A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a girl for about 2 weeks now. It's going great but very early days. The one problem I have is she's always late! I know to most people this won't be an issue but it really annoys me. Turning up an hour late and then with no apology. I mentioned it to her once and she got quite defensive. It's obviously just part of her character but can I say something again? What should I do? I like the girl and don't want to ruin things going forward by overreacting. It's not always an hour but 20 mins or half an hour.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 December 2014):
 I agree that it CAN be more then just disrespect.
My aunt was constantly late. FOR everything. Except her work. And I think that was because her oldest daughter managed her time, as in woke her up (her mom that is) and go her out of the door so she wouldn't be late. BUT she also had a job where the arrival time wasn't set in stone (she was a mid-wife) so on call 24/7 basically.
It was the RULE in dealing with my aunt for ANY kind of function/family gathering/vacation planning ANYTHING to give her a arrival time an hour earlier then everyone else. I remember her almost being late for plane for a family vacation to Greece. However, when she hosted ANYTHING you could be sure she was running late, dinner would be late, presents wasn't wrapped til last minute, no one was dressed, and so on.
ALL my cousins (her 4 kids) are/were super punctual.
My maternal grandmother was sort of punctual. I think it could have been part of her generation that you DID NOT arrive on time, you made a GRAND entrance (because BOTH my grandmothers were like that and they were VERY much "ladies")- which would mean you were maybe 5-10 minutes late. People would WAIT for you... Kind of attitude. lol
Aside from that, I would try and start to give her 20 minutes head start. Let's say you want to see her at spot X at 6 pm, tell her 5:45 - see if it makes a difference.
It's only been 2 weeks, it can ALSO be that she is fretting a bit about how she looks to go see you and thus end up LATE, because she wants to look to her best advantage?
If it keeps happening and she is unapologetic about it, then THAT is who she is and there is little hope for YOU to be able to change it. So maybe if it KEEP being an annoyance it's also a sign that the two of you may not be a great fit?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 December 2014):
 Again... if she is late to EVERYTHING it may be organic such as ADHD or some other issue that does cause her to not plan properly and be late.
IT may not be that she is being disrespectful or rude or inconsiderate especially since the amount of time she is late varies and she's late to everything.
Some folks just take longer to figure out how to be on time for stuff. For me it's that I will be early and I never wanted to be early for dates... you look anxious then.
IF she has an organic issue (ask her if she knows why she's always running late) and hasn't yet figured out how to cope with it, then the best thing to do is a small white lie like I do with my chronically late for things hubby... I tell him "we need to be there at 6" and I make the appointment for 6:15 or 6:30... works like a charm.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 December 2014):
 Eh, I honestly dont see why you should bother being polite and try not to ruin things, when she obviously doesnt care. If she had rhe sane unterest in you, as you have in her, and the sane amount of respect, then shed not be doing this. Its really rude to show up late, particularly this late. An hour or 30min with no explanation? She obviously doesnt care much and takes your interst in her for granted, already. I can imagine how this will develop if you continue seeing her.
My advice is: talk to her properly about this, as it IS an issue. If she ditches you because you brought it up then believe me... She wasnt interested in you to begin with, and you just saved yourself some time.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (17 December 2014):
 being late all the time is a show of disrespect and/or ineptitude. Why waste time on someone that can't or won't tell time? Find someone else that can read both analog and digital clocks and forget Miss, "I'm too sexy for my watch".Life's short and it takes someone with half a brain to recognize when the big hand is on the 1 and the little hand is on the 6 that it's half past a monkey's arse and it might be time to catch a clue.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (16 December 2014):
 Having somebody be always late IS an issue for a lot of people.
Read the answers to this question, and then decide what you want to do:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-isnt-bothered-by-keeping-me-waiting.html
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