A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 20 years old.. I have only been with one man and that was from the age of 13... However over the years the man I was with for seven years didn't treat me very well... Put me down, took a lot of my money, cheated, broken my finger etc but he was all I ever knew and loved so it was so hard to walk away, especially being so young and not telling anyone. Recently it all became too much and I found myself on a bad place and decided it was time to tell my family. My family was distraught at what I had been hiding from them and banned me from ever seeing him again..I feel like a fool to say this but I do still love this man.. He's recently met someone new and he seems to be lovely to her, I just can't figure out where I went wrong or how he could destroy me like this when all I ever done was stood by home and loves him...I don't wish to be with him.. But I wish I knew why he treated me so badly or will he ever be sorry? Thankyou for reading
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (13 October 2013):
 Thank you for your response, I was concerned he was much older so am relieved he's your age :)
The other Uncles and Aunties are right. No one knew he treated you badly or they would have stepped in, guys like him are clever at concealing their true identity.
He will start by winning her and her friends and family over then systematically, break her down bit by bit until she's a wreck. He will do this privately. No one will see him do it or even suspect him capable of it.
When she's completely broken, he'll increase the abuse or kick her to the kerb.
When he tires of her he'll move on to the next one.
He's a nasty piece of work and you're well rid.
Concentrate on getting over this abuse by having some fun with your friends and living the life you should have had these past years.
When you are ready to date again, take things slowly and if the new guy puts you down or treats you unkindly in any way then instantly rethink the situation, don't hang around hoping he'll change.
It's a shame you've been through this but you have family that love you and will be there for you every step of the way.
I hope this helps AB x
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 October 2013):
 I agree with FA - he is wooing her, thus he is being as nice as he can to get her "hooked" his true colors will show soon enough, and if she is any kind of smart she will walk away asap.
He didn't abuse YOU because you are you. He did because THAT is who HE is.
Will he ever be sorry? Probably not. Must people who abuse grew up watching they family have toxic/abusive relationships other times they just don't have any grasp on social interactions, right/wrong, how to treat others or they are just plain "wrong" in the head.
Don't feel like a fool for still having feeling for them, however, you need to find a way to let them go. HE wasn't a good BF, he won't becomes one. No matter HOW much you love a person, you CAN NOT cure that kind of personality/behavior with that love.
I would suggest that you journal down what he did to you and when ever you have a moment of "oh my gosh I love the dude" you READ your journal and remember that he was NO good for you. Write down your journey.
HE made a choice to be an abusive person. You made a choice to NOT live with it any more, which was good, smart and brave of you, now understand that your FAMILY loves you more then anything and they don't want to see you hurt ever again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): Of course he SEEMS nice to her - no-one knew how abusive he was being to you either until you spoke out. She has probably taken your place or is being groomed as his replacement punchbag,
You were very young when this relationship. If it was a sexual relationship before you were 16 and he was over 18 then this is child abuse.
If this new "girlfriend" is under 16 then he is abusing her too and you must report it...either through the police or anonymously through the NSPCC website.
This guy is abusive and treats women like shit. He treated you like shit. Don't let him get away with it
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (13 October 2013):
 There is a reason for his change of behavior.It is insidious but you need to hear this before you fall into the same trap again. He is being all lovey to the new girl because she is new. If he was abusive from the start she would run from him. He is just getting her hooked, his old abusive ways will return soon enough.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): He's my age just one month older x
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (13 October 2013):
You say you were 13 when this relationship started, honey, can I please ask how old he was or is?
It will help me put his actions into perspective.
Many thanks AB x
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