A
female
age
30-35,
*ylyyy
writes:I've been dating my friend for almost a yearalong . I came from rich family and he came from poor family. It has started with him being carying, nice, concerned over me. First we both never thought that we would be dating eachother. I realized that he was a guy I was looking for... I fell in love. Recently everything has been going wrong. Whenever we talk or do something and I express my opinion or mention that I'm not happy with something.He blames me for any kind of argument we ever had, and makes so he is always right and I'm just causing conflict. when I first met him, he was sharing a small studio with his cousin who is lazy, jobless and manipulative person. I helped my boyfriend finding a good paying job. I always keep him motivated and listen to all his problems 2months ago, he realized that his cousin was being manipulative and he has benn using him .He moved in with me. ( I live in a townhouse by the ocean) I was happy and excited to decorate our bedroom. He still in contact with his cousin. 2 weeks ago, he wanted to move back with his cousin telling me that he neither like my house, nor my roommates who are couple and my best friends. i know this was a lie because him and my roommates were getting along . What should do to stop letting his cousin manipulating him over me. I dnt wanna break up with him. I want him to realize that his cousin is using him and manipulating him over me.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 July 2013):
 Do you not see that you manipulate him too?
The fact that you start with “I came from a rich family and he came from poor family” right away tells me you view him, as beneath you. You may not even realize it because it’s a subconscious thing.
You continue on saying “whenever we talk or do something and I express my opinion or mention that I am not happy with something …” how often are you unhappy with something? Is it daily? Weekly, monthly? Are you always unhappy with something He’s doing, or thinking or saying?
“I HELPED my boyfriend find a good paying job” YOU helped him HOW? Was he looking for a new job? How did you help him? It sounds like you are a bit too mothering in your relationship with this man.
“I keep him motivated” ummm… really? So if you fell off the face of the earth he would not do anything? Guess what YOU can’t keep him motivated. Motivation is self-driven. ONLY he knows what motivates him. Perhaps he got the job he got to please you and it’s not making him happy.
He had a fight with his cousin . Was it based on YOUR feelings about the cousin? Was it based on your saying the cousin is lazy, jobless and manipulative?
Why would he NOT be in touch with his cousin? Clearly you indicate you want him to cut ties with this cousin that you do not like. That is NOT YOUR call.
There is nothing you can do. I would
a. Let him move back to his cousin
b. Stay out of his relationship with his cousin and rather focus on your relationship with this man as he is and not how you want him to be
c. stop mothering him. adults make their own choices of jobs and friends and activities.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2013): jesus lady let the man be himself. And who cares how rich you are? He's probably tired of you always making him feel useless and poor, "helped him find a good job" good by whose standards? Is it good cuz he loves it? no? oh...you mean it's good cuz he's making enough money to be good enough for you...
And um newsflash, just because he isnt fighting with ur roomies does not mean he likes them, it means he's a decent guy. His cousin sounds like he sees YOU for what YOU are, and that's the only manipulation I see right now.
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