A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please help me out...Recently I asked about my relationship. And now my boyfriend wants his question answered.He wants to know is it right for me to text or call him like every 3 hours when he is not home..But here is why I do In the first part of relationship was perfect like a fairy tale almost then I got pregnant where to the point I couldn't do as much he could..S he started not answering my calls and not coming home until like then nest afternoon..I was scared and terrified.He worked at a bar. He mostly came home drunk..Sometimes there were times he did'nt come home until like 2 days later.This went on for like 1 yr and 8 months.After I had our baby with in the next month almost once or twice a week he would go to the bar and not answer my calls it was scary a new mother with a 1 month old baby.I was scared and crying and I would get blamed for no being home. He doesn't understand I was scared that everytime he left that he was'nt gonna come back home..And now the bar is closed and he has come home when he said he does but the whole principle is that I don't trust him after that..And he still needs to earn my trust back..Believe me I don't call him as much I just need to feel secure that he is gonna back home..
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female
reader, supermum  +, writes (25 September 2009):
 no one has the right to harass someone else.... men find a new baby hard, and yes, he was acting like a jerk, but pestering him with your insecurities will only push him away, and you really might end up alone. maybe try some couples couselling to learn how to rebuild the trust in this relationship/.... if not, you are better off apart.
A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (25 September 2009):
 This never surprises me. The good ol' drunk father that wants to avoid responsibility scenario. Do you think that it is right what he is doing?What I want you to do. What I am asking you to do. For your and your partner's sake, but mainly for the KID'S sake is to take a break from him and make him get help with his alcohol issues.He is drinking and not coming home for a week on end. He is leaving you all alone with an infant. How is it that this baby is being provided for if you are the only one taking care of it?It is NOT a good situation to be in. You need to either petition for full custody of the child and raise it properly, or you need to get him to alcohol classes and make him change.He most likely will not change and will continue to be a drunk. Your relationship will potentially get worse and your child will be just like the father if it is a boy or will date people like him if it is a girl.You have to answer these two questions.1. Do you want your girl to date people like him and be miserable?2. Do you want your boy to BE a person like him and be miserable?The father will cause that to happen if he does not get help, NOW.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (25 September 2009):
 It is unusual for Q and I to take such opposite sides on a question. Without retracting any thing I said about your problem, I agree with Q that this guy is certainly not much of a catch, by your description.
FA
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (25 September 2009):
I really hate when post start out; "Who is right?" I want to say "do you want to be right? or do you want to be together?" Some outsider saying that you are right or he is right is not going to change the way either of you feel. So the question is not Who is right, but it is How can you solve the problem together. But, you asked so here is my take on it:
You have been together for at least 2 years and have had a child together. Yet despite that you haven't felt the need to commit to each other in a marriage. Since you are unwilling to be married you have agreed that he is not responsible to let you know where he is. He can live where ever he wants. All he has to do is make sure you get a child support payment every month. Next you freely say that he does come home when he says he will. Every time, and has done so for some time. Then you quickly follow that with he needs to earn your trust. Why does he need to earn your trust? You already trust that he will be home when he says. What you mean is he needs to be punished more for his past behavior because you are not yet able to forgive him. If you know when he is going to come home and he does come home then you have no need to call. You should only call if he is more than 10 minutes late home. If you continue to badger him he will resent it (he already resents it that is the reason for this question) then he will begin to resent you. Then with no solid tie to you, one day your fear will become your self fulfilled prophesy and he won't come home.
So to come back full circle How are you going to solve the problem. The problem is that you two are not committed to each other nor do you trust each other. Solve that and he won't care how often you call him. And you won't call to check up on him you will call because you love him and want to hear his voice, and share your love.
FA
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