A
male
age
51-59,
*nnonymous D
writes:Hi last week I went out for a Christmas meal and drinks with colleagues and it ended up with just me and a girl. We both work remotely from the office and see each other on the odd occasion but live near each other.Anyway we ended up have a couple of more drinks together and then headed to the station to catch our respective trains home.We held hands and cuddled and we ended up kissing each other and she was very passionate grabbing at my top while we kissed and cuddled. We were oblivious to anyone around us and we both didn't want to leave each other so we both missed a train each until we decided that we should not miss our respective next trains.We texted each other on the way home a little flirty and I thought this could go somewhere in time.Here is the problem.I am an unhappily married man and I told her a little about my situation ( My Wife cheated on me twice in 16 years)and she is a single mum.She told me I was a nice guy and I should put myself first for once and look after myself. She was so caring and understanding.If we were staying overnight at a hotel we would definitely gone to bed together as the connection was that strong.Anyway I text her the next day to see how she was and she was a little worse for wear after the wine she drank but was still a little flirty.I then said I would like to meet up with her soon as I felt we made a connection.Anyway she said it was awkward as colleagues and me being married and she didn't want to make things worse.I explained it wouldn't make things worse and perhaps we both deserve a bit of happiness in our lives and we could take our time and see if anything developed.She replied that she had to be blunt as she didn't want to lead me on but she wasn't interested in anything or anyone as she has to much going on in her life.She told me she hadn't had a relationship for four and a half years and I wonder if she was just having a little kiss and cuddle and got carried away after a few drinks.The problem I've got is I really like her and would love to get to know her better if she only let me.QuestionsDo you think I should just forget her?Do you think she may get in touch with me in the near future?Should I just leave her alone and see what happens?Any suggestions how I could convince this girl to see me?I know I am married and it has not been great but this girl really got to me and my wife just takes me for granted and to be honest I am getting fed up with her, especially when this girl says I am a nice guy and makes me feel alive again.HELPAny suggestions would be gratefully appreciated
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cheated on me, christmas, flirt, kissing, married man, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2015): You have any children?
A
male
reader, annonymous D +, writes (16 December 2014):
annonymous D is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your replies. You have all confirmed what I thought, but it was good to get other peoples heads up on my situation. You have all given me food for thought. I know if I leave my wife she will take me to the cleaners and then I won't even be able to have a reasonable standard of living. She is very materialistic and money orientated.
I know my life sucks at the moment, but I think it would just get worse financially and get me down.
I will leave this girl alone as I know it is the right thing to do. I will just have to sort myself and my head out first before deciding what to do.
Once again Thanks
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2014): You are married. Your wife is a jerk and all but still you are married. This woman probably likes you but feels she deserves better than to be with a married man who cannot be fully available for a proper relationship. She may be beating around the bush about what she really thinks, pointing out other excuses for her hesitance (we're colleagues, Im not ready for a relationship) because she doesn't feel it is her place to bring up the marriage and put that kind of pressure on you. You are unhappily married, you aren't taking any strides to end the marriage, and you are looking elsewhere. To her that reads: this guy does not have his shit together. She doesn't want to deal with that, understandably. I suggest you keep being friendly to her, stop bringing up the attraction you two had, and take that evening as a sign that it is time to sort out your marriage. If it sucks so bad, end it once and for all. Then you can pursue whoever you want without having to sneak around or lie to and betray anybody in the process.
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A
female
reader, KC12  +, writes (16 December 2014):
 Firstly, DO NOT pursue this woman. She has made it perfectly clear that she does not want an affair with you, and if you push things it is only going to make things worse--especially in regards to work. Sexual harassment lawsuits start that way. Take it for what it's worth; a nice ego boost. Someone else found you attractive. Now move forward. You have a decision to make--leave your wife or not. If you do stay, I suggest counseling. If you decide to leave, I suggest you take care of YOU first before jumping into a "rebound relationship" with anyone else. Maybe after the ink is dry on the divorce papers this young lady you were cuddling and kissing would come back around, and want to see you again. Maybe someone even better for you will come along...who knows?! But DO NOT chase this woman any more, or you will just make things worse for yourself.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (16 December 2014):
 I understand that your wife cheated on you not once but twice so perhaps you're feeling its ok for you to fool around too. Its understandable but it doesn't make it right. Like they say, two wrongs don't make a right.
If you are truly that unhappy with your wife and don't love her, don't want to work things out then be a stand up guy and tell her. Don't mess around and string along two women.
The woman is smart not to get involved. Don't push her into doing something that she doesn't feel good about. Get yourself and your life straightened out first. I know you've got raging hormones right now and had a little bit of excitement that you've been missing..but having an affair is NOT the answer.
Sort it out first. As another poster said, no one on here is going to tell you how to cheat. Don't mess with the other lady until you are free, at least legally separated and not living with your wife. Thats the smartest thing you can do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2014): You need to end your marriage before pursuing or getting involved with other women period. If you're not going to do that then leave this woman alone and don't contact her again until you do. What your wife did was wrong of course but you chose to stay with her and to forgive her I assume so it's not fair to use that as an excuse for cheating. This was all wine induced imo and due to her being lonely and you being neglected. Once the alcohol wore off she realized it was a mistake and she may not want anything to do with you are more than a work colleague after this whatever you do.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 December 2014):
 I think you should forget making her an affair partner. you wont' forget her.. the memory of the necking will live with you a long time....
as she has gotten in touch with you and made it clear that she was not thinking clearly due to the wine, that question is moot.
Yes you should just leave her alone. She is wise and nothing will happen.
The best way to get her to see you again is to divorce your wife, wait a year, then contact her and say "I've been divorced a year are you still available and would you consider dating me now?"
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 December 2014):
 YOU chose to stay with your (twice) cheating wife. CHOSE. So you can't really use HER cheating as an excuse for it to be OK for YOU to cheat. YOU obviously do not have an open marriage.
So, SHIT or get off the pot. Decide if you want to continue this "unhappy" marriage or not. Don't ADD another woman to the mix. You might think you can "date" this woman and "try out" a relationship BEFORE divorcing, just in case... Life doesn't work this way.
If you decide to leave your wife, DO NOT do it for another woman. DO it for you. (and your wife). And then TAKE the time to get yourself SETTLED as a single man (that means get a place to live and sort yourself out) BEFORE dating anyone.
If you decide that maybe, divorce is NOT for you, WORK on your marriage. TALK to your wife. Figure out what NEEDS done to make it work. I bet you SHE is JUST as miserable as YOU are.
Christmas parties is the NUMBER 1 event for adultery. Did you know that? A little good food, some alcohol and good company and whoops there goes the common sense and panties.
The women you fooled around with is being SMART by nipping this in the bud. SHE knows you are married and potentially don't have anything to offer. Sorry, a married man is NOT a good catch for most women. She was LONELY and you were attentive. No wonder she was all for the snogging and cuddling, but once sober she started to actually THINK and what she realized was it is NOT a good idea to fool around with a married man. And.... she is right. In the end, SHE will end up getting hurt.
SORT out yourself, your marriage before you start something you can't take back. Cheating and lying never fixes a darn thing.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (15 December 2014):
Um, I think you should end your marriage and then move on after that is done.
Nobody here is going to give you advice on how to cheat, regardless of whether your wife did in the past.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (15 December 2014):
Leave your wife if you're that unhappy, then look to meet someone else.
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