A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:A guy who stood me up twice before because of work and 'leading a very busy life' has now suddenly showed up again. After 2/3 months or so. I had called the entire thing off after he had seemed reluctant and slow in his replies and apologies. The only thing that has changed since is my new profile pic where I'm looking quite flattering and different. He commented on how pretty it was, out of nowhere. And now continues to let me know that 2015 will be a good and un-busy year for him if I'd still like to hang out. I'm attempting to be as equally slow and uninterested in my replies to him thus havn't answered much except "Thanks :) Sorry can't chat busy lately." but it's proving difficult because he's started texting daily! His interest is so confusing, it goes from 100% to 20 then back to 95 again! The worst part is that I'd really like to go out with him... I hate to even admit it.How should I handle this if I want to see him but don't want to seem overly interested and avoid disappointment? Is he playing with me or is he actually a shallow person?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 December 2014):
 when my husband and I were dating we lived 100 miles apart it was a 90 minute drive and I did it every week for nearly a year...
next time he brings up lunch with you say "when?"
pin down a date.. if he keeps saying "sometime next month" then maybe he's not serious
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 December 2014):
It's possible he was busy. and now he's not and he really is trying.
I'd meet him for a casual say afternoon coffee date or something in public so you can see how it goes face to face.
tread lightly. let him do most of the work.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the great response and advice! For an update:
He's told me about how he's now moved about 1 - 2 hours away. Then he has suggested taking me for lunch sometime next month when he's around. I havn't really said 'cool sure' or 'no way' or anything. Just sort of ignored it talked about other things...
However, I'm thinking of agreeing because 1) I do want to finally just get lunch with him and 2) The overall response here seems to suggest there is no harm in trying once more and 3) I imagine driving out from 1.5 hours away is quite the sacrifice thus a proof to his committment in making it work this time round?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2014): I understand your reservations, since it is really hard to tell a persons true feelings over a social media medium. He may very well be shallow and looking for lots of women online, or may have been busy with a work project or something, and just not gotten back to follow you on there.I think you should give a face to face meeting one more try, and see if he still shows interest after that. If he doesn't stand you up and will still put in the work to see you regularly going forward, and if you decide you still like him as a person, great! Keep in touch.If he stands you up again, write him off. He is not interested and just messing with you online.If after you meet in person he then drops off the map again, and claims to be busy, at least then you know he is not really interested and just flirting online. His busy-ness is just him working thru his "friends" list and you can tell him to get lost.let us know how it turns out!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2014): It sounds to me like your picture has created a new interest from him!I have learnt that playing it cool and replying slowly to texts etc can have a nasty habit of backfiring on you though. I was unsure about about a guy who was messaging me daily - I turned him down too quickly - and then he moved onto someone else when I realised I actually did like him.If you are keen I would let him know. Unfortunately, gone are the days when men liked to chase women. Nowadays it seems if you don't show willing - they quickly move onto their next conquest! Sad but true!!
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A
male
reader, lifesgreat +, writes (17 December 2014):
piss him off!
If people really want to spend time with you they will make it .. and it will be there top priority and they will make certain of other arrangements if failed .
for you all you know over them 3- 3 months he could of been with another girl and now that has blew back in his face he is going back to his B choice ( you )
or maybe he didn't see you as that attractive before and has seen a better picture of you on FB.
I wouldnt bother if I was you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2014): Don't go plunging into this. Take it step by step. engage in conversation with him and find out about him, his lifestyle and interests. You mention that he regularly texts, do not rapidly respond back give it some time (even an hour) before responding. If he wants to meet be selective about the date. Never instantly say yes, ponder on it then politely accept. Time is of the essence. Let the relationship form slowly. He will respect you for it
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