A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:one for the guys here??I am I would like to think quite a attractive women, I am a mum but still look after myself.. The trouble is my sex drive is sooo much higher than my partners, it's got too the point that if ever I mention sex he gets really annoyed and says what's wrong with cuddles and kisses? I thought men liked sex ( generalization I know!) he did like sex for the first few months of being together.. We have it once a week but I want it more like 3-4 times.. Am I asking too much? What's wrong with me?
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (25 September 2009):
 I'll agree that there is nothing wrong with you, and also that his proclivity for sexual activity is what may be right for him. Perhaps it is simply a mismatch in that particular category. If all else is great with the relationship, then it may be helpful to spice up the sexual activity a bit. And, as times goes by, people do go through various phases of sexual appetite. It would simply be up to you to decide whether your partner is satisfying your needs and desires.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (24 September 2009):
 In clinical psychology they are very careful not to say what is a "normal" amount of sex. Because it varies so much. What is low for some is high for others. A mismatch in sex drive is difficult for couples to work through. The most important factor for success is a desire on the part of both parties to make it work. Second is flexibility. Obviously something is going to have to change if you want to both be happy.
Stereotypes about men wanting more and women wanting less only complicate the matter. You want what your body needs. Because your drive is higher than his he feels pressure to perform (partly because of the stereotype). That pressure eats away at his ego or self worth. This leads to emotional insecurity. This insecurity translates in him to a desire for more cuddle time and kisses.
So the point. He has an emotional need to know you love him, and that you are satisfied with him. Giving him cuddles and kisses will fill some of that need. He will also need to be praised for his sexual performance.
You also have needs. You need sex 3 or 4 times a week. He needs to be aware of your needs you need to communicate that need in a non-threatening way. You may also consider accepting sexual fulfillment by hand or mouth, if that works for both of you. Mainly he should not be reluctant to give you what you need to feel loved. When you have to nag to get it it hurts both of you.
Sex should be fun and a game, not a chore. either to give it or to get it.
My partner has a lower drive than me. Generally helping her relax with a back rub gets her in the mood. After all what is sexier than having your lovers hands all over your body?
FA
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 September 2009):
You're a perfectly healthy woman, so there's nothing wrong with you! It miight be that he's stressed or tired. Gently find out if there's anyting that's causing him to be more tired or stressed lately. Also, hug him and kiss him. Cuddle up on the sofa. That'll make sure you still have a close connection, and it might get him in the mood a bit more.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (24 September 2009):
 Nothing wrong with you. That's a pretty healthy sex drive. Is your man working very hard? Perhaps there's other stresses going on in his life that you don't know about?
Maybe its just a lack of energy?
You could try and ask him seriously why his sex drive is so much lower than your own.
On the other hand, if he's asking what's wrong with cuddles and kisses, maybe its because he's too tired to really do the job right. Try and figure out when's a better time to sneak some quality sex in. Maybe get up earlier in the morning when he's rested and ready.
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