A
male
age
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*iddard
writes:I'm in my mid fifties, look 10 years younger, am mistaken for being in my thirties on occasion. I find younger women attractive, but I'm afraid to respond to their overtures for fear of rejection when they find out that I'm much older than they thought. I'm conflicted because I, like most men my age, find them attractive and more open. I have no kids and have never been married. (except to my career, perhaps) I know that they're most likely looking to marry and have a family, which is not on my radar at this point in life. I don't want to mislead. Suggestions? Where can I find a younger woman, evolved intellectually, who isn't interested in procreating? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2013): Not many young intellectual women are going to be interested in a 50 year old guy as a serious long term thing whether she wants kids or not. I mean they likely wont see you as their peer but as someone of their parents' generation. Intellectual women tend to not be the kind to want a sugar daddy which is what most older man /younger woman relationships are seen as and they probably don't want that stigma. They might hook up with you if you're attractive and in good shape and charming, but a long term serious relationship is unlikely. I think it is possible if you find the right person but you need to ask them out so you can get to know them to know if this is the case. If you never ask anyone out then you will never know. Also be aware that many women who initially say they don't want kids, change their minds as they get older and all their friends start having kids and/or the pressure from family and society to conform finally becomes too great to bear. Therefore if you want a woman who truly doesn't want kids its better to consider women in your age range because then you know her decision has stood the test of time.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2013): Since you have such a narrow range of criteria you might want to try dating sites or matchmaking sites.
Lets face it. The more criteria you have the less the possibility of finding someone. Let alone someone who fits all this criteria AND is also attracted to you.
I suggest you prioritise your criteria. If no kids is the most important, then you may want to consider women your age as they will either already have grown kids who are gone, or else have committed to not having kids themselves. If you go for younger women you never know if they might change their mind about kids in a few years.
Finally if you are so deathly afraid of rejection then you need to give up on finding anyone and just go with the "leave it to chance " approach. Leaving to chance means coming to terms with the fact that you may never find what you want or it may take 20 years. But if you don't want that, if you have a goal then you should pursue it and to do that you must learn to not be afraid of rejection. (A 50 year old man should be more confident or at least women will expect that of you. Women expect only teenagers and young guys to be scared. It is a turn off to see an older guy who is still insecure and unconfident.)
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female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (8 August 2013):
 Why not find a woman you are compatible with? Forget about age. There are plenty of older women who look much younger. If you are attracted to someone, do you ask them how old they are or do you try to get to know her first?
I'm in my 40s and I went through a phase of dating younger guys. Now I'm open to meeting any guy, age not withstanding. A younger guy does have its appeal, but very rarely does the relationship end up to be long term. Ironically when I was much younger I went through a phase of dating much older men. In both experimental phases of my life, I did not find true compatibility with the age difference, but I do know of some couples where it worked for a little while. I have one friend who is in her 40s and is married to a man who is in his late 70s. They've been married for over 20 years. She is still a doting wife, but is having an affair with a younger man. I also have a male friend who has been married to an older woman for over 20 years and same scenario...he is having numerous affairs on the side with younger women. They both love their spouses, but when ill health struck, it did not stop my friends from enjoying the remainder of their youth with other lovers.
I'm not saying that this will also happen to you, but if you intend to date someone much younger, be prepared to always have a supply of viagra, be in the best shape possible, and you may be expected to be a sugar daddy like other people have advised.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 July 2013):
 To the anon male poster griping about the tone of some posters: at least the women have the stones to post with an account. People were asked their opinion, everyone gave theirs. Do you have advice for our OP or do you just want to whine about tone? Why not be brave and actually post with an account? It's still anonymous.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 July 2013):
 Anonymous MALE poster asks:
I wonder how the tone of the comments would have differed if the sexes were flipped here? What if it was a 20s-30s woman asking for advice about meeting a nice 40s-50s man who did not want to kids?
Lots of women answering with condescending tones here.
here is my post if the sexes were reversed:
As a 53 year old woman with a 40 yr old husband the ONLY thing I can advise you is STOP AGE TARGETING.
You have an age range and with that you LIMIT yourself.
I suggest rather you go out and try to meet a "man" (age irrelevant) who meets your guidelines (attractive, active, child free (meaning NOT actively parenting vs having children)
At 53 I am in better shape now than I was at 33. I have had my children (they are grown) and I am done with parenting. My husband never wanted children so it works for us.
By targeting a specific AGE you are practicing a form of discrimination and you are limiting yourself.
Personally I never WANTED a younger husband. It happened because I was OPEN to meeting new folks and not age targeting.
did you get the change? a deletion of the two letter WO
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2013): lets face it, there are alot of younger women these days hooking up with older guys. i got left for a younger woman, you will have to take care of her thats all i got to say, give her money, and let her stay at home. they want to be treated like princesses. on a bad note though he did have a baby by her, but thats what he wanted. so get out there and flaunt your stuff, it wont be hard getting one. i have friends on these dating sites that say they get hit on all the time by girls in their 20s, but they are not into young girls. good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2013): I wonder how the tone of the comments would have differed if the sexes were flipped here? What if it was a 20s-30s woman asking for advice about meeting a nice 40s-50s man who did not want to kids?
Lots of women answering with condescending tones here.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2013): If you are a young chic magnet, good. Otherwise it's handy to be rich and generous
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 July 2013):
As a 53 year old woman with a 40 yr old husband the ONLY thing I can advise you is STOP AGE TARGETING.
You have an age range and with that you LIMIT yourself.
I suggest rather you go out and try to meet a woman (age irrelevant) who meets your guidelines (attractive, active, child free (meaning NOT actively parenting vs having children)
At 53 I am in better shape now than I was at 33. I have had my children (they are grown) and I am done with parenting. My husband never wanted children so it works for us.
By targeting a specific AGE you are practicing a form of discrimination and you are limiting yourself.
Personally I never WANTED a younger husband. It happened because I was OPEN to meeting new folks and not age targeting.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 July 2013):
If you want to find love, you will have to learn to deal with rejection. You will have to deal with your fear of rejection. It's part of growing up. Yes, I know you are 50 but I suspect that you have removed yourself from the dating arena for so long because you are unable to deal with that rejection. Social anxiety? Something else? Be honest about that.
So, just start experiencing rejection and you will find the truth that you will survive just fine. People get rejected every day, get up the next morning, dust themselves off and go on about their day. They live. They are not irreparably harmed.
When a younger woman makes 'overtures' to you, be honest, upfront and clear about your age and your intentions. Go out on a date or two and during the date, discuss your dreams and aspirations. She'll know if she wants children or not.
Alternatively, go to one or more of the big e-dating websites. You'll have a larger pool of potential candidates.
And no, I don't think it's impossible for you to find a younger woman who doesn't want children. But if you never date anyone or ask anyone out, you will never ever find one. Pretty basic, really.
Face your fears.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 July 2013):
 When you say younger women are we talking about 30ish or 20ish? I guess it's moot because in any case, you are going to have your work cut out for you, that's for sure. Stricter guidelines, narrows the field.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2013): I am about your age. I am also one of those at that age who attracts girls in their twenties. Some even openly ask me out. Even when I go out with them, I tell them that I don't mind if they find a guy their age, they are welcome to leave me for him. They know my age and for some reason they prefer me. I think the crush blinds them to reality.
I enjoy it, but I don't think long term is realistic.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (16 July 2013):
Dear OP,
First of all, maybe you can become more specific about what you want from a younger woman.. is it just a physical attraction and you'd like to have some affairs? Or are you looking for a long-term committed relationship? Because I could imagine that a lot of younger women would find it thrilling, at first, to start a romance with an older guy. Fine dining, gentlemanlike behaviour, lots of experience with women, good conversation.. that's fascinating for a lot of younger women. But in the long run, I don't think there's many young women who'd want to spend the rest of your life (and the middle of their lifes) with you. Different friends, interests and outlooks on the future. It's not only about having kids. It's about you retiring while they may be at the highest point of their career. It's about you becoming older and less agile while they still are at their sexual peak and full of lust for life. It's about you getting arthrosis, or a coronary disease, loss of hair or all those little age signs while they're still in shape. They will make that calculation, as would I.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2013): Don't fool yourself - if you're 50, you're 50, even if you look 30.So a younger woman is not going to be fooled, and very few will be at your point in life: married to career, no interest in being married or have kids. Young women are at the point where they DO want to get married and have kids, unless they have issues, in which case they will be a perfect match for you.When I got pursued or chased by men your age (no matter how you look, younger or not) it disgusted me and I could not believe they even considered it. Even for all the money in the world.So unless you want a gold digger, go for it.You didn't come here to be judged, so to answer your question - it's difficult. I can't think of any younger woman who has a brain and is not interested in having children and wants to be with an older guy. Put out an ad, and GOOD LUCK because I can just imagine the responses. Then make sure your wallet is bulky and live on!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (16 July 2013):
 I think you will find something on the sugar daddy websites. You can help support a student who just wants to get through school and be loved at the same time.
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