A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. I just wanted some input on this plan I have.My girlfriend and I have been together for two years (I was 17, she was 14 when we met seven years ago) and she's graduating from her community college to be an RN the day that I come back from a one year tour in Iraq. (Which will be in three days.)She has no clue that I'm coming back so early (she thinks I won't be back for another two to four months). Last time I talked to her was last night on Skype and she was crying because she said she missed me so much and that she hates that I won't make it to her graduation.Well... haha.Little does she know, I asked her father via Skype a month ago for her hand in marriage and I bought her a $2,500 diamond ring to propose to her the day I come back.I plan on wearing my full formal uniform with 28 roses (one rose for each month we've been together) in hand and the ring in my pocket. I'm going to propose when her family is taking pictures with her degree and in her cap and gown.Just wondering if that sounds too cheesy or just right? Thanks for any input.P.S. I know my country posted says United States cause that's where I'm from. US Army! HOOAH! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2011): Aww that is adorable, although i think your gesture is so cute i do think that you should save this special occasion for a more private meeting when you have her full attention without the distraction of her graduation as she will be overwhelmed.
I also think that doing it in front of her family is a big mistake, you should spend sometime with her and rekindle your romance, this way you will know 100% if proposing is the right idea.
Best of luck in your proposal, whatever you decide to do :) keep us posted.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (9 May 2011):
 Not too cheesy, it sounds lovely!
My only advice would be, as the others have said, propose when you are alone, not in front of everyone else. When she is having her photos etc it is HER moment, when she is centre of attention and she should be allowed to enjoy it. Yes getting engaged will be exciting, but she will want to remember her graduation for that reason, not because you interrupted it all with a proposal!
Plus when you graduate, getting your pictures done is a busy, and fairly stressful moment - there are tonnes of other people around that you dont know, you are having to pose for multiple photos with multiple people, your cap is sliding off your head (believe me, all girls complain of the damn thing sliding off!) - it is not a 'romantic' moment. The photos part is the bit you just want over and done with so you can get on and enjoy the rest of your day. The ceremony is a good bit because you finally get your degree, throwing the caps in the air is a good bit because you can start celebrating...but the photos are the obligatory part of the day that are not much fun and you just want them out of the way.
Find a time when you are alone, just the two of you after she has finished all the graduation stuff. I dont know if you are going for a meal afterwards? Or maybe you can get her alone for a bit after it has all finished....but that would be a far better time to propose than at her graduation or when they are taking the photos.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, MistressNataliee +, writes (9 May 2011):
Thats amazing! Totally go for it lol
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A
female
reader, GG96 +, writes (9 May 2011):
I'm with mishmash, it sounds great, and the fact that your so excited is great, but propose to her ALONE. A proposal is alot to take in and comes with alot of pressure. I'm sure she'll say yes, but it would be easier for her to answer without her family and friends watching. And she might want to tell her family and friends her way, too. I think the roses are nice, maybe or maybe not the uniform (you have to decide from what you think she'll want. Personally, it would remind me that your in the army, and could be deported or something, i don't know how it works. But if she likes you in your uniform, wear it). And make sure you propose somewhere nice. It doesn't have to be expensive (my parents have been happily married for 20 years and my dad proposed in the car, with a wonderful view of the sunset) but make it either pretty (like behind an old oak tree at the park, with the sunset in the distance) or meaningful (where you met, first date, where you told her you loved her). And make sure what you say comes from the heart.Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): I would suggest proposing her to alone and not in front of her family.
I'm not trying to condescend, but the fact that you mentioned how much the ring costs and at the same time say so little about how you feel about her concerns me. Personally, I admire your enthusiasm, but it seems as if it's a more patriotic enthusiasm (which is a great thing) rather than distinct feelings for this woman.
Again, I'm not trying to condescend, but I'll share a theory I have about shyness in general: there are two types of shy people. There is one type that reacts to the concept of the other person being a frightening thing and so they avoid any sort of intimate contact; and there is the type that reacts to the concept of themselves being a frightening thing. The first type is afraid of the person whom they want to approach and so they avoid intimacy with the person. (I happen to be this type of shy) The second type is afraid of being vulnerable and intimate, but they react by surround themselves with an audience when around a person they feel strongly about.
The proposal of marriage is a very intimate, serious, and personal thing. I would think long and hard about your feelings for her and I would make the proposal solo, without the audience and without her family present.
I respect and am grateful for the contributions you make as a soldier to the USA, I just think this is a moment where you need to be brave enough to make yourself vulnerable to her personal feelings and opinions. I think you would diminish that experience were you to propose to her in front of her whole family.
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (9 May 2011):
 Sounds wonderful! Just have a beautiful speech ready for her when you get down on your knee :) Congrats, this is going to be the most exciting time in your life!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (9 May 2011):
 That's not Cheesy. Even if it was, Gals love cheesy. She will even forgive you for hiding your early return once she figures out that you were planing such a wonderful surprise.
With the exception of proposals Most women like a little time to anticipate. For some reason a surprise proposal is a romantic dream. Once you get engaged, no secrets, O K?
FA
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