A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I got out of a toxic relationship not too long ago - we had been together for 5 years with two kids and he used to bash me up and threaten to kill me. Everyone knew the extent of how severe the abuse was.I have recently started seeing a guy who I think is amazing. He accepts my kids, supports me emotionally and is the nicest guy I've ever met. There is one problem - my mother and brother hate him. My mums excuse is because she thinks he is too full on and that he's ugly. I was kind of appalled my mum would say this because after being with such an abusive person for so long, looks are not extremely high on my list of priorities, however I think he's good looking and that's all that matters. My mum has flat out said I am too pretty for him and she doesn't like him. She's siding with my abusive ex who i have had to take a restraining order out against. My brother doesn't like my ex but said he doesn't like the fact I spend nearly every day with the new guy because my brother and I now spend less time together.I've asked mum to just be happy for me because its the first time in a long time I've felt happy. But she can't get past the fact he has red hair and wants me to remain single. I am old enough to make my own decisions but when i tell her this she gets really angry..
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (19 October 2013):
 Stick with this detail... which is, really, all that "counts" in your submittal: "....I am old enough to make my own decisions...."
Any time you commence to struggle with your Mother or Brother... repeat that phrase until you are content....
Good luck.....
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (19 October 2013):
 1 You are not old enough. You haven't been out of the bad relationship long enough to trust yourself to make proper decisions yet. You have a poor track record of making good relationship decisions. And last but not least no one is ever so old not to need advice.
2 Your mother is right that you need a time of being on your own (single). People who have been in an abusive situation need to learn to stand independent, although their natural inclination is to attach to another as soon as possible.
3 Your brother values your time and has been denied it by a controlling partner. He is frightened by the amount of devotion you have given to the new partner so soon. The pattern is what is scaring him.
4 Your mothers anger is fear also. It is not motivated by your new man, but by your past foolish decisions to get involved young, and to have children young, and to choose an abusive relationship. (not to take guilt away from the abuser and put it on you).
Last You are right ugliness or red hair is nothing for you to worry about. Many women are attracted to what they euphemistically call ruggedness.
An outsiders advice: Back off and take it a bit slower. Don't be with him every day. Weekends would be more appropriate for your condition. Spend more time working on you.
FA
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