A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi i just want to know what you all think i should do about this situation. im 23 and i met a guy at work, we have been talking alot, and he watches me when i work, i work in the office on the second floor and he works at the desk on the first floor and glass surrounds me so he can see me at all times. im sad because he is married, but i have fallen head over heals in love with him, his smile warms my heart. he is the most generous, kind, funniest man i have ever met. he dresses in dress clothes, smells so yummy, i just cant get him out of my head. i want to be with him as his girlfriend, wife, mother of his children, i want it all with him. he is so smart, and i am so infatuated with him. i want to know everything about him. he says he wants the same thing, and says that his marriage is over that his wife is a good woman but has neglegted him. he is 49 and its not a problem for either of us, and i know my mom will not have a problem with it either. i want him but his wife is fighting tooth and nail to keep the marriage entacted. yes she finally knows about us. he has even moved out and i stay with him quite often. but he dont want to be with her, he has even told her that he wants me and that she needs to move on. he has told me that he will take care of me. what do i do? i cant turn back the clock to change how i feel and neither can he.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (31 May 2013):
Besides the fact that he is married with no current plans of divorce, and that he is far too old for you, this sounds like a great idea.
I am 45 and own my own company. I dress in suits everyday and have many young woman who work for me. I also am getting married in less than a month. Although I kid and am cordial, I still am the boss and never are any flirts reciprocated. Shame on him for doing so.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (31 May 2013):
 Why do I hear hoof beats coming closer and closer?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 May 2013):
 OP in a few years when you have a toddler running around and are maybe pregnant with another and you don't feel up to sex what will you do if he looks somewhere else because you are not taking care of your man?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2013): hahah are you kidding me. the house we are living in is a thousand dollars a month.... they had no children. and she is trying to get alimony. as far as alianation of affection they do not have that here where im from, she told him she asked the lawyer for that but unfortunatly for her and fortunatly for me that does not occur here. i didnt alianate him he left with his own free will, she should have taken care of him better than he would not have had to stray plain and simple. my motto is get what you want out of life, no one is going to hand anything to you so i took what i wanted and if their marriage was strong i would not have been able to take him. he is EVERYTHING i ever wanted and needed. and i am sooo pleased with the outcome. sorry for her happy for me. she might get something from all of this but nothing that will phase our lives, he has plenty. thank you
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 May 2013):
you figure you have 20 years with him... for him to live or for him to be healthy happy and whole?
SHE filed the divorce? He is willing to give her whatever she wants?
If she so desires you will be named as a respondent in their divorce proceedings as an adulterer and the person that caused the alienation of affection. SHE can TAKE HIM TO THE BANK if she wants. If it was me and I was being dumped my my long term husband for a young thing he "knocked up" (trust me these are words that will be used so grow a strong skin honey) I would get alimony and if there are kids under 21 or disabled I would get child support (and at least HALF their college and all their medical care)
This means she will probably get at least some of his pension and almost anything else she asks for.
This will leave you two with VERY little money and a man who is in the twilight of his career. I'm 53 and at 49 I was in GREAT shape, now it's all I can do to move some days... disability at our age comes on FAST...
you say the divorce is going through as we speak, then you say "he wants her to file" if she has not filed the divorce process has not even begun... depending on what state you live in depends on how long and how expensive and protracted this will be.
For example in MY state, you cannot even FILE for divorce till the married couple has lived under separate roofs and had no intimate contact for a period of ONE year. Then you file, and EVEN with a simple non-contested, no property settlement divorce it can take MONTHS to get on the books to be heard by the master. Once the case is HEARD, then the master still has to issue the final decree and it has to be processed and that can be several more months...
I hope it all works out as you have planned. I hope the baby is healthy and happy and perfect and your life is as you wish. Please keep us updated LONG TERM on how things are going...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2013): his divorce is going through as we speak. she had begun the process, he wants her to file so that she can get what ever she wants. he said she deserved that much. and i think im pregnant by him, going to the doctor today, i took a pregnancy test at home and it read positive. yeah!!! he is excited too. cant wait for this life adventure. im am willing and able to take care of him, if he falls ill. i figure i got at least 20 years with him if not more. we just leased a house with an option to buy, he has a terrific job life could not get any better. thanks for the replies
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 May 2013):
If all you want to know is what I think you should do in a situation where a man is married and you want him, then the answer is simple… you do not take what is not yours. Once he leaves his wife for himself, then you can go after him if you wish. Not before.
I love the reasons you list for falling in love with him:
He dresses in dress clothes (well of course he does he’s at work—I’m betting at home he’s in a wife beater and cut offs or something similar)
He smells so yummy (umm shower and shave in the morning will do that for most men at work) betting he’s not so yummy on Sunday after mowing the lawn)
So you have a CRUSH on a man. Lovely. YOU know you are infatuated with a crush you said so yourself. And you have this hot fantasy of him leaving his wife for you (not happening dear one) and have children with him and be the wife and mother to kids for him? And he wants this too? I know at 46 I did not want any more kids but maybe it’s different for men who won’t be doing all the work of child rearing. I prefer younger men and several times relationships ended because they wanted children and I was DONE doing babies. Thankfully my husband who is 13+ years younger than I am never wanted children.
Now let’s talk reality here….
1. The fact that you have to say “I know my mom will not have a problem with it either” is a HUGE red flag that you are NOT in any way shape or form adult enough to consider a relationship with a man. GROWN women do not CARE what their parents think of their partners. Why do you care what your mommy thinks?
2. MEN who want a piece on the side always say “my marriage is over, she’s a good woman but I’m not getting sex , I’m lonely etc.” Having been married a few times both good and bad I will tell you that in this day and age if you want OUT of a marriage, you get OUT… the “my wife is bad to me” is an old classic line by men who want a tight young ass interested in them.
IF he wanted the marriage OVER it would be OVER…. Has he filed his divorce papers? Has he seen an attorney?
What should you do? Personally if you REALLY want this guy… STOP going to see him till he is free of his wife. As long as you are willing to play house and give him sex while he is still legally attached to his wife, you will get exactly what you are getting now. IF you want MORE you have to raise the bar for him. I’m betting YOU are not willing to do so because deep down inside you know in your heart he won’t divorce her for you.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 May 2013):
So what exactly are you asking? Do have doubts about this relationship? Are you concerned about the ethical aspects of home wrecking? Do you feel justified in causing heartbreak in another human being? What do you want to hear?
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (27 May 2013):
Assuming you have thought about the significant age gap and all the problems that could create further down the line (well outlined in previous post), I can’t see what you’re asking. IT’s not like he’s promising to leave his wife, but dithering and finding all the excuses in the world not to leave her, “I don’t want to hurt her,” “It’s not the right time now” and all the others a cheat will come up with when he wants to have it all. He has been very honest with his wife, told her the marriage is over and stated his intent to be with you. There’s nothing you can do about the fact that she wants him back, he has to be the one to make it clear to her it’s over and this won’t change. It’s probably getting to you because it’s a stark reminder that he has a past, and life experience that you probably don’t at your age. Also you may feel some guilt that he left a marriage for you, and it would be easier for you both if she would just go away or accept it quietly. Your man has to be kind but firm in telling her it is over and this will never change. She needs to get the support from those around her to deal with this, because if he doesn’t keep his distance from her, however well-meaning he might be, she won’t get it. This may sound harsh but it sounds like facts are facts: a marriage is over unless both parties want to remain within it.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2013): He's 26 years older than you. When you are my age (50) you will be like my dear friend who struggles to look after her immobile and senile husband of 75 while my husband and and I are still out and about as much as I we were at 30. When she met him we were 22 and he was 47 and our other friends and I cringed at the "old man" she was going out with. We still see him as an old man. And he is. Our husbands are in their 50s and still young and fun. Her husband has not been young and fun for many years and she has missed out on so much life. My friend's older husband was also married when she met him all those years ago and he left his wife for her. She now regularly says (in tears) that it must be karma for the wrong she did as she's trapped at home nursing an old man while she still feels young. Your story hit a note with me as my friend was here yesterday in tears as she feels so trapped and unhappy but can't leave her husband but also can hardly bear to watch all her old friends continue with their fun lives as her life feels dead. My first concern is that this could be what you are saddling yourself with by being with a man 26 years older than you. You are young! Don't waste your youth. Think carefully carefully carefully. Plus he doesn't sound like he is being very graceful or generous about the end of his marriage. His wife has every right to try to keep him and he should be man enough to know that what he has done is wrong and extremely hurtful. Do you want to be with a man who has so little human compassion? So my second concern is the old saying, what he does *with* you he will most likely do *to* you. Be sure that you are not a flash in the pan and, once the magic has worn off, he will be looking for another female adventure. You will then understand how much you and this man have hurt his wife. I do wish you all the luck in the world. But be aware if the pitfalls of a much older husband and be more understanding about the woman you and this man are hurting so badly.
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A
female
reader, Mariab +, writes (27 May 2013):
 Hunny!! I do believe you both can turn back the clock and fall out of love!!! You have not thought this through and neither has he! You are 23 and you are with someone 26 years your senior... To him, with the age difference and his life experience... he will be able to read you like a book! You really need to think this through... carefully!!! 5 years down the line, he'll be 54 and you wont even be 30! Are you helping him to leave his wife for a long term relationship or short term? Are you prepared to be with him as he ages and illnesses of age kick in? Coz this does happen you know? Know fully what you are doing and be prepared for the consequences of your decision!
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