A
female
age
30-35,
*iede
writes:okay , it is been along time now but i'm back ...and i have a question ..i really need help with it because i have no idea what to do .if you hurt your friend how many time do you say i'm sorry and what do you do when she just doesn't want to listen anymore ?what happened is we had a fight and i said I'm sorry via email because i couldn't see her ..and for the following week she systematically removed me from her life , first she told not to go with her to work then she stopped talking to me all together and finally she deleted me from Facebook ...i'm an idiot ...at first when she didn't want to talk to me i said to my self "okay she is mad at you give her the space she wants" but now i know that she misunderstood this silence of mine ,she thought that i didn't care anymore , that i under estimate her ...i don't know what to do ...i tried to talk to her , but she doesn't want to hear and when told her that i was giving her some space to calm down she said ..i don't wanna hear anymore excuses ...i made up my mind already ..this is a work relationship only nothing more . i really want to make up for what i did but she doesn't believe me ..i'm willing to do whatever it takes to get her back but i don't know where to start help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2013): "but i can't help but think that there is hope . sometimes i think she wants me to keep trying just to prove to her that i still care and that I'm not okay with it all , and sometimes i think she just wants me to leave her alone ..don't know what to do?."What's worse than suffering the pain of rejection from someone you were once close with, is suffering rejection AND trying to read their mind. Just dont' do it. Don't torture yourself with "does she want me to do this and this, or does she want me to do that instead?" You cannot read another person's mind. All you can go by is what they tell you. And she has told you plainly to leave her alone, so that is what you should do. You may think that continuing to bug her will 'show her you care', but she really may not see it that way. It may just annoy her even more. Also, 'showing you care' doesn't change someone's heart if they are already dead set against you.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (3 June 2013):
 Are you a lesbian? I'm thinking that's the only reason she would be acting this way. You came on to her didn't you...
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A
female
reader, Hiede +, writes (2 June 2013):
Hiede is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm confused ....so very confused . she is ignoring me completely . we work in a very small office . we practically sit next to each other ..she talks to everybody ..everybody .i understand that i have to respect her wishes but i can't help but think that there is hope . sometimes i think she wants me to keep trying just to prove to her that i still care and that I'm not okay with it all , and sometimes i think she just wants me to leave her alone ..don't know what to do?....work sucks ..now i hate going to work ..i have actually considered quitting my job just for her peace of mind and mine ...i'm a nervous wreck ..i fight with everyone for no reason and the worst part i that everywhere i go i see her ..i can't catch a break ..i get that i screwed up and i have to pay for my mistakes but it is too much .i really miss her a lot , we spent each day for the last couple of years together ..and now there is this huge hole in my life that i can't fill .. and i can't stop thinking about what happened ..can' stop feeling guilty and it sucks big time ...it is just too difficult ..we were too close that i can't remember what i used to do before her . I MISS HER
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2013): If someone is at the point where they need a "good reason" to be friends with you, then that means they really do NOT want to be your friend. In which case, the right thing to do is to leave them alone! continuing to pester her and try to change her mind is being annoying and disrespectful of her boundaries. It usually doesn't work the way you want anyway. Wearing her down by continual pestering until she finally says "alright fine we can be friends again" is NOT the same thing as her deciding all by herself that she wants to stay friends. it will not feel the same, and it will not be the same.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (30 May 2013):
If someone is willing to completely write you off after a simple fight, my bet is its not worth the effort to try to chase them down again. I did this once in my life, and I regret every moment wasted.....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 May 2013):
 I do not think that what the OP did is the issue.
this former friend does not want contact and no matter what she has to respect that... by trying to push her will on this person she shows a lack of respect for the "friend"'s feeling and wants.
Part of being a friend is supporting and respecting a person's wants needs and boundaries.
OP, what you write sounds more like lovers breaking up than friends.... how close were you two?
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (30 May 2013):
 I still don't see how we can give you the proper advice you need to move forward without the background story on this? your still pretty evasive about the subject, your not saying what it is you have done which is so bad that has made her act this way towards you now, so without this I'm afraid there is little more help that can be given here.
Good luck with what ever you decide .
Mandy
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A
female
reader, Hiede +, writes (29 May 2013):
Hiede is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe talked calmly and i said everything i wanted to say ...the bad news is she still doesn't believe me ...she still think that i under estimate her. the good news is she was calm tonight and she said something which can only mean that she still cares about me even a little bit ...that is my window ..i will keep waiting and i will keep trying until she believes me ...she doesn't want anymore words ..she wants actions ..i hope with time i can win her back again ...but one thing still bugs me ...she said give me one reason why we should be friends ...just one reason ...i said i learned from my mistake and i will not do it again ...she said how can i be sure . i told her the only reason i can think of is that i don't wanna lose you ...she looked at me and said that it is just words ...what is a good reason ?....what ? ..i have no idea the more i think about it i end up with the same solution ..the only reason she should be friends with me is her desire to be my friend ...no more ...no less.the good news is she removed the block on Facebook ...yes we are not friends ..but i can still see her ..which is okay ...i'm happy about that ...thanks to everyone who answered my problem i really appreciate it .
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 May 2013):
Well good luck, but with all this drama, whatever it was you did to cause the problem must have pretty bad or your friend sincerely has some major issues.
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A
female
reader, Hiede +, writes (29 May 2013):
Hiede is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni decided to make one more attempt , i going by her house tonight and i will ask her to hear me one last time ....just one last time ...i will try to explain everything and i hope she believes me ...i really do ..it was a misunderstanding .after that i don't know what else to do ...i just wish she listens to me .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2013): Make one more attempt to say sorry - call her and leave a message or send her another email, and then whatever happens, that's it. If she still doesn't want anything to do with you then you're just going to have to leave it at that and let her think whatever it is she's thinking whether you think it's fair to you or not.
You must have hurt her really bad for her to be so upset at you. She may never forgive you, and there's no law that says she has to just because you said you're sorry. Apologizing is for sure better than not apologizing at all, but it isn't always enough. it still doesn't wipe the slate clean because the hurt has already been caused. So, the best you can do is apologize and then leave it up to her however she's going to feel.
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A
female
reader, Hiede +, writes (29 May 2013):
Hiede is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfirst of all i would like to thank everyone for their answerswhat i did wasn't the issue it is what happened afterwords ...after we fought i told her i was sorry and she said that we will still be friends but not like we were...i told her you have every right to be mad at me and put some space between us ...we work together and we used to go to and from work together ..anyway she went alone for the 1st day and i went by her house she weren't there and when called her she said she is at work already...the second day ...the same thing not a word ..3rd day she told me to go alone and that there is no need for us to go together ...i was shocked at the words ...i thought she just wanted some distance ...i thought that after a while we could talk calmly and i would explain everything but now i know that she misunderstood my silence . she thought that i didn't care anymore and that i was ignoring her . so she blocked me from Facebook. after she blocked me i tried to reach her to explain ...i sent her a message on her mobile and 3 emails and tried to explain that i was giving her some time to cool off ..she didn't believe me and said that i didn't care enough to say anything face to face and that i left her without saying a word and she doesn't wanna hear anymore excuses ..i told her that i am sorry but i didn't know she would think like that ...and nothing .not even a word ...it was all a big misunderstanding and i tried to clear it but she doesn't believe me ...i really care about her and i would apologize a million times if it would make a diff but i don't know .. a friend of mine told me to give her some time and talk to her again but i'm afraid of waiting again and i'm more afraid of saying anything ...We work together and she is ignoring me completely i don't know if she would listen again ...she doesn't even look at me .honestly i have no idea ..i really hope she just listens.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 May 2013):
you have apologized.
she's made it clear that she is not interested in accepting the apology or forgiving you or renewing the friendship.
YOU can't do anything else other that leave her alone.
If what you did was so bad that she can't forgive you, then respect that.
IF what you did does not seem so bad to you that you can't figure out why she won't forgive you, you still must respect her feelings.
Since you have probably tried more than once to apologize and let her know you want to make amends, the rest is on her to contact you.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 May 2013):
Yeah what did you do?
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (28 May 2013):
HI
The only thing you can do is leave her alone now for her to make up her own mind about things. If she still no loner wants to be friends then there is really nothing you can do. Can I ask what was so bad she has cut you from her life like this?
Mandy x
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