A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi:) i'm 16 and I'm extremely unsure about my sexuality. Ive been certain since I was 13 that I was 110% gay. But recently I've been questioning it. I've never had a full on crush on a guy before and I have these weird dreams that indicate that I am somewhat attracted to females. I do think if i see a pretty girl just WOW. I've never been sure if I was attracted to girls because I've never seen boobs in a arousing way but if a girl has big boobs i do stare but not in attraction but i a rather odd fascination. No one thinks I'm gay and girls have admitted they like me and I don't know what to tell them cause i honestly cant tell my sexuality anymore I am definitley somewhat gay but it's whether i'm bi or not that concerns me. I get nervous around attractive guys and girls but because i've always been sure i am gay i've never let myself think of a girl in that way and recently i'm stumped. Would you say I'm bi?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 May 2013):
 It sucks to be bi. I know. I am. Never put a name on it till I was in my early 30s... till then I just had fun. My brother is gay as is my aunt and both of them give me grief for not "committing" and can't understand that I do NOT consider myself gay. AND if I HAD to make a choice it would not be to be a lesbian.
I'm predominantly hetero however and prefer my serious relationships to be with men and my fun and games to be with women.
Putting a label on yourself now is not a good idea. What you need to do is drop all labels and explore your feelings and your desires.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (27 May 2013):
I agree with CMMP. Many people make the mistake of rushing to give themselves a label, which they later question. “But I thought you were gay? So what are you now?”
Trust me it’s not worth the bother. You do not need to rush to attach a description to your sexuality and should only do so when you are confident about it. Human sexuality is complex, fluid and changeable. People often ask, can they change their orientation? The answer is no. You can’t straighten yourself out, for example, if you are gay. But that doesn’t mean you can’t go through life as a gay person, only to be completely stumped when you meet some-one of the opposite sex who you fall deeply in love with. You might try and dismiss it and say you must be confusing attraction for something else, or you might say that because everyone knows you as gay now you can’t go against that. But don’t listen to all those thoughts to dissuade you. Don’t pass up the opportunity of happiness because some-one isn’t the kind of person you thought you would be attracted to, whether that is because of their gender or anything else.
For you at the moment though, whilst you’re unsure give yourself the freedom to explore what attracts you to people, actually think about whether you would prefer to share your life with a woman or a man, and don’t feel any sense of urgency to figure this out. You are so young, people older than you go through all this turmoil too.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 May 2013):
It really doesn't matter what your sexual orientation is unless you're filling out a form. What matters is that you explore it and discover who you really are. If you find a girl attractive and she feels the same, see where it goes; same thing with guys.
No need to force a label on yourself, just do what feels natural.
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