A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Do temptations make you a cheater even if you don't give into them? I am very in love with my girlfriend and we have been together since the beginning of 2010. A few months prior when we were "dating" I put myself in a very bad situation. We all were out drinking and one of her friends decided to stay at our place. As my girlfriend laid asleep I got the urge to see what her friend was up to so I went to the bathroom where she was sleeping. She was on the phone fighting with her boyfriend at the time but I still went down and sat next to her. After realizing what I was doing was wrong I got up and went back to my room to my girlfriend. I know what I did was wrong and would have never done anything but I can't understand why I even went out there. I can blame the alcohol but I feel like that temptation was still there even though I came to my senses. Should this be considered cheating because I am very confused and feel very guilty. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (7 April 2011):
 Anonymous original poster,
The question of whether to confess or not comes up quite often here. Many people would agree with you, that confessing would hurt her and not be good for the relationship. I disagree, especially in your case, and, Thanks for giving me the opportunity to explain why.
Your feelings of guilt are changing your mood and she is most likely seeing that. She is wondering what is wrong, and likely getting suspicious. You have a secret that you are keeping from her. That secret is putting a distance between you two. When you confess to her you will be doing two things. First, you will be showing her that you trust her with something that could hurt you. Second you will be sharing a secret with her. That shared secret will pull you two together. Yes there is risk involved. There always is in love. Your sin is not unforgivable. Most of your responders here see it as a minor infraction, so the risk should be less than you think.
Aside from all that confessing is recommended biblicaly, and for good reason. It is soul cleansing, and it lets you share the burden. You probably feel better just having told us. I do recommend that you tell her. Shared secrets are much better.
FA
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (6 April 2011):
 We're only human. Being tempted is normal. It's acceptable to act on a momentary impulse, so long as you catch yourself as soon as you get the time to think about it. You controlled your actions, rather than making excuses about your emotions or alcohol intake. You've done exactly the right thing.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (6 April 2011):
 We all feel tempted sometimes, the only thing that really matters is how we act on them. It was bad to make the move, but you didn't actually do anything wrong. Thinking about cheating and cheating are two VERY different things. Don't beat yourself up about it, you didn't cheat, you almost did something wrong, but you didn't. Really, don't beat yourself up. I did something similar when I was in the early stages of my relationship and nothing bad happened because of it and I didn't suddenly develop the urge to actually go cheat. Your girlfriend is lucky to have someone who is so devoted to her.
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (6 April 2011):
 I don't think so.Yesterday I looked through the bakery window for minutes on end and the temptation was great.But I moved along down the street.I'm happy I did, you should be too.We are all bombarded with temptation daily.You felt your guilt and moved along, your character intact.You did good, kudos
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): Thanks for the input Fatherly Advice. No I do not plan on doing it again and you are right I do need to forgive myself. Humans are capable of mistakes. What I feel guilty about is that I should have never went out there in the first place because I gave into my sexual curiosity because her friend was flirting with me earlier. Is it wrong to think that I feel I shouldn't tell her because it would only hurt her and no good would come of it. I know I ultimately made the right decision by coming to my senses but I keep beating myself up for putting myself in the situation. I know my guilt is sincere because nothing happened and I am just mad at myself for having those bad intentions. I feel like I should just keep it to myself and know that I have learned from the situation. Would that be wrong of me?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 April 2011):
 if folks that looked at an attractive person and thought "i'd hit that" were branded cheaters then everyone would probably be a cheater.Jimmy Carter, former US President once was quoted as saying "I have lusted in my heart" (or something like that)... but he never cheated....there is no thought police...actions speak louder than words...if all you did was go and sit with her friend then I don't personally see where you did anything wrong.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (6 April 2011):
What exactly is it that you are guilty of? Are you planing on doing it again? You came to your senses, you left the bad situation, you have determined not to do it again. If you have discussed this with the person who would be hurt by your actions, all that is left is for you to forgive yourself.
FA
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A
male
reader, eek  +, writes (6 April 2011):
 you did not cheat yes you should not have gone in the first place but dont beat yourself up about it.
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A
female
reader, marine99 +, writes (6 April 2011):
 No it's not considered cheating. Temptations is a part of life. It's how we choose to react to those temptations is what matters most. You got up and walked out of the room when you realized you were crossing the boundaries. Your girlfriend is very lucky because some men may not have done what you did. Temptation and attraction to other people while we're in a relationship will come and go. It's in our human biology to be attracted to beautiful people. It's what you decide to do next is what's important. You didn't act on your temptation, so you did not cheat. Cheating is when you physically touch someone inappropriately or when you have an inappropriate relationship with someone, whether it be physical or emotional.
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