| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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My boyfriend expects me to pay for him!
Q. I'm confused. My current boyfriend with whom I'm in a LDR with for over a year seems to be the kind of guy who is used to his girlfriend buying him things and paying for things/meals. This is the first boyfriend (I've had 4 BFs) or guy I know that ...
A. 6 December 2015: What if there's a real emergency? Well then he'll go to his family! You're not his wife, you have obligations towards him. My guess is the only emergency this guy runs into will require you to pay him loads of money, some way or other.
For r... (read in full...)
My boyfriend expects me to pay for him!
Q. I'm confused. My current boyfriend with whom I'm in a LDR with for over a year seems to be the kind of guy who is used to his girlfriend buying him things and paying for things/meals. This is the first boyfriend (I've had 4 BFs) or guy I know that ...
A. 6 December 2015: Good for you!... (read in full...)
My boyfriend expects me to pay for him!
Q. I'm confused. My current boyfriend with whom I'm in a LDR with for over a year seems to be the kind of guy who is used to his girlfriend buying him things and paying for things/meals. This is the first boyfriend (I've had 4 BFs) or guy I know that ...
A. 5 December 2015: Btw, why on earth should he start looking for a job in a MONTH, and not right away? You're just making up excuses for him. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend expects me to pay for him!
Q. I'm confused. My current boyfriend with whom I'm in a LDR with for over a year seems to be the kind of guy who is used to his girlfriend buying him things and paying for things/meals. This is the first boyfriend (I've had 4 BFs) or guy I know that ...
A. 5 December 2015: No no no no!
You can not help him change his personality! No woman on earth can do that! No one can change another person! The only way a person can change is if they themselves take initiative and want to change! This is not, i repeat NOT, som... (read in full...)
My boyfriend expects me to pay for him!
Q. I'm confused. My current boyfriend with whom I'm in a LDR with for over a year seems to be the kind of guy who is used to his girlfriend buying him things and paying for things/meals. This is the first boyfriend (I've had 4 BFs) or guy I know that ...
A. 4 December 2015: No, there is not a chance to make this work. A man (adult one at that) is not a work in progress that needs saving from a girlfriend to get "fixed". He's like this, and he will forever be like this. It's not working now, and it will not get better ... (read in full...)
He broke a cup I gave him, but has chosen to not replace it. Should I let this upset me so much?
Q. I bought my hubby a cup with the words, love you more then shoes on it. He accidently broke it and said he would get another but he still hasnt. it hurts me that he hasnt replaced it and it shows he doesnt care. I've reminded him to get it and s...
A. 3 December 2015: No, you shouldn't let this upset you so much. My question to you is, is this a deliberate feeling, or something you feel unable to control? In other words, are you upset because you feel entitled to it, and are asking you if you are entitled (in ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend expects me to pay for him!
Q. I'm confused. My current boyfriend with whom I'm in a LDR with for over a year seems to be the kind of guy who is used to his girlfriend buying him things and paying for things/meals. This is the first boyfriend (I've had 4 BFs) or guy I know that ...
A. 3 December 2015: Absolutely you can "ding" him for not paying you back the money you were supposed to get in return from the times you bought his family stuff! Now, seeing as you KNOW he does NOT pay you this money, but KEEPS IT FOR HIMSELF, now what does that tell ... (read in full...)
Should I be mad at my boyfriend for not telling me when his flight leaves?
Q. I am very upset with my boyfriend right now. He is on his way back from visiting family in Florida. His plane was supposed to be leaving today. I know this because he told me that his return date is December 2nd. But I do not know the departure ...
A. 3 December 2015: Try to call him. If the phone is dead/off then you'll get the answering machine right away. If it rings, well then you'll have the chance to ask him whats up and when he will be home.
BTW, there are so many feelings that are worse than this one... (read in full...)
Should I be mad at my boyfriend for not telling me when his flight leaves?
Q. I am very upset with my boyfriend right now. He is on his way back from visiting family in Florida. His plane was supposed to be leaving today. I know this because he told me that his return date is December 2nd. But I do not know the departure ...
A. 3 December 2015: Im guessing, if he normally texts/calls you to inform about when the flights is etc. then there is a reason why he didn't do it this time. My guess is (as the easiest guess is regularly the correct one), is that his phone died. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend expects me to pay for him!
Q. I'm confused. My current boyfriend with whom I'm in a LDR with for over a year seems to be the kind of guy who is used to his girlfriend buying him things and paying for things/meals. This is the first boyfriend (I've had 4 BFs) or guy I know that ...
A. 3 December 2015: Oh, and don't be too hard on yourself, we all like to believe all people are decent and honest, and when our feelings get in the way it's hard to see things for what they are. I've been in your shoes with a mooching boyfriend who would just "borrow" ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend expects me to pay for him!
Q. I'm confused. My current boyfriend with whom I'm in a LDR with for over a year seems to be the kind of guy who is used to his girlfriend buying him things and paying for things/meals. This is the first boyfriend (I've had 4 BFs) or guy I know that ...
A. 3 December 2015: You don't know where he gets the money? Well, sweetie, you honestly don't believe you are the only woman he mooches on, do you?
It's a LDR. you have no idea what he is up to when he's not sucking up to you for money. When the lap lop is closed, ... (read in full...)
Why do women become so much more interesting when you are committed?
Q. Hello cupid I'm recently committed after a long time and I have been very comfortable and happy with my girlfriend. Before meeting my girlfriend, many girls showed interest but I was adamant to stay single till I find the person I can be fully mys...
A. 2 December 2015: I think it's lame that women do this, but here's why I believe it happens: insecure women are more interested in something when they know other women have give it their "stamp of approval".
Example, take a sale at a clothing store. This happens ... (read in full...)
His house is filthy but he wants me to move in - Agh!
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now. He has been wanting me to move in for awhile now ( we live 40 mins apart) and well, I really don't want too. Here is why- His house is a wreck. He does not sweep or dust. He has two 130 pound dogs ...
A. 2 December 2015: I think he only wants you to move in so you'll be hos cleaning lady.
Tell him you will move in once the dogs move out of the bed and he's able to keep the house clean and neat and up to your standards. ... (read in full...)
Can I tame this player?
Q. Hi. I’m a 23 year old girl and I’m falling head over heels for a boy at my university. The problem is he’s a real player and sleeps around A LOT. But could he be relationship material? He’s literally all I can think about lately. He’s 21 and ha...
A. 2 December 2015: It's not about taming. That's controlling behaviour. When in a relationship, it's all about accepting the person for who they are, and if they want to come closer they will, and if they don't then you need to respect that.
What all this means is... (read in full...)
Why does my girlfriend all of the sudden have that horrible odor down there??
Q. I have kind of an embrassing question... My girlfrirnd is on birth control so we have alot of unprotected sex. Probably atleast 3 to 5 times a day. I always cum inside of her since she can't get pregnant while she is on the birth control. The birth ...
A. 2 December 2015: Probably a yeast infection, or something she ate. Not an STI, they don't smell. Or you caught her at a bad time. The smell does change when you're with a new partner, but it changes quickly, so you'd have noticed that by now if that was it. So Im ... (read in full...)
What was my friend thinking? She talks about his bad points, yet then she put me in a difficult postion, that she must have known I would not appreciate?
Q. Hey aunts This is not a relationship question but a friendship question. So my best friend know how i feel about my ex and i have multiple times expressed that i do not want to talk to him if i don't have to (that is avoid him as much as po...
A. 2 December 2015: Ok, you need to grow up. It is not your friends job to take care of you and baby you and "allow" you, a grown woman, to go home with either this or that person. That is YOUR job and YOUR decision to make and YOUR responsibility. Don't try to pass ... (read in full...)
Her daughter is a nightmare at bedtime! Ideas on how to deal with her?
Q. I'm in a relationship with a lovely woman who has a 9 year old daughter whom I absolutely adore. She is a great kid, but has quite a problem when it comes to bedtime. And it is driving my gf completely insane to the point she is at her wits end. ...
A. 26 November 2015: And what does the doctor say, is this related to her diagnosis? Without knowing the mother or the child, or any bit about what's going on in your lives, it is very hard to give suggestions. You just say she's difficult/impossible to get to bed, yet ... (read in full...)
My new boyfriend lives in a tip
Q. I went round to my new boyfriend's house. I was very shocked. The place is an absolute tip. The kitchen is stacked high with dirty dishes and the washing in piles, garden unkempt and bike parts everywhere. When he came over for dinner he brought a ...
A. 23 November 2015: I second your own post, OP. Id react the same way you do, and honestly.. if he's just a new boyfriend I'd walk out. I am clean and tidy as well and could never picture my life living with a slob.
If all you want from him is good times and no f... (read in full...)
Was it OK to ask my landlord for a female property manager when viewing requested repairs? The male PM seemed annoyed
Q. Hi, Guess I'm just looking for reassurance that I have done the right thing. I live in a rented flat and the landlord has a property Manager (PM) who does inspections which should only be done every 6 months or so or if I request a repair. Anyway...
A. 23 November 2015: You're allowed to ask. You're not in a position to demand, but asking is always allowed. ... (read in full...)
To have or not have children? Can people give their stories?
Q. We are deciding whether or not we want to have children and we're leaning towards not. We've been together for years, value our spare time, our independence, ability to take trips at a whim and the quietness of our lives. I've done plenty of reading ...
A. 20 November 2015: Btw, Im not much older than you, but I do not have children, nor do I want children right now either. I do want children, absolutely, at the right time. Now's not the right time. Me ad my boyfriend can barely decide whether to get a dog together or ... (read in full...)
To have or not have children? Can people give their stories?
Q. We are deciding whether or not we want to have children and we're leaning towards not. We've been together for years, value our spare time, our independence, ability to take trips at a whim and the quietness of our lives. I've done plenty of reading ...
A. 20 November 2015: When in doubt, dont buy. That's a very handy saying, and it's so true. If you have doubts, then it's not right for you. If you later find out that having children is your one true dream and you can't imagine living or taking another breath without ... (read in full...)
Ladies: Would it bother you if the guy rarely called and acted like he really didn't care if he seen you or not?
Q. Does it bother you girls, you been seeing a guy for four months, and if he doesn't call or tex, for a couple days, an only has time to see you, once a week even though you live in the same, small town, but when you are together, its fantastic, but ...
A. 20 November 2015: Yeah, it'd bother me, and it'd bother every woman I know. The only cases where I would imagine this to not be a problem is if the woman genuinely does not care for this man, and maybe she's seeing someone else as well. ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a virgin to feel horny?
Q. Helo. Ok i want to know if its usual to be horny even when you never had sex before. I am a virgin but sometimes i crave sex. If its normal, how do i control it since i have no boyfriend and im waiting to have my first time with someone very special ...
A. 10 November 2015: Normal.... (read in full...)
Fearful I'll suffer a STD like HIV. Do I need professional therapy or counselling for my fear?
Q. As the previous questions that I've posted on this site indicate, I was previously in the habit of patronizing the services of sex workers on a regular basis. However, about a year ago, I gave up this past time, largely due to my fear of ...
A. 9 November 2015: Your doctor will treat you physically, not mentally. When you're trying to battle urges and compulsions, you need someone who helps you build that mental strength. A doctor is a physician, mainly. Your doctor might be able to refer you to a ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend loves me but made it clear we will never marry. I'm heartbroken!
Q. Hi, in really confuse, sad and needed an advice. I have a boyfriend. I love him so much, he said he love me too. Im too serious in our relationship and im hoping that this wll lead us to marriage. Today i make a joke to him about getting married, ...
A. 7 November 2015: This is not what you want. Never give up your dreams for any man! If you dream of marriage, then do not think you can settle for a simple relationship. It isn't what you want. You will not get used to the situation, you will always be hoping for ... (read in full...)
Fearful I'll suffer a STD like HIV. Do I need professional therapy or counselling for my fear?
Q. As the previous questions that I've posted on this site indicate, I was previously in the habit of patronizing the services of sex workers on a regular basis. However, about a year ago, I gave up this past time, largely due to my fear of ...
A. 7 November 2015: When faced with anxiety or fears that have an impact on your daily life, I will always recommend therapy. If you can afford it, naturally, as it can be quite expensive. Although in your case, I see a second good reason for entering therapy. Not only ... (read in full...)
I think my summer fling from Norway has an ulterior motive in wanting to meet up again!
Q. I hooked up with a foreign girl whilst on holiday last summer and she's just messaged me saying she wants to meet up again. But I'm slightly wary of her. I'm 22. Me and a group of friends went on a lads holiday to Sunny Beach in Bulgaria back in...
A. 5 November 2015: ... I don't get it, what motive do you think she has? Dude, the girl just wants to f*** you. Relax though, you're not the first guy to get scared by women with a sexual appetite, and being scared when you find yourself being the pray instead of the ... (read in full...)
How do I express how I feel after sex?
Q. Girls, the new woman am seeing,don't, like it when guys fall to quick for her, she tell's me, I do have feelings for her, so after sex, do I tell her I love making love to her, or I like fucking her, that sounds cheap to me, with out feelings, am ...
A. 5 November 2015: Do you need to say anything? If she doesn't like it when men fall for her too quickly, then my advice to you is to try and understand why. Perhaps it is something in your behavior that changes, perhaps she doesn't like all the romance etc. If you're ... (read in full...)
Should I feel obligated to send my ex a card just to follow along with a tradition we started?
Q. I know this sounds trivial - but my ex from years ago still keeps in touch. He visits from time to time and sends me birthday cards even though I have no more feelings for him. I am not bothered whether I keep in touch with him or not these da...
A. 1 November 2015: No, don't send a card. If he complains I would really question what sort of a friend he is anyways. Friendship doesn't mean you get to demand things. Friendships, like relationships, are about accepting the other person for who they are, not demand ... (read in full...)
Why can't people just accept not everyone wants children?
Q. My husband and I have been married for 2 years and have no children because we chose not to have any- we are both very happy with our lives and children are not for us. My cousin who got married 8 months after us has just revealed she is ...
A. 30 October 2015: People say this because meeting someone who made a different choice from them is scary, and they feel an urgent need to reassure themselves that they made the right choice, so as to not feel like fools because they don't trust their own judgment.
... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend having sex with her personal trainer?
Q. Hi guys, I've been dating someone for 6 months now and generally it's been great. She has had a personal trainer (PT) for about 8 months. I was happy she had goals and wants to achieve them. I've started becoming concerned with the chat...
A. 30 October 2015: Too little info for me to go on. It could be something, it could be nothing. A life lesson though, is to never judge someone. Remember that she's innocent until proven guilty. Don't rush to assumptions. If the behavior puts you off, then maybe tell ... (read in full...)
How do I ask my lesbian friend to date me?
Q. I am a junior in high school, and I have a friend that I really, REALLY like. There's just one problem: she's lesbian. Well, from what she says, she's more bisexual, just on the women's side. I do a lot for her, just because she's my friend. I rec...
A. 30 October 2015: Just one problem? Sorry dude, but sexual orientation isn't a "little problem" in this case. It's a no-go, that's what it is. Leave it be and focus on dating someone who's available and likes boys. I think you only like this girl because you know you ... (read in full...)
I can't last long in bed and I know I'm disappointing my girlfriend
Q. Hey All, First time posting here and I just want to thank anyone who answers in advance! I'll start off by saying that I have the most beautiful, adorable and amazing girlfriend in the world. She's really very fun, understanding and very honest ...
A. 25 October 2015: You can only do your best, and your best is always good enough. If she's so understanding and sweet, I am sure she does NOT feel disappointed in you. Sounds to me like you give her everything she needs sexually. Has she complained directly to you, ... (read in full...)
My guy says he'll give me oral sex if I shave but I don't want to do that
Q. Been with my partner for just over a year, my only problem is...I've gone down on him many times, but he has never gone down on me. He told me he would touch me "down there" more often even possibly go down on me if I.....Shaved. ...
A. 24 October 2015: How can you not have seen each other naked, yet have had oral sex? Doesn't that require nudity, or do you have sex with the clothes on?
I would try to get intimate enough to have sex with the clothes off, and being naked together, before you move... (read in full...)
Having sex with him was so unsexy I felt like a was doing a shft at work!
Q. I have recently started dating again and have been seeing this one guy in particular for a couple of months now. Last night things progressed further than they have and we moved to the bedroom, however it was a bit of a disaster in my eyes. He s...
A. 19 October 2015: Don't feel cruel. You gave it a shot, it's not your idea of sexy, and you have every right to end it. Continuing to date someone out of pity or because you feel you "have" to do it for some reason, is just stupid, and it's also pointless. You know ... (read in full...)
Suddenly I've developed Erectile dysfunction. I feel I'm too young to have this happen. What could be wrong?
Q. AUNTS I NEED HELP I'm 22 years old. I shouldn't be suffering this right? I always get a very hard erection anytime anywhere Even very little things can make me hard.. i'm equally attracted to my beautiful girl friend But recently.. at lea...
A. 16 October 2015: Im not a guy, but from what I know this happens from time to time. Nothing to worry about! You're NOT experiencing erectile dysfunction, because you DO get an erection. It just seems not as hard as before, and I am sure you're the only one who can ... (read in full...)
Is sexting ok when you are in a relationship?
Q. It was a two month relationship. I found him sexting other women and I lost it,cried the whole night etc,didn't let him sleep but the lies he told the other woman was devastating. I have learnt my lesson to leave if anything like this happens ...
A. 12 October 2015: No. Sexting is cheating. Anything you can't be open about with your partner is not acceptable.... (read in full...)
Why does he only text me during the weekdays? not the weekends??
Q. Wtf! okay once i'm sorry for asking so much advice but :( i need advice aunts. My ex boyfriend and I are talking again and we are not going out officially but he only texts me/calls me/video chats me on the weekdays (btw we live 6 hours away fro...
A. 11 October 2015: I see someone liked my response? lol... (read in full...)
How can I ask my friends to set me up for blind dates?
Q. How can I ask my friends to set me up on dates? So I am definitely at the right stage where I want to meet new people, thing is I'm really shy so I don't know many people. So how can I get my friends to set me up on blind dates....
A. 11 October 2015: Say it like this:
"You know, Im getting ready for dating now, Ive been single for a long enough time. You don't know any nice single men, by chance?"... (read in full...)
Ghost of Bf's sexual past invading current relationship
Q. So I've been with the boyfriend just under a year. Recently found out that one of his friends (a girl) who he has known since he was a teenager (he's approaching 40) he slept with two years ago (after his his birthday party). Very drunk affair- he ...
A. 10 October 2015: He's known her since he was a teenager. Howcome some 20-years of friendship is reduced to a one night stand sex affair? Look, if he only had a one night stand with her, no friendship, didn't know her some 20 years, then SURE I'd get your problem. ... (read in full...)
Why does he only text me during the weekdays? not the weekends??
Q. Wtf! okay once i'm sorry for asking so much advice but :( i need advice aunts. My ex boyfriend and I are talking again and we are not going out officially but he only texts me/calls me/video chats me on the weekdays (btw we live 6 hours away fro...
A. 10 October 2015: Why did you break up? And what has changed to make you think the same problems will not be there any longer?
As for the "why???"'s, you need to give it a break. You sound clingy and needy when you get yourself all worked up on why he's not text... (read in full...)
How do I know I'm reaching the cum stage? I can't feel it reaching that point.
Q. Okay when my bf and I are having sex he asks me all the time did you cum, and I tell him that I don't know. And he says how don't you know if you cummed or not, and I say I don't know. He knows that i do cum because he can feel it, but i can neve...
A. 5 October 2015: First off, women don't "cum". We don't ejaculate sperm. We orgasm. And you haven't. It's really like he says, how come you don't know if you've orgasmed or not? Probably because you've never had an orgasm, so how would you know how it feels?
... (read in full...)
My partner is a virgin. She keeps stalling about starting our physical relationship. What is there to "think about"?
Q. My partner nearly admitted to me that she is a virgin as I think she is as when I approached the subject of us taking our relationship a little further and asked did she want to stay the night with her replying with could she think about. What i...
A. 4 October 2015: How long have you been dating? Perhaps she needs a deeper commitment before she wants to move on. How old is she? If she's quite young then you're gonna have to wait. If she's the same age as you then I think you should try with more commitment and ... (read in full...)
When I'm having some "special me time", I can't orgasm. What do I need to do to address this problem?
Q. Lately when I'm having some "special me time", I can't orgasm. Like, suddenly I get too sensitive down there, and I have to stop. I have to. It's not the sense of too much sensation like "I'm about to orgasm", it's too much sensation like "...
A. 4 October 2015: Wait until you are home alone. The other people in the house are just distracting you, that's why. You're unable to concentrate. ... (read in full...)
When I'm having some "special me time", I can't orgasm. What do I need to do to address this problem?
Q. Lately when I'm having some "special me time", I can't orgasm. Like, suddenly I get too sensitive down there, and I have to stop. I have to. It's not the sense of too much sensation like "I'm about to orgasm", it's too much sensation like "...
A. 3 October 2015: Have you ever had an orgasm before? Is this just a recent problem, or has it always been like this?
If it's a recent problem then I wouldn't worry too much, just change things up a bit and try something new. Maybe a new toy, watch some porn or ... (read in full...)
I'm incredibly attracted to him but not ready to have sex after only one month and 4 dates!
Q. I have been dating a guy for almost a month. We met on a popular dating app and hit it off immediately on our first date. We talked for hours and ended up having to be told to leave the restaurant because they were closing. He took me out for dinner ...
A. 28 September 2015: It's really simple. Don't have sex with someone if they're not your boyfriend. Sex is for RELATIONSHIPS, not dating. That's my personal belief, because sex before relationships only cause confusion, and means the relationship will be based on sex ... (read in full...)
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