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*aprikababy
writes: I'm really worried! Me and my boyfriend of 6 months tried to have sex and it hurt so much that I had to tell him to stop! I am a virgin and I wanna know how I can make it any easier because I really am worried that that isn't normal! Help! Reply to this Question
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reader, shrty8846 +, writes (15 June 2005):
sex is a beautiful thing and it should be pleasurable. try lubrication an d foreplay
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reader, Mickey_Powell +, writes (14 June 2005):
 You should loosen up it won't hurt as much!! It wil hurt on your first time though, but you need to stop worrying for it will hurt less!!
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (14 June 2005):
 Maybe you need to ensure that you are properly lubricated before you try again,.. all woman are different, and whilst you may feel that you were turned on enough it could just be you that were not quite wet enough for your first time. Maybe try again when you are relaxed calm and ready and maybe use some KY jelly, get your partner to be patient with you and hopefully this will pan out for you. You could try by putting some KY jelly on your partners penis he will like this, and then maybe some just on the inside of you... take it slowly and with ease and try to relax as much as possible and hopefully this will cure the problem so that the next few times it will be really nice for you. If you have tried again and you are still having problems it might be worth while getting checked out incaseyou have thrush or something like that as that can makeyou really sore when having sex. Im guessing that alot of it is nerves and not being lubricated enough, just take your time and it will eventually be a lovely experience for you.
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reader, Blunt +, writes (14 June 2005):
Eventually it will get easier. Right now all i can say is lots of foreplay and oral sex to get you ready. When you are fully aroused it will be a lot easier for penetration.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (14 June 2005):
 Short answer: That's pretty normal and it's probably nothing to worry about.
Long answer: Yours is a typical experience for young women having sex for the first time with their young, inexperienced boyfriends.
Quite contrary to every movie and TV show you've ever seen, first-time sex is not a guaranteed transcendental bonding experience. For women, it can be awkward, embarrassing and painful. For men, it can be quick and disappointing. Of course, it can also be wonderful and inexpressively beautiful. It sort of comes down to the motivation and skill of the participants.
Your boyfriend probably was so eager to actually do the deed (who can blame him, really) that he forgot to make it special for you, or to "warm you up" first, or to ease in gradually. Young guys tend to focus on their own sensations and don't think to regard the pleasure of their partners as paramount. The result can be uncomfortable or actually unpleasant for their girlfriends. Not all guys, not all the time. But often enough to generalise.
OK, then, what to do about it.
Next time, make very sure that you have lots of time and privacy. Good sex isn't something that can be rushed. Take your time with foreplay. Experiment with everything you can think of, short of actual genital contact! Enjoy oral, both giving and receiving, until you think you can't stand it one second longer. Try straddling him, rocking forward and back and letting him rub back and forth between your vaginal lips. He'll enjoy the sensation and it'll help get you in the mood, too.
Get some lube, too. A few drops goes a long way and can really help when you're nervous.
Finally - and this is crucial - your bf needs to ease in a bit at a time, then pull out if it's starts to hurt you too much. Expect a little discomfort; that's normal, but it shouldn't make you want to scream. Take your time! The sensation gradually changes from pain to pleasure, if he's careful and sensitive about it.
He may need to have already come once so that he can control himself, so maybe give him oral before you try regular sex.
Lastly, if all this doesn't help you get over the pain, then there might be a psychological or medical problem, and you should consider speaking to your doctor about it. Otherwise, have fun!
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