A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a guy for 6 weeks. He is very loving, contacts me everyday and says he thinks I'm the one.We had a talk about his past and it turned out his previous relationship 18 months ago was with an engaged woman. She was a co worker and told him it was an arranged marriage set up but he still had a 6 month relationship with her and admitted he thought she was sleeping with her fiancée too. In the end she got married and cut off all contact with him. He was heartbroken and hasn't been with anyone until he met me.I can't help thinking that since he has been one half of a cheating couple it shows he is untrustworthy. But am I being too judgemental, can people change and grow? I am confused.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 December 2014):
 I agree that you are NOT being judgmental in wondering IF his past actions means he "might/could" cheat on you too.
I think that is a logical assumption.
Does it mean he WILL cheat? No. But your values and morals MAY be very different from his. My guess is HE didn't think HIS actions were wrong as HE wasn't in a relationship WITH her - he was just the OM (other man) and somehow a LOT of OM/OW think they are doing NO harm when hooking up with a "taken" person, because THEY are single themselves. So who are they "hurting"? Some people will JUSTIFY being a OM/OW with just about any reason/excuse.
I DO agree that the whole "think I'm the one" after 6 weeks... it's a TAD of a red flag. I think he is using that a bit as a line to SEEM like he is head over heels. After 6 weeks, I don't care how much you have chatted and texted, you DO NOT know each other so well that HE KNOWS you are "the one" for him. OR you are the rebound.
I'd go slow on this one. REAL slow.
HE is OLD enough to have his own personal SET of values and morals. DO you know him WELL enough to know what those really are? And if they MATCH yours?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 December 2014):
 It does not mean he would cheat on you. It does mean that he may have a different set of ethics or morals.
Your bigger concern is that after 6 weeks "he thinks I'm "the one'"
sorry.. that's moving a bit fast even for me....
and he was destroyed when she cut off the relationship. He may not be over her yet.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2014): You know, it's weird but I've realized recently that my boyfriend has had the same experience in past relationships. He had an affair with his ex girlfriend while she was with her fiancé and during her marriage. Meanwhile he has told me about another ex girlfriend which I realized his relationship with this ex overlaps with his relationship/affair with the other ex. It's certainly made me question his ability or desire to have a normal, monogamous relationship as it sounds like his previous relationships were built around a lot of deceipt. And they say the past is a huge indicator of your actions in the future. While he has never admitted specifically to the dysfunction and deceipt of his past relationships, he has said on many occasions that he has had commitment issues. The sense I get from my boyfriend is that he has a deep desire to both change and grow. Unfortunately, behaviors that were part of your past can often come back to haunt you. Reverting to old behaviors is certainly in his range of possibilities. Don't give so much height to his words. Watch his actions. Let his actions, not his words, be the deciding factor in the doubt you are feeling.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 December 2014):
 If he's your age then I doubt there's more growth for him. I imagine the reverse situation where I am attracted to a man who's arranged to be married to another woman. No, arranged or not, love or no love, the marriage institution still needs to be respected. My conscience won't let me carry on the affair, even if that person bails out of the marriage later. The thought of sharing a body also disgusts me.
You are not judgmental. You should be with someone who shares your moral values.
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