A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'll try to make this fairly quick. I've always been the kind of guy who's really tactful and good with words. I've always prided myself on knowing what to say and having good social skills. But lately, my girlfriend has been making me feel pretty bad about myself and I don't know what to make of it. She had a sit down with me yesterday when I first got to her house about some comments I've been making that upset her. She has had struggles with anorexia and bulemia in the past and has chosen to share that with me. With that being said, she's gained about ten pounds in the last few months and is freaking out about it. She's constantly putting herself and her body down. When she makes comments about how horrible she looks, I always tell her that she looks beautiful the way she is and that she doesn't need to change a thing. Well apparently that's the wrong thing to say? She sat me down and had a serious talk about how not to tell her that because it makes her feel bad about trying to lose weight. That regardless of what I think and regardless of how I prefer her, she's going to loss the weight and to keep those comments to myself unless invited. That she is miserable with her body the way it looks and that she doesn't want to feel bad or guilty about losing weight because her boyfriend likes her with some meat on her bones. It made me feel like an idiot. I don't even know what I said wrong, to be completely honest. She's trashing her body and her appearance and I'm trying to remind her that she's beautiful no matter what. Things like this happen a lot. It feels like she sits me down and corrects me a lot on the things I say that offend her. I've never had this happen before. No body has ever had to tell me I'm being inappropriate of offensive. How do I deal with this? Ladies, your advice would probably be best in this situation. But anyone at all, please, if you have any input, I'd be more than glad to hear it. Thanks guys/gals.
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anorexic, lose weight Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (31 May 2013):
Dude - seriously - you will never be able to say the right thing with this one. Ive seen it before, and it will not get better. Run, dont walk, RUN away...
A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (31 May 2013):
 Also people with mental disorders start to make the the people around them feel like the crazy one you need to get out while you can.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (31 May 2013):
your GF has issues she needs a professional.. you cant help her i would not date a girl with those types of problems its just going to wear you out having to walk on eggshells all the time.. eating disorders are a mental problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2013): I don't understand why she's upset when you said those things to her? I'm pregnant with our third child right now & everytime I whine about my weight my husband would say the same thing you told your girlfriend to me & it makes me laugh....In my mind he was just the sweetest man in the world to still think I'm skinny and beautiful, It seems that your girlfriend is very insecure about her body too much & she's too sensitive which is crazy..she needs professional help not you or maybe let her talk to her female friends its different when the advice comes from a female than a male sometimes.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (30 May 2013):
 You sound like a sensitive and caring person and most girls would appreciate your words - in fact, they would expect you to say something like that. You have to remember, however, that eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia are serious mental illnesses. Her body image is completely skewed, and you can tell her a million times that she looks great but she'll never believe it.
She needs to see a professional who can help her find the root cause of her self-loathing. In the meantime, if your comments make her feel uncomfortable then you just have to accept that for now. Let her know that you're there for her and you love her but don't comment on her weight in any way, even when she brings it up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2013): There's nothing you can say to reassure her about how beautiful she is.
Her low self esteem can only be improved by her accepting and loving herself...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 May 2013):
 I don't think you did anything wrong but i know how you feel.. my husband feels the same way when I whine about losing weight...
you say she's TRASHING her body... if she's NOT being healthy in her exercise or food intake THAT should be addressed and by a professional NOT by you. It's very hard to sit by and watch someone kill themselves. (if she is actively anorexic and/or bulimic then she IS working her way towards killing herself)
In fact this link lists lots of celebrities who DIED from eating disorders:
http://edreferral.com/Celebrities_who_died_or_have_Eating_Disorders.htm
As for your GF's issues what you say to her is "AS LONG AS YOU ARE HEALTHY AND TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF properly I'm happy. I just want you to be healthy happy and whole no matter what." is a good response.
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