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anonymous
writes: Help I am nearly 16 and I haven't had a boyfriend and it's really depressing me. I never get to meet anyone during the holidays because my parents take me to France every holiday and then make sure I am in their sight the whole time. Please help. I am almost desperate Reply to this Question
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reader, Scouzer  +, writes (13 June 2005):
If you just get a boyfriend then you're not really giving them much choice coz it's your life not theirs. Don't do anything stupid and choose a boy that you think your parents will aprove of...it always works for me and I'm only 12! Good Luck!Scouzer
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2005): You need to sit down and talk to your parents. The first answer is completely right but I'm sure you have some nice guys at your school whom you would like to date. Not every guy is out to have sex with you. Discuss the guy with your parents and ask them if he could come over for dinner. Date him at home first and after your parents have grown respect for him they will let you go out with him. Be patient, dating isn't all it cracked up to be. You not only have to worry about your problems but you have to worry about somebody elses problems. It can be very stressfull to make someone else happy when you are just discovering who you are and trying to make yourself happy.
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female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (9 June 2005):
 Hey where the rush to get a boyfriend!? You have a few years ahead of you yet, before you need to start worrying about men... they are not the be all and end in life.... be happy with yourself as having a boyfriend doesnt necessarily mean you will be happier. you parents just care for you, you should feel good about that, there are a lot of parents out there that really dont care what their children get up to. At least your parents love you enough to protect you. In time things will become gradually easier as they will come to realise that you are turining into a young woman. Some parents find it hard to accept that thier children are turning into young adults, but as time goes on they will slowly change persepective. Enjoy your teenage years without being bogged down with a man. You will find a guy when the time is right, but for now there is no rush, just relax and be happy with yourself for you, you dont need a boyfriend to make you a better person. Things will pan out eventually they always do. My dad even now doesnt accept that i have grown up, and im 30! and moved out of home years ago, to him im still his little girl.. but they do soften as they understand that thier little girl as turned into a lovely young woman. Dont be agro with them as that will only make things worse... they will slowly come round, it will just take them some time to adjust to thier little girl growing up.Take care
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (8 June 2005):
 I know I write this advice a lot to young girls in your situation, but I'll say it again, especially for you: your folks are just trying to protect you from predatory men who may only want to use you for sex and then leave you. They're not selfish ogres, locking you away from all social contact for their own warped pleasure. They just want you to continue to be safe.That's not such a bad thing to want, is it?Here's a thought. Ask yourself what having a boyfriend would supply you with that you're missing now. Would it make you smarter? Richer? Kinder to strangers? Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound?Obviously it won't do any of those things. Having a boyfriend doesn't automatically guarantee that you'll be happy or loved, either. Just look further down the list of questions on this site and cast an eye over how many sad, abused girls are in loveless relationships with boyfriends they claim they "love".So, having a boyfriend is a thing you think you want, without really knowing for sure that it's what you need or that it'll make you happy. Going out with guys can be a big risk and your parents are trying to minimise that risk for you. Yes, and it's possible too that they don't want to admit that you're growing up. Still, give them the benefit of the doubt. OK, maybe you feel they're going overboard, watching you all day, every day. There are things you can do.First of all, don't rock up to the oldies and announce that you want a boyfriend, as if they could open up a can in the pantry and produce one for you. Instead, try socialising in groups of friends that include boys. Get to know some guys as friends. Why not get to know some French boys? Let your parents meet your friends and see why you like them. Then they'll be a lot more open about you going out and having some fun with them.From the sounds of things, your folks aren't likely to let you jump into unchaperoned dating straightaway, so be realistic with them. When you go somewhere with your parents, why not ask if you can bring along a male friend? Or a few friends that might include a male friend?You have to be willing to compromise, to meet your folks halfway, if you want them to learn to treat you as the maturing young woman that you are.Keep in mind that it wasn't that long ago (by your mum and dad's reckoning) that you were just a kid with no interest in boys. It's a little hard for them to reverse a lifetime's habits, so give them a chance to learn to loosen up.What you definitely should NOT do is start dating behind their backs. It's a sure way to get them offside and ensure that they clamp down on you in ways you haven't even begun to imagine. Just take things slowly and show them that you're careful, thoughtful and responsible enough to date, and they'll come around.Good luck.
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