A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a married woman in my twenties who still seeks validation from every man I see or meet. Meaning, I want them to find me attractive. What does that mean? Am I screwed up in the head, or are a lot of women like this? How do you get past something like this? I don't like being this way, and I know I shouldn't care what other people think. Especially not other men since I'm married. I've not cheated on my husband, nor would I ever do such a thing. Yet I still feel the need to fix my hair so it look it's best, and wear clothes that flatter my figure before leaving my house. I want men to find me beautiful, or at least pretty. If I go out and don't get looks/attention from men, I feel like I must not be pretty enough, and it can really affect my mood. I also have a fear of being judged as ugly if I go out in not so nice clothes, and my hair is up. A little background on me: I had a dad growing up, but he was in a band. My mom and I were second best to it. They ALWAYS came first. He never insulted my appearance, though. So I'm not sure this is a "daddy issue" like a few of my friends have suggested. I guess it could be, but I've always had his approval in the looks department. In fact, he frequently complimented me. I inherited a lot of his features, and basically look like a female version of him. So why do I seek validation on my looks specifically? I also don't judge others on their looks, and will talk to anyone regardless of what they look like. So why do I assume people will be judging me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2013): Hi, I'm the OP.
I appreciate your opinions. I feel a little better if it's normal of women to feel this way. I was worried I was just screwed up! lol I also think maybe my friends aren't being honest with me or themselves when they say they don't care what men think. I agree with the poster who said women are raised to believe their looks are the most important thing. I know I was. My mom was obsessed with her looks, and always found something wrong with herself even though there was nothing. She has great skin for a woman in her early sixties, and hair is perfect of course. When I lived at home and wore a hairstyle or outfit she didn't like, she let me know it. So I learned to care about my looks at a fairly early age.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 May 2013):
 I'm 53, no daddy issues, and god help me when a man (not my husband) compliments me on my looks I love it...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2013): I think it's pretty cool that you posted this. :) I have noticed that a lot of women let themselves go down hill after marriage/having children. *gaining weight* ect...
I know exactly how you feel. I have been married, now divorced and still want to look my best! It just makes you feel good about yourself & that's important in a woman's life.
Don't lose that feeling. :-))
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (27 May 2013):
 you're normal!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2013): Because you're just a normal woman OP. Most women want to be attractive to the opposite sex, and some like you live for that.
Stop thinking you're weird or abnormal because of this. You don't suddenly lose your wish to be viewed as attractive just because you're married.
I mean my fiancée is the least caring woman I've ever met when it comes to how others perceive her, but she's still a woman at the end of the day and the opinions of men do have a pretty big impact on her.
7 years we're together and she still gets checked out visibly by guys and she loves that.
she still likes being chatted up (within reasonable limits) she loves compliments, she's a woman and that's what you women were raised to think is the most important thing in life, being pretty and being romanced. So it only stands to reason you'll want proof that is the case.
OP you're normal, just make sure it doesn't lead you into any sticky situations. I have known women to "accidentally" cheat because of their need for male validation, it's still your fault even if you don't initiate a kiss. Also try not to be one of these women that ignores 1000 compliments only to be upset by one insult. Okay forget that haha, all women are like that too.
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A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (27 May 2013):
 It's nice to look good! So I think making an effort on hair and clothes is a plus. Its also great to get some attention from men... its flattering to the ego and makes us feel pretty and desirable... the problem in this situation is the level of need that you have for the attention!
I think this could be a self-esteem issue. You need people's opinions to make you feel good about yourself because maybe deep down somewhere... you don't feel good enough! I would google Louise Hay and look up some self esteem affirmations and listen to them and repeat them. Everything starts with how we feel about ourselves. Good luck and stay beautiful!! xx
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