A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:me + my bf(15) have been dating 4, 5 months (the only thing we do is kiss cus we decided 2 wait.) my step-mom hates me so last nite we were sitting their watching t.v. (my step mom was home the whole time) so she told my dad + big bro he was "on top of me" so they came in + messed him up he had 2 go 2 the ER + get stitches in a certain area (i was crying + my step mom was smiling) idky, they did that they have always liked him. they got it straighten out + r friend again. should i forgive my family? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): Save yourself and get away from your psycho family!
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (7 April 2011):
 I am glad to see that you have secured your physical safety. I am also somewhat glad that authorities are involved. This kind of situation is never good.
I promised we could get back to forgiving. I am always in favor of forgiving. Forgiving others is very good for your life. It will bring you more peace and happiness in the long run. I often am questioned about this stance. Many people will say but what about this case . . . .? Well, your case is one of the examples that they would bring up. Someone deliberately plotting to cause grievous bodily injury to another, and carrying out that plot. It's very bad. Not only was your friend injured, you were emotionally injured, and a wedge was driven between you and your father. You will suffer plenty as a result of this bad event.
There is no need for you to add to the suffering by carrying around bad feelings inside your self. When you forgive you can let those go. You will need the relationship with your father in the next ten years. Probably frequently. You should start by patching that up.
Now a note of caution. Forgiving does not mean that you forget and trust readily. You need to protect yourself. Also, Forgiving does not mean that you keep people from suffering the logical consequences of their actions. Let the law take it's course. You can feel sympathy, you can rebuild. But, you should not be alone with any of the people who were involved in this. The law will act to keep a reasonable separation between you for a while. You should not try to override those rules. If you are assigned therapy, take your counselor seriously. (sorry to harp on safety so much, I've just seen too much)
As far as your inner hurt and any bad feelings you have, the sooner you can let them go (and I know it isn't easy), the happier you will be.
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmy dad did get in some trouble + my bro is a minor and they reacted that way cus they thought a 15 Y.O boy was tryin 2 get in2 my pants.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes he did get hurt in the private part!!!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (6 April 2011):
 I'm with FA on this one. They need charges filed against them for this. I don't care if they apologized, they should have known better to begin with. Especially your father.
I'm glad you're living with your momo now.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (6 April 2011):
Now what I am trying to figure out is how you Dad isn't in Jail. I mean If I deliberately beat up a minor, and sent him to the hospital, I would certainly expect a long interview with some very serious police men, social workers, and a judge. That is how serious this is. Frankly the safety issues here make me want to advise you to get professional help ASAP. Especially if your reference to a "certain area" means that he was injured in his genitals. First let's see to your physical safety, then we can return to the question of forgiving.
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmy step mom admitted 2 it and my dad and big bro apoligised 2 my bf and now im living with my mom 10 min. away!! PS: he is gonna b ok!!!
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (6 April 2011):
 Considering your age, you still have at least 3 years of living with your parents, and not ultimately forgiving them will make your home an even more hostile environment by hating them. This isn't to say that the situation shouldn't be addressed: you should make an effort to move towards a more healthy relationship. I would ask to have a family meeting, even if this isn't something your family usually does, when someone you're close to is sent to the hospital because of your family, that calls for something as serious as a family meeting. Ask your stepmom if she genuinely saw him on top of you, why she did that, and ask your bro and father if they respect your bf why didn't they give him the benefit of the doubt and confront him VERBALLY not physically incapacitate him. If you think your stepmom would lie and still insist that he was on top of you, maybe I would instead approach your father about your stepmother's behavior, and how she was smiling as your bf was getting beat, that is supercreepy (ok don't say that part, but it is!) and inappropriate.
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