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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,i have been dating my boyfriend for two years now and for the most part it's been a great relationship. Lately, however, I have started noticing how much smarter I am than him. I know that sounds awful but I have always been very good at school, am an avid reader and have a photographic memory that allows me to pick up on new skills fast. He on the other hand is not quite as fortunate, which has led me to look down on him in some respects every time he doesn't quite get something, or chooses to play video games instead of read a book. I know this is only a small part of him, but I can't get it out of my head and I don't know if i can spend the rest of my life with someone who i consider to lack intelligence. Should I end this now if I can't see a future, or is this not really a big issue in the scheme of things compared with other issues such as honesty, respect, caringness, and romaticness?? Thanks for any help you could give me!
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reader, Devil's Advocate +, writes (13 June 2005):
 Well missy, the last time I looked, there were no such words as caringness and romanticness, so maybe you should hop down off that pedestal of yours and realise that you might not be quite as smart as you think.
Video games might not be your thing and literary arts might not float his boat. If you get along in many other ways, it's not so bad to have your own interests as long as they don't take over what you share.
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (13 June 2005):
 Hey we are all different, if we we were all the same then life would be ultra boring! There must be a reason that you two are together still after two years.. you cant think is that less intelligent than you or you wouldnt be together! Who cares if you are slighter more intelligent... he is probly good at other things, we cant all be academic, we all have different things that make us individual... try looking at the bright aspects of it, why are you together, there must be a reason hun .. you must like each other and get on or you wouldnt be together, try not to be so down on him, we cant all be very clever, but we are all people in our own right. Im sure if you can overlook this seemingly minor problem you can be very happy, give him a chance to shine in other aspects of life.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (13 June 2005):
 It's not necessarily a problem if he *is* less intelligent that you - not every couple is perfectly matched - but it is a problem if you *believe* that he's not as bright as you are. And you seem to.
Nothing that you've described suggests that he's really stupid, or lacking in intellect, but your dismissive attitude (sorry hon) is showing your 'superiority complex'. I'm kind of surprised he hasn't called you on it and asked you to ease up...
People are good at different tasks and have their abilities in different areas. You need to examine why - if you regard him as your intellectual inferior - you're attracted to him, and what it is that he does well enough that you stay with him. Does he balance out some personal aspect that you're lacking? Is he gentle where you're rough? Is he artistic where you're clumsy? Maybe he's just dynamite in bed! You need to think hard about why you were drawn to him and whether that can carry you past this hump.
Some people are good at social skills, some are good with their hands, some have an instinctive empathy with others. All of these are excellent traits in a partner, and all of them are possible without a high IQ, you know.
You may be selling your boyfriend short. Reexamine your attraction to him and make a decision about whether you're valuing your own abilities more than his. It's not fair to stay with someone you disdain, so if you can't get past this, you'd be better off seeking another partner.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2005): I think you should stay with him. just because someone prefers interactive entertainment over a book, doesn't make them an idiot, not by a long shot. No one is truly perfect, and it seems like his good qualities far outshine his lack of intellegence. You should stay with him. Brains aren't everything. good luck
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reader, havoczero +, writes (12 June 2005):
well i think its important to be with someone who has a future, because i seen so many girls go through the same thing and its a sad thing to witness. but if you been with him for 2 years and still in love then you have to ask yourself something do you love him enough to accept his flaws,if so stay with him but if its important that he is your equal or in other words you can clearly see that things are only going to get worse then leave.but remember love is unconditional and that's the kind of love i see in you.
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reader, blue_angel +, writes (12 June 2005):
If it took you two years to realize that your boyfriend is lacking in intelligence then maybe it's not as bad as you think. When I was younger, I went out on a couple of dates with guys that were gorgeous but "dumb as dirt". It didn't take me two years to see it...only about two minutes. So, I would have to say that in my experience you need to be on the same "wave length", but not necessarily have the same IQ. What if you dump this guy and meet Mr. IQ and he's an arrogant jerk?? Your challenges should come from your studies and professional success and I think you should be with someone who is kind and faithful with good values..not just a brain. Stick with your guy. Oh, and I gotta tell you that I just read somewhere that video games improve intelligence. :-) So there is some hope!
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