A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i am a married for last 3 years, last year i met a guy who is single. intially it was a good friendship. he is 3 years younger to me. we used to talk a lot. gradually he started expressing his feeling and talking all about himself. one day i saw his laptop n it was full of explicit movies, to which he said its all guy things so nothing to worry about....but then we were quite open on any subject, right from what i eat to what i wear to my period dates to my sex fantasies. things were not in control i guess and i luved it , resulting in phone sex. and one day he took me to his home when no one was there and we had sex for entire day. i luved it but at the same time i luv my hubby too. i dont want to cheat him. just want to know whether it is ok to indulge sexually with that guy without any committement.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2009): Hey, you got only one go at this life. What the heck, unless you get caught, its pure sexual pleasure. Indulge. If you got caught, what are the impacts and consequences? None?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2009): That a dumb question. ADULTERY
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A
male
reader, tommaso  +, writes (29 September 2009):
Cheating on your spouse even without any commitment is not a nice thing . If you are not sexually satisfied by your husband alone, you need to go back to be a single woman so you can indulge in all the sex you want without having to be dishonest to your partner. On the other hand that kind of friendship with a person of the opposite sex will eventually lead to what happen to you, so I would suggest you avoid it in the future if you chose to be a decent wife.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2009): 1. No, it's not okay.2. GrimmReality, she has a heck of a lot more to worry about if she is Muslim. I come from a progressive Muslim family and I can still tell you that we skew a lot harsher when it comes to female punishment vs. male than Hindus do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2009): you will be found out in any event. be prepared to be disgraced and to be publically humiliated when you continue with your affair. your question is really laughable sine in your culture you know the answer already. in fact in any religion affairs are condemned. you know it so what is really your question. you know having sex with another man who is not your husband is wrong and not permitted. you are not naive or ignorant. you know what you are doing is wrong. morals, integrity, honesty, marital fidelity all should mean something to you no matter what your first language is. get ready to face the music. you will be found out and you will be disgraced. that is a guarantee, no matter how much you lie, cheat, and cover up your sex liasion, you will be revealed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2009): No it isn't
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2009): there is an old saying 'what they dont know wont hurt them'. but do remember you probably wouldnt like it if you were cheated on.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (26 September 2009):
 Most of the people answering this question will tell you that what you're doing is plain, flat out wrong.
What you've done is engage in an emotional relationship with another person, and then indulged sex with him.
If this is what you want to do with your life, then I would suggest divorcing your husband and living with this new man.
But if you want your marriage to endure, messing with another man sexually is only going to confuse you even more than you are right now, and probably lead to more extra marital affairs.
However, that said, you're an adult. The choices you make are yours to make. Your better course of action is, if you want good sex with your husband, is to ask him for what you want.
If not, then maybe a divorce is better and you get rid of the stress of running around in a secret affair with another man. That's all.
Affairs require a lot of work, you lead a double-life; you're not happy sometimes, there's a lot of guilt; and if your husband finds out, he's going to be hurt too.
Like I said, its up to you. I would discourage this kind of behavior but as adults we make decisions and sometimes those decisions are not the best ones. Yours appears to be a bad decisions, but then again you're the best judge of your own life.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (26 September 2009):
 WOW
Being you are from India and if you are Hindu, I would be very worried about your physical safety at this point. I hope if this is the case that you fully realize that you may be subjecting yourself to serious and painful punishment if this is discovered by your husband.
Especially if you are living in a more rural or traditional area of the country.
I mean, I know there is a huge Double Standard by Western thought over males keeping multiple houses and families, but once again, now that the deed is done, I sure hope for your sake that this other man was worth it.
Normally I am extremely brutal on cheaters but anything that I or anyone else could have said here may be a moot point if this comes to light. So best of luck and stay safe.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): Do you even realize the hurt you can cause by cheating . To think your anymore then a sexual conquest . Be real !! He's a smoother and will do you and anyone else that falls for that . Don't think your special ,your not . Tell your husband only if you want or think he deserves that much pain . You have making up to do .Did you forget why you fell inlove with him . Maybe through your own safishiness .Or the usual , stop talking to each other . Only you know !! There is no excuse to cheat .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): my motto is to always think, "would i like it if he/she did it to me". If the answer is no here, then no it is not okay. If you answer yes, then you need to seriously think about your marriage.
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A
female
reader, SweetCupid +, writes (26 September 2009):
 Wel. it isnt right to have sex with anyone if you are married! but if it was incredibly amazing sex that feels good then it could be ok.
u couuld talk to your husband,, ask him if he might be into threesomes? you could have a go first mayb you bring a girl and you too do it for him.
then perhaps he will be open to he idea of you and this other guy and him having a threesome. that way u get both of them
if your husband wont be into tht kind of thing thn this is useless advice!
lol
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (26 September 2009):
 No
Not only are you having an sexual affair you are having an emotional affair. If you don't want to cheat your husband, stop doing it. In what way haven't you already cheated him?
Your actions are not OK.
The only thing you haven't given to your boyfriend is th promises you gave to your husband when you got married. The very same promises that you are not even keeping.
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): When you get married to someone your not meant to cheat on them. When you made your vows you were makeing a life time commitment to be faithful and stick with that person for the rest fo your lives no matter what.
This means that you are not liveing up to your promises you made.
I don't think that you should cheat on people if your married. If you want to sleep with other people then you shouldn't be married.
If marridge isnt right for you then you should be fair on your self and your partner and get deforsed because your only liveing a lie for both of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): Stop this at once, if you value this person as a friend and want him to remain a friend, don't have sex with him, for two reasons, number one you are married and its wrong, number two, think about the other person ,he may develop serious feelings for you, you both are acting as if you are in a relationship with eachother, what if he wants to be more than friends because of what you started, are you willing to leave your husband for your friend? Think long and hard about what you are doing. I have been the other person before and it dam near destroyed me as a person. If you value your friend and husband, believe me no one wants to get hurt.
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A
female
reader, Accountable +, writes (26 September 2009):
 You say you don't want to cheat on your husband - well, you already have, and it sounds like emotionally as well as physically.
Unless your husband knows about your sexual relationship with this other man and is accepting and supportive of it (which i doubt, from the tone of your writing), then it is not ok, and a huge betrayal of your husbands trust. Talk to him about it, tell him what youve done and see if he's up for an open marriage (where you can BOTH explore sex with other people).
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A
female
reader, Ihurt2 +, writes (26 September 2009):
 It's wrong because you are comitted to your hubby. Why are you cheating? You say you don't want to cheat but when you started hanging out with this single guy I think you knew the outcome. Anyway, why are you spending so much time with this guy? Where is your hubby when you are out with the other man? If you love your husband stop seeing the other guy. Otherwise, maybe it's time for you to ask yourself why you are spending more time with someone else.
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A
female
reader, lola29  +, writes (26 September 2009):
well this is a complicated situation for you, especially since you think it's okay to do this. this is considered cheating no matter what or how you feel. you obviously feel a great attraction towards this man, but i feel he hasn't respected the fact you are married. Does he know?
IF your husband finds out dont think he would appreciate it at all, he will be hurt and betrayed by your actions.
my advice is to think really hard on what you're doing, don't be selfish, and talk to this man of yours and see what he really wants. It's your life, do what you want, but you're married and so your life is shared with your husband too.
But i dont know your situation, whether you are in an open relationship or not.
goodluck
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