| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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I'm incredibly attracted to him but not ready to have sex after only one month and 4 dates!
Q. I have been dating a guy for almost a month. We met on a popular dating app and hit it off immediately on our first date. We talked for hours and ended up having to be told to leave the restaurant because they were closing. He took me out for dinner ...
A. 28 September 2015: It's really simple. Don't have sex with someone if they're not your boyfriend. Sex is for RELATIONSHIPS, not dating. That's my personal belief, because sex before relationships only cause confusion, and means the relationship will be based on sex ... (read in full...)
How do I show my boyfriend my way is the best option? I want to clear my debts before we live together
Q. hi everyone. no 'attacking' please . ive been with my boyfriend for a while now and we have discussed future plans what we both want i already have a teen son and my boyf has no kids . at the beginning i was all up for having another baby but...
A. 23 September 2015: If you live together he pays half the living expenses. If you are married he can buy himself into the house and pay part of the mortgage too. I don't see how you come to the conclusion that living together would result in LESS money for you, when in ... (read in full...)
My friend got my 19 year old niece pregnant! Should I be mad at my friend and drop him?
Q. I am a 44 year old man and have a 34 year olf friend. He recently me my niece through me and had sex with her now she pregnant. She is 19 and very immature and unprepared for the real world. her father, (my brother) doesn't care and her mother ...
A. 15 September 2015: PS. How would it make anything better to cut out your friend, now that he is going to be family? If your niece carries out the pregnancy, that is, he will be the father, and will be involved in the child's life, hopefully. Cutting contact with him ... (read in full...)
My friend got my 19 year old niece pregnant! Should I be mad at my friend and drop him?
Q. I am a 44 year old man and have a 34 year olf friend. He recently me my niece through me and had sex with her now she pregnant. She is 19 and very immature and unprepared for the real world. her father, (my brother) doesn't care and her mother ...
A. 15 September 2015: I get that you are mad. As a friend of his, and as an aunt, you have every right to be upset, both at him AND at her. While you may find her immature and unprepared (and she might be both) your friend is LIKEWISE immature and unprepared, as he ... (read in full...)
Was this girl a virgin?
Q. Was this girl a virgin? This may seem like an odd question, but I assure you that the answer is important to me (I won’t get into the reasons why it is important). I have my opinion of the answer, but I’m “just a guy”. I would be very grateful fo...
A. 15 September 2015: We can't possibly know, but I would guess at NOT a virgin. Why? Because women are usually up front about being a virgin if they are, because they're not ashamed of it like men are.
... (read in full...)
How do I ask my guy for oral sex?
Q. Hi. So my boyfriend is 21 and I'm 22. Been with my boyfriend for a year now, but I'm starting to have mixed emotions all because....my boyfriend hasnt gone "down" on me for the year we have been together, and I don't know how to ask him, how to ...
A. 14 September 2015: So he's boring in bed. Time to take charge then. The other men just did things without you having to tell them, but is it always the mans job to experiment sexually?
It could be your man is just boring in bed, and will never be any better. ... (read in full...)
My husband really wants oral sex but I have a terrible gag reflex and just can't do it!
Q. My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 6. This man is the love of my life and I would, will, am willing, and want to do everything I possibly can to make him happy and to fulfill all his needs, wants, and dreams. I've worked ...
A. 14 September 2015: I want to say something in defense of her husband. He does not strike me as selfish at all. A blowjob, or sex for that matter, is something most intimate and special. He has been with her for 10 years, and I am sure he has tried as well to go ... (read in full...)
My husband really wants oral sex but I have a terrible gag reflex and just can't do it!
Q. My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 6. This man is the love of my life and I would, will, am willing, and want to do everything I possibly can to make him happy and to fulfill all his needs, wants, and dreams. I've worked ...
A. 14 September 2015: You have been together for 10 years, so this problem has gone from small to larger to huge. It will not help you now, after 10 years, to learn how to do it, because the years of frustration and resentment have already built up. So what you must ... (read in full...)
How do I speed things up sexually with my girlfriend?
Q. I have a problem on my hands. A bi dude asked me if I wanted him to suck my dick. I replied I'm not sure, because I am already dating a girl. Honestly, I want my first sexual experience to be with a girl, but my girlfriend takes things slow,and were ...
A. 13 September 2015: How about you make her your official girlfriend, rather than just counting the amounts of dates you've been on? If you ask me, if you are still there where you are COUNTING the dates you've been on, then she's not your girlfriend. Ask her to go ... (read in full...)
What's the the right form of contraception for us?
Q. Hi there, Me and my fiance are struggling a bit to find the right form of contraception! We've been together for four years and for about three of those we've been using the withdrawal method. We've never really been too worried about preg...
A. 7 September 2015: BabyComp. ... (read in full...)
How do I stop my older brother phoning me all the time!!?
Q. How do I stop my older brother phoning me all the time!!? My brother has a very arrogant and tetchy manner. Whenever you speak to him he Is always talking about himself or what he's doing - but never asks what anyone else is up to. As a result ...
A. 6 September 2015: Have you tried telling him to stop?
Some people have compulsions they dont realize themselves. It sounds like your brother calls you this often not because he actually needs to or wants to, but because he gets a compulsion to do so. Like he is fo... (read in full...)
All I do is give in this relationship. I get nothing back from her
Q. Ive been with my girlfriend for 6 years and we are about to graduate from college at end of year and because of her pre med school, we are set to move to Galveston. She wants me to propose to her, and she wants to be engaged by the time we move up. ...
A. 4 September 2015: Your heart isn't in it, you're second guessing the relationship. I think you do all these things for her because you want something in return. And then when you dont get it, you feel upset, cheated, angry. You give give and give. You get nothing in ... (read in full...)
Not looking forward to seeing my ex at our son's games
Q. Just enrolled my 4 year old son in soccer. I plan to attend his games with my fiance, and his Father will be attending with his fiance and probably all of her family. I have met my ex's fiance once briefly, but none of her family. Frankly, I am ...
A. 4 September 2015: PS. you only just enrolled him. He might not even like it, and quit before he plays in any games. Worry about an issue when it's arrived, not before.... (read in full...)
Not looking forward to seeing my ex at our son's games
Q. Just enrolled my 4 year old son in soccer. I plan to attend his games with my fiance, and his Father will be attending with his fiance and probably all of her family. I have met my ex's fiance once briefly, but none of her family. Frankly, I am ...
A. 4 September 2015: I think youre taking far too many sorrows in advance. A 4-year olds soccer game is, sorry, not the most interesting thing for adults to watch. I doubt your ex will attend ALL the games with ALL his family and fiancé. He'll be there at first, I ... (read in full...)
My guy is addicted to his phone. Am I overreacting? Is phone addiction normal with guys?
Q. My hubby is addicted to his phone. He is either on fb(mainly political stuff) or playing games or watching cricket. It annoys me to the core sometimes. Even when we sit down for coffee in the morning he can't keep his eyes off the phone. I have sn...
A. 1 September 2015: I know how you feel. Addicted people however, do not see the problem. They are often oblivious to how much time they spend on their phone/games/how much the do the addictive behaviour. They deny it (very common) and try to shift blame.
My su... (read in full...)
Are there any good guys in the world? If so, where are they?
Q. Am i going crazy? Ive recently deleted all my male list on my messenger app. I find it hard to make male friends. Every male i saw as a potential friend eventually ends up telling me that he is interested in me and wants a relationship. I just went ...
A. 30 August 2015: Yes, there are good guys. But they roam in circles where most women will not find them, they are usually the ones who don't believe women are interested in them, and you can recognize them by the number of girlfriends they have ever had. If he's had ... (read in full...)
How do I compete with the army?
Q. My boyfriend said one day out of the blue he wants to join the armed forces, he needs to started training for it and cant be talking all the time. Since then its felt like I'm no longer a priority to him, all the things he used to do or say he ...
A. 30 August 2015: Im more focused on the deal breaker you mentioned, but it appears you don't realize the importance of: You want to marry him, but he doesn't want to marry you. This fact means that your relationship has it's limit in the near future. So wondering ... (read in full...)
I'm dating a lovely girl but she won't have sex and I don't know how to help us
Q. I am in a relationship with a lovely girl who I can say is an amazing person. Everything is great except for one thing....she will not have sex. Now we kiss, fondle/touch, and sometimes do oral, but when it comes down to seeing her naked or act...
A. 29 August 2015: I don't get it, if you guys do oral then you ARE having sex. And you naturally are seeing her naked, if you're going down on her.
Or wait, did you mean she gives you blowjobs, and you don't reciprocate? And you mean you don't get to have intercou... (read in full...)
I made a comment to him that has come back to bite me in the butt and now I'm confused about everything
Q. Hi all, Here is my situation. I was starting to see this guy, who was chasing me for about a month before I gave in to hanging out, which is unlike me because when I feel as though I have chemistry with someone, I tend to jump right in. Hones...
A. 29 August 2015: Yes, you messed up, and you ruined your chance with this guy.
But, do not despair, the good news is that now you know to NOT get paranoid and a control freak who needs instant attention and instant replies, because now you know that ruins re... (read in full...)
If you have to tell yourself that you're not a lesbian does that mean you're hiding (your sexual preference) or not accepting it?
Q. If you have to tell yourself you're not a lesbian, does that mean you're hiding it and just not accepting it? Because I keep telling myself that i'm not since I can't stop having compulsive, obsessive thoughts about my sexuality. I know. I KNOW...
A. 28 August 2015: Yes, having strange thoughts and being unsure/conflicted about ones sexuality is normal for a teenager.... (read in full...)
Why did my girlfriend suddenly decide she won't have sex till we get married?
Q. We have been dating for over a year now, things have been going on well between the both of us. As usual she is ready to have sex anytime I ask for it Suddenly things changed! My gentle and caring girlfriend suddenly changed to someo...
A. 26 August 2015: Or maybe she thinks a year is long enough for you to have decided whether or not you want to marry her, and wants to force you to make a decision by withholding sex. ... (read in full...)
Why did my girlfriend suddenly decide she won't have sex till we get married?
Q. We have been dating for over a year now, things have been going on well between the both of us. As usual she is ready to have sex anytime I ask for it Suddenly things changed! My gentle and caring girlfriend suddenly changed to someo...
A. 25 August 2015: Did something else change at the same time? Something at her work? Something in your relationship? Did she suddenly stop speaking to certain friends? Suddenly gained new friends?
I'd be suspicious that she was sexually assaulted. I would try to g... (read in full...)
Is there something wrong with ruling someone out if you don't feel instant chemistry?
Q. I met a genuinely nice guy on an online dating site and we've gone on two dates. I had to psyche myself up for both of these dates because a) I haven't been on a date in a while and b) I didn't feel any attraction when I looked at his profile ...
A. 25 August 2015: Third date isn't necessary in my book, unless you're uncertain and the two prior dates gave you two separate feelings. The second date IS the second chance, if so happens that the first date was just so-so. Chemistry doesn't mean you want to kiss or ... (read in full...)
What are some good ways for a 13 year old to make money?
Q. What are some good ways for a 13 year old to make money, I get paid for singing in a choir but my mum makes me by EVERYTHING myself (well not literally everything). My mums great,but when it comes to buying me stuff then... She's not so great! I ...
A. 25 August 2015: Social security? Child support? Get a job as a baby sitter? Deliver news papers? That's what I did to get money when I was under 18. Got my first job at 13 delivering news papers in my neighborhood. Got up at 5am every morning, went to bed at 9pm. ... (read in full...)
I'm conflicted. I love her personality but I'm not attracted to her physically
Q. I have always been attracted to thin petite woman however the past 3 months I've been dating a woman who I would consider overweight, nothing drastic though. I started dating her mainly because I love her personality and she is very nice and ...
A. 24 August 2015: She's a friend. In order to be a girlfriend, there needs to be both physical and mental attraction. Just one or the other will never work out. You'll try, sure, but you'll just end up with sexual frustration, dissatisfaction, and in the end just ... (read in full...)
Am I just too jaded and expecting too much of a my boyfriend?
Q. So is it me and my large amount of bitterness and cynicism? Here are the facts, and please lemme know your ace value opinion. My bf and i have been dating for 2.5 years. As of last month I told him I didn't wanna be w/ him anymore in an em...
A. 24 August 2015: My opinion: this is something you brought on yourself. So you broke up with him, then why are you still calling him to hang around, to help you out, when all you do afterwards is blame him for any troubles? If you had been independent and taken your ... (read in full...)
Am I being stupid? I just feel like I've worked really hard and I have tons of holiday days left to take from work and I just don't want to sit at home!
Q. So I don't want this to come across as being very spoilt or like I'm entitled but me and my other half of 4 years have been saving for a deposit for our own place, this year after having a special event on at work I have been working 12 days on and ...
A. 12 August 2015: Go on your own. Enjoy your time off! It's GREAT to go alone, actually, if you've yet not experienced it. You can go exactly where you want, see what you want, eat when and where you want, and suddenly change plans if you want. It's amazing, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says that he owns me and will say he wants to hurt me during sex. Is this the beginning of an abusive relationship?
Q. I started dating my boyfriend coming up for a year now. I'm 25 and he's 45. From the moment we met we got on great and always love being in each others company. But a few months ago I had a night out and he went very weird with me saying he didn't ...
A. 12 August 2015: Yes, this is the start. Controlling your actions and movement and making you feel guilty when you've done nothing wrong, is a controlling maneuver. Controlling is abusing. You never own another person. Never.
You should remember this when it ... (read in full...)
Why do most guys like big boobs so much?
Q. Why do most men (especially guys my age...) like big boobs so much? As I see it, it's just extra fat! And last time I checked, for men, too much fat is bad. I have small breasts and feel so inadequate. Breasts are so "out there" (unlike a penis - ...
A. 12 August 2015: Not all guys like big boobs. It's probably just the way things looks in your eyes, because you pay extra attention to it (my guess is you don't feel like you have big boobs, and it's an insecurity of yours).
-reading further down your post, I ... (read in full...)
I don't know if I am lesbian gay or straight and I'm really confused!
Q. I can't handle not knowing for sure anymore, am I bisexual or straight? I have been attracted to boys since I was 3, not in a sexual way obviously, and I am 17 turning 18 in a couple months now. I've never had feelings for girls, in a romantic way ...
A. 10 August 2015: Listen, you do NOT need to put yourself in a box. Nor do you need to know for all eternity who you will ever in your lifetime be attracted to. Whether it be gender, or a specific personality. These things we simply do not know, not any one of us. We ... (read in full...)
Is it considered cheating if you get turned on by another person's smell?
Q. Hey I have a somewhat odd question to ask Basically I'm in a long term relationship and I adore the way my partner smells. I won't go into details but basically it really gets my motor going, and I'm pretty sure many other people must feel a simi...
A. 7 August 2015: Cheating is an act. React to a scent, or reacting in any other form or manner, is a reaction, not an action. It's subconscious, not conscious. So it's not cheating. You felt turned on by his smell, you didn't get turned on because you started to ... (read in full...)
My very well off boyfriend spent time with me on birthday but didn't get me flowers, candy or a gift. He says I shouldn't complain because he spent time with me!
Q. Hello, I am dating a man for 7 months and we have been intimate and exclusive. It was my birthday; but he didn't think it important to send a card, or flowers or take me to dinner. He came over my house and spent time with me, in our intimate way...
A. 7 August 2015: He's the one being ridiculous. Of course you want a gift on your birthday, he probably got so angry with you to hide the fact that he forgot about your birthday. I've never had a boyfriend who didn't give me a birthday gift, no matter how lousy or ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend can't last long sexually and I'm wondering the reason why?
Q. Hi, my boyfriend seems to lack physical endurance in bed. He's in pretty good shape, plays sports and lifts weights several times a week, so it's pretty surprising to me that we can't have sex for more than 5 minutes without him feeling physically ...
A. 6 August 2015: Lifting weights and appearing to be in good shape doesn't mean you actually are. My stepfather was thin, in "good shape", he went jogging almost every day and was active. He also smoked every day, and drank every day, ate tons of candy and died at ... (read in full...)
Why do women do this? why allude that we have a future and then jump ship in the middle of the ocean?
Q. I've been trying to date a friend of mine for a few months. She said she didn't want a relationship. And I never forced her hand. So for months you don't want a relationship, but you were cool with us talking all night on the phone, video chatting...
A. 5 August 2015: She played you. Sorry, I know it sucks. Women can be players as well as any guy. Players do this for the same reason regardless of their gender: they are selfish and has little respect for the others feelings. They want immediate satisfaction of ... (read in full...)
I gave my boyfriend a handjob. Is there a risk of pregnancy?
Q. I just wanted to know if there is any risk on pregnancy in my situation, I gave my boyfriend a handjob and he had clothing on ( Basketball shorts and underwear) he had his clothing on the entire time this happened, I had a dress on, some clear fluid ...
A. 3 August 2015: No. The sperm needs to be inside of your vagina for there to be a chance of pregnancy.
This is why kids and teens NEED sex ed!!! I am scared by the ignorance of some teens, all because of ignorant adults who thinks teaching someone about sex will... (read in full...)
Online dating - why do women never reply to email?
Q. I admit I've tried online dating because it's convenient and saves a lot of time and creates a certain comfort level for people because a person can always choose not to respond and feel no pressure. My problem is nobody responds. When I send a ...
A. 3 August 2015: Just read Cindy's answer. I think you need to weigh in the number of messages the other person receives. I only got about 10-20 messages a week, although some days 10 a day. These days though, they have a button that sends an automatic message in ... (read in full...)
Online dating - why do women never reply to email?
Q. I admit I've tried online dating because it's convenient and saves a lot of time and creates a certain comfort level for people because a person can always choose not to respond and feel no pressure. My problem is nobody responds. When I send a ...
A. 3 August 2015: Uuh, dude, I have an eyeopener for you. You think it's just WOMEN who don't reply? I've been on dating sites too, and I sent by far more messages than I got in return, especially if you leave out the "hi" messages (just hi, nothing else) that some ... (read in full...)
When my girlfriend and I have a fight I often go on FB and look up my ex. Why do I do this?
Q. I Broke up with my ex 5 years ago. (Together for one year) I was so in love with her ... she was exactly the type of girl I wanted except for she was a bitch to me and her very close knit family hated me. I tried really hard to fix things with her ...
A. 3 August 2015: I think it's a matter of self control. If you have it, you can actively choose to NOT look up your ex. You even said yourself it has no purpose and there's no point to it. You don't love your ex any longer, she was a bitch to you, and you are much ... (read in full...)
I don't want to cheat on my husband but don't know how long I can go being unsatisfied
Q. So basically for the past 2 weeks or so I've been extremely horny. Like to the point that I think I might cheat on my husband if given the opportunity. I also gave myself my first orgasm ever last night. I am not being satisfied by my husband at the ...
A. 19 July 2015: Have you had a serious discussion with your husband about this? What does he say? You say he rejects you, but other than that, have you had a proper discussion with him about this? You need to talk about it, it's the only way to solve this.
In th... (read in full...)
Do I apologize to guy A for making out with guy B in front of guy A?
Q. I was sort of seeing "guy A" for a about a month and a half. He was great, other than the fact that he lives nowhere near me, so dating on the regular, thus creating an emotional attachment, was just not going to happen. He is really good frie...
A. 19 July 2015: Don't apologize, not so long after the event. You could have said sorry then and there, after he commented to you about it. Or you could have been more discreet about it when you wanted to kiss guy B. But, I don't get why you would kiss guy B if you ... (read in full...)
All my friends do sleep randomly with anyone. I don't because it concerns me. Am I too sceptical thinking it's dangerous?
Q. Is it dangerous to sleep with anyone randomly? Because all my friends do that and nothing happens but I'm very sceptical? I need answers because I'm struggling....
A. 18 July 2015: Ha, found it!
http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html#number... (read in full...)
All my friends do sleep randomly with anyone. I don't because it concerns me. Am I too sceptical thinking it's dangerous?
Q. Is it dangerous to sleep with anyone randomly? Because all my friends do that and nothing happens but I'm very sceptical? I need answers because I'm struggling....
A. 18 July 2015: I think I read somewhere, or maybe it was just gossip on dearcupid, that the average number of sexual partners, worldwide, is 4.
... (read in full...)
All my friends do sleep randomly with anyone. I don't because it concerns me. Am I too sceptical thinking it's dangerous?
Q. Is it dangerous to sleep with anyone randomly? Because all my friends do that and nothing happens but I'm very sceptical? I need answers because I'm struggling....
A. 18 July 2015: "A lot" is an unspecific term and can mean just about anything, depending on the viewpoint of each and every person. I have a friend who's only ever slept with 4 people, she thinks thats plentiful. I myself have to admit I stopped counting/stopped ... (read in full...)
All my friends do sleep randomly with anyone. I don't because it concerns me. Am I too sceptical thinking it's dangerous?
Q. Is it dangerous to sleep with anyone randomly? Because all my friends do that and nothing happens but I'm very sceptical? I need answers because I'm struggling....
A. 18 July 2015: Yes, you can ask that everyone you sleep with get tested, but that isn't going to happen if you're looking for a one night stand. You'll need to get to know a person first, and agree on some sort of arrangement, exclusivity, otherwise there'd be no ... (read in full...)
All my friends do sleep randomly with anyone. I don't because it concerns me. Am I too sceptical thinking it's dangerous?
Q. Is it dangerous to sleep with anyone randomly? Because all my friends do that and nothing happens but I'm very sceptical? I need answers because I'm struggling....
A. 18 July 2015: Depends on what you are scared of. If you're scared of pregnancy, don't worry, just wear condoms and you'll be fine. If you're scared of STI's, same answer as above, wear a condom and you'll be fine.
Really, you can't go around being scared o... (read in full...)
| *higirl's friends
These are mutual friends, so *higirl has
added them and they have added *higirl!
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![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png){kind=small}
