A
male
age
26-29,
*Benny tolex
writes: We have been dating for over a year now, things have been going on well between the both of us. As usual she is ready to have sex anytime I ask for it Suddenly things changed! My gentle and caring girlfriend suddenly changed to someone so rigid. She twist anything I say and even curse me on one occasion to confirm if am saying the truth or not Actually I know the trust is no more there, today she told me we ain't having sex anymore until we get married , please am really confused. I want t know the meaning of all this. Please everyone I need your advice Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2015): This sounds like you are being punishing for being too good of a boyfriend. Women do it all the time, screwing one bad-boy after another for no good reason but demanding more from any guy who treats her well and shows long term potential. She may even be trying to compensate for being too promiscuous in the past.
My advice is don't put up with this BS. Its not your fault that she wants to play bait & switch, or maybe even make you work extra hard to make up for other guys she didn't make work hard enough. Is this your fault? Do you deserve to be punished for it? No.
I am not saying literally just break up with her now. No, this needs some discussion and understanding so nobody does anything rash that they regret. But my first paragraph is to make you see her behavior for what it is.
Maybe she would just like to not having sex quite as often or something like that. Talk to her. But don't forget to respect yourself. Don't automatically assume her demands are reasonable or even logical because they may not be. Think for yourself.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 August 2015):
 Or maybe she thinks a year is long enough for you to have decided whether or not you want to marry her, and wants to force you to make a decision by withholding sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2015): I'd make sure she's not pregnant. Hopefully you use condoms.
If out of the blue she wants to stop, unless you plan to marry her; sounds like a reason given off the top of her head. Hoping you'll back-off, and stop expecting sex. She just may no longer want sex with you. Period!
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (25 August 2015):
Did something else change at the same time? Something at her work? Something in your relationship? Did she suddenly stop speaking to certain friends? Suddenly gained new friends?
I'd be suspicious that she was sexually assaulted. I would try to go to counseling with her, either couples counseling, or individual counseling.
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A
female
reader, cynthia does wonder  +, writes (25 August 2015):
My first thought when I read your story is.. she may more than likely want a commitment before she continues being sexual with you.. she dropped the marriage word and she is hinting at wanting to be married and becoming a wife.. if I were you buy a diamond ring.. and make it an everlasting love.. I hope everything works out for you
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A
male
reader, Benny tolex +, writes (25 August 2015):
Benny tolex is verified as being by the original poster of the question She said there is no real reason for doing this,she just wish to..am scared maybe she's fed up of this relationship
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (25 August 2015):
 Hi,i forgot to mention also, that as far as her acting out suddenly and cursing you etc;, this may simply be because she is unhappy, not content with things, she may be losing interest, she may be stressed about something and she's yet to inform you.It may be because of many things and don't take it personally, as i'm sure she doesn't mean to act this way toward you.Again, this is where you go straight to the source, 'HER' and you ask her directly.All the best!
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A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (25 August 2015):
Hi,firstly, if two people love one another and are attracted to each other, it makes perfect sense that the urge to make love to one another would be present, however, may i say, sex isn't always the answer and sex isn't the only thing, that will keep a relationship going for the long term.Your gf has had sex with you and from what you've written, pretty much every time you've wanted to have sex with her.I guess, she too, had no issue with it back then, otherwise she would have said no from the start.Something has suddenly changed, something has shifted right?This sudden change on her part, may be for a variety of reasons.She may have spoken to another person, who may have mentioned that you may leave her, if she continues to give in to you for sex.She may not be feeling well physically.She may fear pregnancy at her age.Just maybe, she has heard some silly rumour going around, about you sleeping around, hence no longer trusting you and choosing to abstain from having sex with you.She may be too scared to tell you at this stage and she may be secretly unhappy and she may even be contemplating leaving you.This is obviously a hypothetical statement on my part, but it may well be true.She may be thinking about what you guys have been doing and as you're both still very young, she may be thinking that she has 'possibly' made an error of judgement here.This is very possible, because many young men and women do regret the act in the aftermath, so to speak.Your gf has integrity and she knows her self-worth and she isn't obligated whatsoever to have sex with you, if she doesn't feel like doing so, certainly not if there is any pressuring on your part. She's a smart young lady.She may wish to wait for the right time, the right moment, from now on.Perhaps she may wish/choose to have a more serious commitment on the part of her male partner, prior to having sex again.She may be scared about continuing with sex and feels that this is the only act, keeping the two of you together.Just maybe, she has realised that she doesn't really like what's been occurring already and she would like to change things for the better.You see, it may be due to one of these things, or more, or possibly none of them.She has her own mind, she makes her own decisions.She is free to do what she sees fit for herself and sex should never be pushed unto anybody, regardless of age and/or gender.Her body is her temple and she decides whst she does or doesn't do with it.If you truly trust, respect, love, honour and appreciate your gf, then do not place any sexual expectations upon her.Show her how much you truly respect, love and care for her, by way of simply being there for her, giving her hugs, cuddles, complimenting her, telling her that some day, when you're able to, you will marry her and you will commit to her fully, before expecting her to continuously have sex with you, if she doesn't truly want to.Maybe she requires more security in her life. A safety net, so to speak.If you pressure her too much, she'll only grow to resent you and she'll suspect that just maybe, you're using her primarily for self sexual gratification.I am sure, you are not this way inclined, however, this is what she may assume.You are both young, don't rush into anything, you have other goals, ambitions and desires at this stage of your respective lives too.There will be plenty of time for sex later down the line.If it is, that you cannot continue to be with her, because you cannot have sex with your gf, then you really need to ask yourself that all important questions.Do i really love my gf and do i really wish to continue being with her?Would i prefer something more casual, whereby i can have all the sex that i want and on demand?Only you can answer these questions truthfully.Also, once you have your answer, you must take action as soon as possible.If you aren't fully committed to her, then set her free immediately, out of love and respect for her.Remember, when you truly love somebody and you can see they're not happy, you will be happier to set them free, so that they can find what they truly want, if it is, that you're unable to do so.The other thing i thought i would mention, is that sexual pleasure is not just by way of sexual intercourse.Two people can pleasure each other in may different ways, without the actual need for full penetration.This may be a much better option at this stage of your relationship, considering that your gf won't have sex with you anymore.She may or may not want foreplay or carressing and cuddling either, so be pre-prepared for this too.At some stage and very soon, i would strongly advise you to sit your gf down and in a respectful, consistently calm and rational manner, ask your gf why she has suddenly changed her mind and let her know how you feel, regarding the entire matter.Only your gf can give you the response that you seek.We can advise you, however, she has the actual answer that you seek.In the meantime, remember to be a gentleman, respect her right to choose what she wants or doesn't want and if you do love her and if you do want to be with her, then you will just have to accept what is, for the time being, until your gf should inform you otherwise.It is also possible, that she may not be as attracted to you anymore and she may be contemplating leaving you, but of course, these are just hypotheticals at this stage and obviously nobody can be sure about this, certainly not me.Could she have met somebody else? This is a realistic possibility too and she's yet to inform you. Of course, we cannot be sure about this though.I am just being totally honest and upfront with you here, so please don't take it personally.All the best and please let me know how you go. :-)
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (25 August 2015):
Well between that and the acting out it sounds to me like she's looking for an out. But as others have mentioned you'll have to have a conversation with her about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2015): Sounds like she caught you in a lie somewhere along the line.
Maybe she heard something.
I think she's just tired of you getting sex anytime you want it. Maybe you've been wanting it too much; and showing little real feelings toward her. She sounds like a smart girl to me.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 August 2015):
 Ask her.
Maybe she feels that the relationship have been too much about sex?
Maybe someone has mentioned that you might not stick around and marry her BECAUSE she had sex with you already...
THERE are so many options, but ONLY your GF can tell you why SHE has decided this.
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