A
female
age
41-50,
*wampfire
writes:Help me! my boyfriend has been away on a so called business trip for four months now(South America).When he left,he said it will only be three weeks.We have a child together( eleven months old)he hasnt sent any help finacialy since he left,he phones once a week telling me how much he loves us and misses us.I am confused,i dont know what to do,should i move on with my life or wait for this guy? if ever is coming back.
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female
reader, Sarasvati  +, writes (27 June 2011):
 I agree with hannah. If he's been calling you once a week to check in, why hasn't he said anything about his prolonged visit? His lack of honesty is disturbing. Furthermore, if this is bothering you so much, why haven't you asked? Four months is quite a difference from three weeks, and you have every reason to be concerned. If he can't give you a logical answer, then why should you wait? It would seem he was hiding something.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): Are you sure he hasn't been arrested for something?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): South America???maybe he was imprisoned for drug smuggling?
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (24 June 2011):
 Swampfire,
Your post indicates that you don't believe 100% the things that this boyfriend is telling you. Lets look at the evidence.
A three week trip extends into 4 months with no word of when he will return. He makes regular phone calls to you. He says that he loves not just you but also the child you share. He has not sent money.
Now some things that I have to assume. You are not married and you don't have a legal agreement about child support. You don't have access to his bank accounts. You are not receiving any information from his employers.
Now lets look at some of the scary thought that I assume have been going through your head. We will also look at why you should or shouldn't worry.
You think that the plan was to get out of town on an excuse so he could abandon you and the child. The best evidence that this is not the case is that he continues to call. If this was the plan he would have stopped calling around 2 or 3 weeks so you could assume that he was lost in South America and not worth pursuing. He also may have staged a fight with you.
You think that once he got in South America he found it more fun, and doesn't want to come home. He is spending all the money playing. His phone calls have remained consistent, he hasn't missed one nor has he been distracted or colder. You also haven't heard from his employers that they are wondering where he is.
You think that something bad has happened to him. and he won't be able to come home. This is a common worry. Everyone worries about this when someone special is far away, but you have no evidence that he is under duress.
There are some things to worry about. He should have arranged for you to be able to get money either before he left or when he was delayed. This makes him look bad. He is telling you he loves you, but he isn't showing it. He is withholding information.
Conclusion:
You are a young mother. You have certain needs, first among them is security for you and the child. Your boyfriend has failed to provide this. He hasn't formally and legally taken responsibility for you. Because of this you don't have access to his money or his employer. This has left you feeling stranded and alone. This is the reason you are contemplating moving on. My advice is that before you move on, ask him for what you need. if he can't or won't provide it then you can feel justified in looking for a better option.
FA
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A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (24 June 2011):
 Hello,
If you are speaking once a week, then you need to ask him this question. Ask him what is happening? How long is the trip? What's going on? You need to find out.
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