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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I need advice from parents with older kids.I'm 19 years old, have a job, keep a 3.9 GPA in college. I also have a boyfriend. I'm a nice kid, I do what my parents ask most of the time and I don't do drugs, don't drink, I'm quite responsible. I have a boyfriend and we stay out late (of course I keep in touch with my parents) sometimes. Usually, and almost always, we alternate going to each others house. He has a car. Sometimes, however, it gets too late to drive, and both of us are sleepy so I'm forced to stay the night at his place. I am with him in his room, I don't disturb anyone.When I wake up in the morning at his place, I do feel a little awkward and strange and feel like his parents might look down upon me for that (he is my age)..However, my boyfriend reassures me that his parents are very lenient and they just joke around with him. My parents get a little irritated...but they're used to it. My boyfriend also stays over at my house but is usually on the couch which my parents are okay with.My question...I know I'm not 21, but if I was your daughter, what would your reaction be to me spending the night at my boyfriend's house ifa. you know himb. you love himc. you know he's a nice kid, and he doesn't smoke/drink etc etcAlso, if you had a son, how would you feel if his girlfriend spent the night at your house? If you know she's a nice girl and she cares a lot about your son.I need insight with parents who have experience with this. I know I'm living under my parents' roof, but if this is completely wrong of me, then I will stop doing it. My parents don't express disgust or anything, but I'm just concerned whether or not I'm doing something "disgusting" and wrong.
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female
reader, blueangelx15  +, writes (8 April 2011):
I don't think what you're doing is wrong. I'm only 15 and my ex boyfriend of 2 years, used to stay the night with me, and I'd stay with him..all of the time. His parents loved me, my parents loved him and they allowed it. It's nothing bad at all. (:
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female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (7 April 2011):
 I think that saying you are forced to stay over because it is too late to drive, is not honest. That's making an excuse. It only gets "too late to drive" because you allow it to. You can shut the movie off, wrap up the left overs, continue the c
conversaton on the phone, etc. and leave at a reasonable time.
other than that, I think you are fine in what you're doing.
~SY
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (7 April 2011):
 O K, I'll answer as a parent of daughters your age. There are two factors involved in this. One, what is best for you. and Two, What effect it will have on the parents home and the other children.
Quite frankly I'd rather my girls are at home. I know where they are, and can be there if they need me. It feels safe to me. So when my oldest daughter brings a boy home with her I try to make them comfortable. Now there are limits. The boyfriend is welcome his dogs are not. I would prefer if they slept in separate rooms, but there have been exceptions.
Now I got a lot of criticism from a friend of mine because my younger children were exposed to their sister living "in sin." I guess some parents are more concerned about that than others. A good guest will do her best to keep her hosts comfortable.
The other issue is illegal activities. I Will toss them both out if they drink underage or bring in illegal drugs etc. I have to protect the home for the other children who's welfare is fully my responsibility.
So be polite and considerate, Apparently the two families allow this so you are okay.
FA
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 April 2011):
 If you lived in Norway you would have probably lived on your own at 19. Most move out around 16-20 here, so if you were my kid, I think you'd be on your own by now and what you do with your boyfriend after the age of 18 is your business. Just don't get pregnant. At 19 I was living with my boyfriend already. Then again I moved out at 16 and had already spent years living on my own. My mom didn't care what I did, and my dad just called to say "don't get pregnant", and my aunt asked me if I used protection. Embarrassing, yes, but that was basically it.
I don't think it is completely wrong of you to sleep over at your boyfriends place. But if your parents don't approve of it this would be disrespectful. And saying you are "forced" to stay at his place isn't being truthful either. If it gets late, go home. Take a cab. I don't know, what time is it too late to drive and why do you let it get that late? Is it illegal to drive at night?
As long as you live under the roof of your parents, you follow their rules. Don't like the rules, move out. That's fair and square.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): It sounds like you are doing everything right. Don't worry. Be really sure you can trust him (make him wait).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): Just to add on, we don't often do this . In fact, I sleep over his about twice.in one month, sometimes less.
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A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (7 April 2011):
For me it depends on how well I knew the guy and on how long you had been with your boyfriend... I personally think that parents feel better to let their sons sleep at a girl's house more than letting a girl sleep at a guy's house because of safety I guess.
Let me be honest. I am just 18, I wonder the same so I'm waiting for others to answer this.
I understand your parents. They just want to protect you.
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