A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently turned 21 I haven't had a boyfriend in awhile. I consider myself mature and I met a guy a few months ago that is 12 years older than me. He was in a long term relationship so he doesn't want to commit right now. He talks so sweet to me and calls me loving names. He's really busy with his job and I am busy in college so its hard for us to get together a lot. I have great sex with him. I've already introduced him to my family, but only as a friend. My family seems to like him. The thing that bothers me is I have an idea that he is seeing someone else who is much closer to his age. He won't admit this and tells me its none of my business and that I'm not his girlfriend. So I've been patiently sitting back and hoping that he will come around. He calls me everyday from his job and sometimes I can run by his house to see him or we can grab lunch together. I really want him to commit, but he won't right now. At the same time he gives me hope that he'll change his mind down the road. I've seen him with this other woman, but he claims they are just friends, but I think they are together a lot. He loves to go out and party and I do to. We have so much in common. Why would he want to spend time with an older woman (i think she has a kid) when he can he can have me? I don't know I'm so confused. I don't want to waste my time, but he is very sweet to me and this makes me think that he will change. What do you think?? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2009): Hi
after reading your post I think its so sad that you knew this guy had a girl thats a friend and still slept with him. the way to get them is to not sleep with them. right? how do you know sex with the older girl isnt better ? women older are very comfortable with there bodies and arent afraid to explore. plus I think hes insecure and thats why he has you on the side just to feed his ego. hes not in love with you your just a distraction and he likes to play
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): Hi. I think the reason he wants to spend time with another woman has nothing to do with age. He may well already be in a relationship and just being nice and `caring` to you simply for sex. You seem to have started a sexual relationship with him rather quickly and before really knowing whats going on in his life. Maybe distance yourself a little until you know more.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (3 October 2009):
 You Keep asking great questions. I'll keep answering. Why are guys selfish. We as humans tend to be egocentric. We see the world as if were centered on us. As we grow up one of the great challenges is to see things from another person's point of view. Some People are much better than others at this we call them unselfish.
I know you asked about guys specifically and you have had trouble attracting the wrong kind of guy. So additionally I would like to add one of my favorite saws. Bad boys will continue to behave badly as long as there are women out there eager to reward them for that behavior.
Sorry to be short but I have to go now.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): Okay so he is using me really? Why would he come along to my family functions and meet my family? Why would a guy do this if he has no further intentions on making me his girlfriend? Do guys really do this? I'm from a strong loving italian family and if you bring a guy around this usually means more than friend. But I guess he doesn't care about that, is that what you are all saying? Is it that he's bored? Or when he can't be with this other woman he is with me? Is he trying to busy himself because he just got out of a long term relationship?? Why are men selfish like this???
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (2 October 2009):
You asked: "Why do I always meet the wrong one at the wrong time??"
Way back When I was a minor I fished for trout. One thing I learned is that if you fish in shallow warm water you will catch bass, not trout. And if you use tiny hooks you catch crappie, If you use larger hooks the tiny fish wont bite.
What I'm saying is you are fishing in the wrong pond and using the wrong bait. Guys who want to make a commitment aren't interested in getting into bed as soon as possible. You can weed out the non serious offers by making them wait. As to the right pond, you don't meet a baker at a night club, clubs are for players.
FA
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (2 October 2009):
Lets see you're 21 he's 33. Just numbers? I don't think so. He graduated high school when you were in first grade. You don't even know the names of the bands he listened to in high school. Do you realize that he had to replace his cassette tapes with CD's and then with mp3's. He probably remembers when Ronald Reagan was President. So you ask why does he want to spend time with an older woman? Because they have things to talk about when they aren't horizontal or drunk. He's only using you to prop up his ego.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): Thanks for your opinions, but to caringguy, no this is not his ex or child. Matter of fact he said he never wants kids, which really confuses me that he is with her. I think she has money and maybe this is why he is with her, but he does well on his own too. I can't figure it out. Why would a guy meet your family if they are not interested in committing??? I think your right, this must be just a sexual relationship between us and I'm wanting more. Uuggg! Why do I always meet the wrong one at the wrong time??
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (2 October 2009):
 Listen to him. You're not his girlfriend and he's not obligated to tell you anything about his life. You're his chick on the side. Why should he commit to you when he's already getting everything from you without commitment? He tosses you a couple of crumbs and you are running after him giving him sex. Most men do not care about a woman who makes it so easy.
He's with the other woman because she offers something to him that you don't. Obviously it's not enough because he's cheating on her. That doesn't mean you can replace her.
Never get into a relationship with someone hoping they'll change, because they won't.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 October 2009):
He's having sex with you and that's it. If he won't commmite yet, then he won't. Dont' try and change him and don't bother waiting around either. Believe me, when a man sees a woman he wants to be with, he jumps at the chance. He hasn't jumped, so he's not ready. So either you havae to face that this is a purely sexual relationship, or perhaps consider meeting someone else. And this may sound stupid, but are you sure that's not not his ex and child? Did he mention anything like that?
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