A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Just a qucik question to the guys who come here! Do you still think about your ex gf's or ex wives whilst you are in a relationship? If so how, when and why?Thanks :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): Hey Guys (and girls!) I was the one who posted this questionThank you for your input. I was wondering because boyfriend came out of a particularly bad break up before we got together and I was wondering that despite the fact that he left her on bad terms if he thought about the good times they had. He tells me he doesn't but sometimes he tells me stories about when they were together- anecdotal stuff to illustrate a point or to tell me about his past life. Thank you again and take care!
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (25 September 2009):
 I think of avoiding the mistakes that were made, trying to be a better man; remembering that there can be good times; forgiveness.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (25 September 2009):
 If I understand this right the original poster needs men's actual experience and not speculation from women. Therefore I'm adding to the already great answers. It is hard from my personal experience since I have been in a stable relationship for almost 25 years. So, I'm going to have to cheat a bit and use my observations of a work colleague. He was divorced around 5 years ago and moved back near his parents to be away from the ex. The separation was long and painful as he had been separated from her once before. Having been damaged by her cruelty and jealousy was in no mood to give her another chance. They have shared custody of his youngest son. So they have to have contact to arrange visitation and child support. He had no intention of getting into another relationship because he felt he wasn't ready. But sooner than he thought he met a woman here who really was a good match for him. So now he is in a relationship and has contact (court ordered) with his ex. Because he is a devoted father he does not avoid the contacts. He does not enjoy them. Much to his bosses (me) annoyance he keeps his voice mail box full so she cant leave half hour messages for him. She did try to stop him from marrying his current wife. Does he talk about his ex? Yes never wistful or happy thoughts. He does share the occasional funny story about her, from back when they were together. From those stories I would say that he was insensitive and would bait her because of her jealousy. So IMHO he certainly has some fault in the break up.
The main point is like most guys he can only think of one thing at a time. He has closed the box of his former wife and has no desire to open it again. Some times he has to. His devotion is now to his new wife. He struggles with her kids, being a step dad is harder. His ex wife has no chance of getting him back. His new wife has nothing to worry about. But he does think about his ex, just not in a romantic way.
FA
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A
female
reader, applebite8821 +, writes (25 September 2009):
 I think it depends on the intensity of your ex's love for you and the time you spent together. Also, it depends on the person if he is the type to entertain such thoughts about you. Some people will savor this thought, some try their best to whisk it away before it consumes them.
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A
male
reader, OzBloke  +, writes (25 September 2009):
That is an interesting question. I will answer it honestly, but I may not give you quite what you are looking for. I'll try.
I spent 15 years with my ex-wife, and loved her every day. Whilst with her, I never spent any time dwelling on the woman I was with for a short while (6 months) before her. I was very happy with my ex-wife and have copious fond memories of our life together (aside from our 4 wonderful children).
When my ex-wife left, it was out of the blue and I had no idea it was coming. We did not fight very much, there was no drama leading up to her leaving. Our personalities meshed together seamlessly and we enjoyed each others' company immensely.
My ex-wife moved on to another man only two weeks after leaving me. She did not make any effort to work on our marriage, nor disclose why she felt it was over. I do not think I ever got the closure to our relationship that I needed after 15 years of love and loyalty. Which may be why I stumble in to what I occasionally do now.
I am now engaged to marry another woman whom I am very happy with. She is a lovely lady and frequently amazes me with a sweetness and devotion I never knew I could feel. I sometimes feel she gives me more than I deserve.
Some days when I am alone, I find myself sad and reminisce over times I had with my ex-wife. I think of the good times, the birth of our children, special moments in our lives. We were high school sweethearts, and spent many of the treasured moments of our lives together.
I don't want to be with my ex-wife, that 'life' has gone and I have moved on as she has. But, I miss that 'life'. Some times I wish I could go back to 'then', not back to her now. And then I snap back to reality and the great opportunities laid out before me.
Sometimes when I am frustrated, I say something really stupid to my fiance such as comparing something she does to what or how my ex-wife might have. She's such a sweet woman she never lets on that it hurts her, but my instinct knows it must and I always apologise. It is hard to think about any event since I was 17 without my ex-wife being a part of it. And so I mention her frequently, though I try not to linger on her part in the story I am telling.
My current fiance was married for 15 years also and we talk about her husband as well. I have told her never to feel bad about it as I do understand he is part of her life. I speak of him to her as I might speak of a good friend. I know I am a little offtrack, but I thought it only fair in my defense to point out that this is not a one way street.
I think there's no harm in the reminiscing over good memories, particularly since I have no motivation or interest to try to rebuild that life. I do however need to be mindful of the comparisons. I think I do it only because I was with my ex-wife for almost half my life (15 years) and so she is an integral part of who I am now. Kind of like how young teenagers might compare stories to their friends of things they did with their parents, because their parents are an integral part of their lives.
There was a girlfriend briefly between my ex-wife and my current fiance, but I almost never even think of her except when I think back to specific events which occurred during that time or when reflecting on my relationship history such as now. So again, it would seem that the ex-wife is just part of who I am. I am in no way justifying the comparisons! I really need to be mindful of those.
I hope this give you some insight that you were looking for. I am sorry for this getting as long as it did, but I wanted to try to answer you as best as I could. You asked!
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A
female
reader, backtotheback  +, writes (25 September 2009):
of course if it was true love ,, sometimes the love come once in the lifetime , and its hard for the person to forget it whilst his with new date ,,, and to forget ur ex takes time depend on who he was and how much did you loved him/her
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