match. So in this logic, second, or third, or fourth etc.. are BETTER than first.
Then there's the fact that a person can, and often do, love more than one other person in their entire life. Loving one person does not mean you can not love another, or will love another less. You love in different ways, but you still love, equally as much, or more.
For this particular friend of yours... well, if she wants to put her ex on a pedestal and refuse to acknowledge that their relationship ended because it was a failure, and keep worshiping him for the rest of her life... Fine. That's her problem. Let her have it that way. Just don't be the one to marry her, because now you know how she feels.
But please, please, please, remember to NOT generalize. One woman being like this friend of your does in no way mean ALL WOMEN are like her...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2014): She'll probably find someone that she loves just as much or even more , it's just that she hasn't met that person yet and so it's not you either.
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