| A ,
anonymous
writes: I'm having problems with my boyfriend. He claims he doesn't want to hurt me but has openly said that we've gotten 'boring'. He says I don't talk enough but I try to. He just doesn't seem interested. I ask him questions relating to topics that I know he's interested in but he just shrugs them off with simple one or two worded replies. When I asked him about it, he said he was just tired. He's started working night-shift at Jack in the Box and I know it can't be easy. I also know he isn't getting enough sleep. What can I do to help him get around that? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2005): Surprise him. In the West Indies we have a saying "Put sumtin on him". You need to think of something sexually adventerous and "put sumtin on him".Also, let him have his rest, write some poems and continue egg on stimulating conversations. If these things don't work just ask him to make a suggestion on something you can do that would make him happy.
A
reader, Your big sis +, writes (9 June 2005):
 Since he's working so much, he values his down time very highly now. Try to arrange an outing where the two of you will be captured in the atmosphere and you'll have something to talk about. The sleep issue? He'll have to decide whether he wants to sleep or participate in an activity with you. Alternate sleep and outings. On the sleep nights, help him relax...buy a back massager at Wal-Mart ($12.99 for a simple one), offer to make breakfast the next morning so you two have a fresh start. Check your local newspaper or the web for stuff to do in your city. Best of luck to both of you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (9 June 2005):
 Start by ensuring that he gets enough time to rest. If he's working the night shift, he's going to need 7-8 hours of good sleep in the morning or the afternoon, so do what you can to make sure he gets it.If you're in the house during that period, consider whether it would be beneficial if you went somewhere else during his sleeping hours. If you're not working then, consider studying elsewhere, volunteering for a few hours or visiting family etc, so that there aren't background noises preventing him from sleeping soundly.Consider investing in some earplugs, or noise-cancelling headphones and do something to keep his sleeping-room dark. Anything that you can think of that will help him get enough rest is good.Once you've tackled that problem, you need to find out what he means when he says you've become boring. Relationships go through dull periods and that's normal, but you need to ask if he means he's bored with you, or just bored with your routine. If you're a young (say 20s) couple, he may just be missing the fact that you don't go to music venues or parties much any more. Find out, then try to encourage him along to events you know he'd like.If what he means is that your relationship has become stale (that's also pretty normal, by the way, particularly after 5 or more years), then you need to find out what he's missing, so you can decide if you miss it too. Is it spontaneous travel that's missing? Wild, carefree sex? Intellectual stimulation? You can find solutions to all these things, but you need to ask your boyfriend to be as specific as he can.Encourage him to spend time with his mates now and then, too. Even men in satisfying relationships with women need time where they just hang out with other guys and grunt and scratch and drink beer... and whatever else they do. ;-) He may miss time with his mates.In the end, you can't solve this problem for him. Both of you need to work together to try to find a way to spark things up again, but if he's the one who's "bored" then he needs to suggest what he thinks is missing. Ask him.
...............................
|
