A
male
age
36-40,
*r090
writes:Just before I get started, I known this girl for 9 years, she always wanted me and I wanted her, we date 6 years ago, didnt last cause she was busy with school.Now we are dating again, and Im the first person she fell in love with and I love her so much. You can tell she wants me, marry me one day, we talk about it like any relationship, but we both do slips every now and then, like were talking and all of a sudden, she will say, "ya and our kids can come with us there," or anything else that normally u would be embarsed to say.Anyways she has about 6 exs, and three of them are close to her, one proposed to her, the dreams of her, but hes too old and messed up, and the other is her last ex, and he likes talking to her about his ex and problems in his life.Ok this is fine, I kinda feel lucky to have her, but these guys do want her, and she knows it..... Well anyways, Yestarday I went to my gfs place, cleaned it up, and made some notes for her and put flowers all over the place to surprise her, I wanted to be romantic.I knew she wanted to be alone, she was tired and we spent alot of days together, so I understood why. She didnt phone me when she got home, nor did she email me, after she seen her apt. So I called her, realized her cell is dead. OOOps her charger is her with me, SO i got up and left to her place, sending an email saying im heading over. (to be honest, I always think that when she wants to be alone, she wants alone time with her guy friends, lol, which it does sometimes happen, but she does tell me about it)Anyways I get to her door, I have her keys and about to unlock it, and I heard a guys voice, so I turned around and went home, I knew it was her last ex. But its ok, I delt with it, I went home, wrote and email saying I couldnt go to her place. (I wanted to see what she would say to me the next day, if she would lie)So I woke up, and I remember she needed to make calls, and maybe I was making a big deal for nothing. SO I get up and head over. I open the door, knowing he would be gone, and there they are sleeping on the bed, my gf under the blankets, clothed and her ex on the blanket close to her with his shirt off, but pants still on. But I couldnt tell if hers were on. ANyways I droped the charger and left. I probley made a mistake leaving it there, I should have pretended that I never saw and see how far the truth will go with her.I am going crazy abit, I know who she is, she loves to help people, she has a job that involves that. SO what do I do, let her call. Do I tell her what I really think?I thought of telling her I went there late when it was dark and dropped it on her bed and I didnt notice anything, I was to tired to see....I dont know please help, thanks
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male
reader, mr090 +, writes (22 September 2009):
mr090 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey everyone, Im the writer thanks for you answers, Well I did talk to her today, she called me, telling me I sweet for what I done at her apt, (she loves it when I show hope or do things like that) anyways she wanted to see me.I let her see me upset, she was curious but I didnt say anything. We went for a walk, and I asked her how was her night, and what she ended up doing, she told me she ate popcorn with her kitti and watch a movie. I said cool...We kept walking then she looked at me, and said whats wrong, I said I was stressed, then I told her "Im waiting"she replied and said for what. I said never mind. I then asked her if she saw my email, she said no. I told her I was gonna come over and bring her the charger but I got busy, she told me she wanted me there.So then I said, How did you charge ur phone, she told me she found the charger on the bed, must of been in the blankets.Ok so she didnt know I was there.Then I said "I know, why wont u tell me"She said "tell you what""You hung out with ur ex"she said "ya he came over for a bit"I said "kool, what you guys do"she said "just talked a bit"then I told her I did come over and I heard him there so I went home, but not claiming I was upset.She told me I should of came inThen we walked a bit more.I asked "how long he stayed"she said "for a bit"Then after that I told herI brought the charger overShe laughed and said I knew it was you, I said " I saw him and you sleeping"She complained and said "why didnt you wake me""I was upset you didnt tell me he was over and sleeping over."She said "he didnt mean too, bus only ran till 2am, and he was running late, and we fell asleep to the movie"so I asked " why did you not tell me he was there, when I asked what did you do,"she said " she thought I meant in the moring, when her ex was gone"SO we sat for a while and she could see I was upset.WE talked why I was, why anyone would be, and how easy it can be lose someone, when ur in these situations, but I told her I wont walk away, and I wont judge her, and I will never tell her what to do, but one thing is I would never do that to her, or similar, cause I know she wouldnt like it. She agreed. She understood.She explained how she never had a real true bf, who loved her, and she is still trying to understand what is right and wrong. Basically have other guys in her life, makes her feel wanted and loved. she claims she loves me and gets it all from me, but maybe shes not ready.She was very sorry, and u can see it, afterwards we had lunch with a family friend and made a few slips about her loving me and marriage and kids.I think maybe shes lost, not knowing what she should do.I told her that if u feel what ur doing is wrong, even just a little and it could hurt both of us, then stop it. I told her I was a one women man, noooooo exs in my life, and no friends(girls) unless its her friends and or both of ours and its clear to both of us nothing will happen.I had dinner with her parents and they approved, and she really wants their approval, and after that u can see she was so happy, I was the first guy they likedAnyways let me know wut u think,
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): It doesn't appear that your girlfriend had sex with her ex and set up some boundaries for his sleep over. Perhaps they talked late into the night and he was too tired to go home and she was too tired to care.
It is clear though that they are still close and they are still "talking" as if maybe she is considering taking him back, but for you she is not.
You definately need to have a talk with her.
I know this is not about you, but I don't understand why if you two are not living together that you have a key to her apartment and feel comfortable enough to go over to her place and clean it up without her knowledge, and then put notes and flowers to be romantic.
If it were me and you did that for me, I would not really like it so much that you felt the need to move my things about and clean up after me. Now if we shared the space, that would be appreciated....so I am a bit confused on that one, whether or not she would like it either....just a thought.
You two are young, and it seems that a lot of young people have so many exes and options that I don't think it is uncommon to have to deal with exes or to decide between the two of you. I personally would trust her until proven otherwise, but that is just me. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (22 September 2009):
 Mr 090, you got dumped. You just haven't figured it out yet. You are now just another one of her exes that she likes to keep on the line. Like so many women she is unable to release old lovers, she keeps bringing them back in. She may be saying to herself that they are just friends, and some of them may just be in it for the booty calls, But she is still emotionally attached to all six of you. Not only that she wants this situation to go on as long as possible.
FA
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (22 September 2009):
 I'd bring it up to her. there's no reason why you shouldn't. I'd have to agree. She said she wanted to be alone, that I don't believe includes having your ex over.
I know you don't want to confront her. You want this to disappear as if you never saw it. But if you do it's going to keep gnawing at you, so it's better to get it out.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 September 2009):
My friend, this girl has no idea who she wants or what she wants from any of you. It seems to me that you are wasting your time. No girlfriend should have an ex on her bed, full stop. I think it's time to face up and move on. End it completely, don't bother staying in contact or anything like that. She'll just drag you along. Go out, meet another, better girl who is more suitable for you. Lots of luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): it is a bit weird the way you keep going over to her flat with out aggreeing it with her first, of course you should tell her
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (22 September 2009):
 This sounds really complicated aye. It doesnt sound like a normal relationship. Much respect for you being able to allow her to have ex's stay over without you exploding with jealousy. But thats probably why she loves you, because she feels that she has freedom. I think that you should let her know, just casually, maybe in a joking way about what you saw. That way you let her know that you're cool with it, (even if you aren't), but if you know her well enough then you should be able to judge by her reaction if there was anything dodgy going on. I spose atleast he had his pants on and wasnt under the covers so atleast she put up boundaries. I hope I dont ever end up in a relationship this complicated...Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): do you have an open relationship with your gf. why would she be in a semi naked state wth an ex bf on her bed, when she told you that she was tired and wanted to be alone. how sure are you that she is still not engaging in sexual activities with her ex? anyways this relationship is a bit too wierd. something is not right and it seems as though this gf is not exclusively yours. are you insecure or just a mere fool? it is very evident that your gf is up to something but you are too chicken to confront her. MISTER, dn't be a fool. use your head. doesn't take a genius to figure out something is going on. its time to catch a wake up call. FAST!
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A
female
reader, obsticalfree +, writes (22 September 2009):
Wow! I can understand why you are going crazy. Don't make up anything or pretend you didn't see what you saw. She will see the charger and she will know you were there. She will wonder if you saw that he slept there and she will probably ask. If she doesn't that's a problem because if she cares and loves you like you believe she would be concerned about your feeling or you misinterpreting something. The only way she would not mention something is if something happened. So this is a the sort of situation that needs explaining don't be embarrassed to expect it. Most people would think something definitely happened there . It is good that you trust her but you should let her explain this situation and then make your decision. Take Care
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): Dude sounds like she is cheating to be honest.She cant have her cake and eat it, either the exs go or you go simple as that.
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