A
female
age
30-35,
*esperatelyInLove
writes:My boyfriend and I had been dating for a year when he unexpectially cheated on me. Our relationship was going very well and we didn't have any problems. I'm 15 and a sophomore in high school, he just turned 18 and started college. The first week of college, he went to a party and got drunk (Friday). He has never been a partier or drinker but got talked into it by some of his friends. The next day (Saturday) he broke up with me. The day after that (Sunday)he told me that he cheated on me and that he broke up with me out of guilt and that he isn't worthy of haveing me because he cheated. I told him that I forgive him and that I love him too much for that to have gotten in to much in the way. We could have worked it out. Of course I was upset but I didn't want to make him feel bad about it because I know he already did feel guilty. I just told myself he was drunk and out of it.. He said that she just pulled her pants off and he "pulled out", went in once, and pulled directly out of her realizing that it was a bad idea. I believe that that is all that happened and I really did forgive him. On Monday, he called that afternoon and told me he wanted me back and that he knows he screwed up ext, ext. I agreed to go back out with him and everything has been great. It is now almost 2 months later and for some reason him cheating that one time is starting to bother me. I don't understand why it is just now starting to bother me, I don't think hes cheating anymore. I want to know how can I get over this? How can I bring it up and talk to him about it? What should I say? How can he gain my trust back? Is it just going to take time? Anyone have any advice at all?
View related questions:
broke up, cheated on me, drunk, got back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DesperatelyInLove +, writes (14 September 2009):
DesperatelyInLove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHeartbroken in love, I know him just a little better than that and I know he's not lieing to me about going in once. He has always had bad sexual tendencies but tries his hardest to stay in control and it normally works. I feel like he isn't lieing about that part because that actually sounds like him. Also, he told me way later that he realized that it was a bad idea and that he put in once to get rid of the tendencies and that he shouldn't have. Sorry if i wasn't clear on that. Also, he is constantly trying to make up for it but he doesn't talk about it. He shows it through his actions, not through words. I'm just going to have to see if he earns my trust back now.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (14 September 2009):
 It is probably bothering you more now because you have the time to think about it. You will have to work through all the pain. This betrayal is not simple for anyone to put to the side. In Love there is always the risk of loss. In order to feel such joy there has to be an opposing sorrow possible.
FA
...............................
A
female
reader, DesperatelyInLove +, writes (14 September 2009):
DesperatelyInLove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks FA, the moving past my loss part is a very good point. I just don't understand why it is just now bothering me after two months. I know he isn't cheating now, expecially since we have both been at our houses sick for a week and talking 24/7. (He has swine flu, I have a busted eardrum). Do you have any idea why this may just now be bothering me?
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (14 September 2009):
You are a little young and inexperienced for this. He violated your trust in him. That hurts. You have already decided to forgive him. You trust him again. You just need to get past grieving for the loss you have suffered. That will take some time.
I think time is the best answer. Talking with him will be just rubbing salt in the wound. It is OK to ask hm if he is being faithful. Don't ask for details just keep it to yes or (hopefully not) no. After all you are committed to each other.
FA
...............................
A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (14 September 2009):
ok first of all I seriously doubt he put it in once and didn't go in again. See here is why. He used the drunk excuse to say why he done it which means he says he didn't have control. Putting it in once and pulling out saying its a bad idea tells me that he feels that he did have control. So yea real good chance he is lying to you about that. Second, as far as trusting him again I am not sure. Sometimes as time goes by it is possible. If he starts trying to act like nothing happened I would drop like nothing. If I was him and I really wanted you to trust me again I would make almost a daily effort to make it up to you. Hopes this helps
...............................
|
