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writes: I am having a sex with my friend's cousin. She does not know, but I have just found out I am pregnant by him. My friend knows that I'm pregnant but not by who. I don't know what to do. If I tell him he will want to keep the baby, which means my friend will find out. But if I have a termination she will be the one that would come with me, and he will end up finding out that I had a termination without him knowing that I was pregnant. What should I do? I don't see a light at the end of this tunnel.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2005): I recommend you tell your friend that you have become pregnant and let her know who the father of the child is. It may not be as bad as you think. Don't let any embarassment over the sexual relationship cause you to make a decision that you will regret for the rest of your life. Have the baby. You'll be glad you did.God bless you and keep you safe. I'll be praying for you.
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (12 June 2005):
 Listen carefully: What you need to do is what's best for you. NOT what's best for your friend. NOT what's best for your friend's cousin. Think about what you want. Then do that.
This pregnancy seems to have been unplanned and unwanted, so you need to decide if you're ready to have a child.
You sound young, and although they doesn't mean you wouldn't be a good mother, it does make things much harder for you. Babies are lots of work, and the responsibility is all day, every day, forever and ever and ever. Most mothers say it's a great investment, but you need to decide if you're ready for that right now.
Since you're already considering an abortion, let me suggest that you can bring someone else along with you for moral support. Your friend doesn't have to be the one you bring, so she doesn't have to know, if you don't want her to.
You and your friend aren't joined at the hip, are you? Then go and do what you feel you must and say nothing to her about it. SHE'S not pregnant to her cousin. SHE doesn't have a baby developing inside her. Therefore her opinion of your pregnancy and what you should do should matter about as much as my ex-husband's nephew, Dwayne's, opinion. She's not involved. Do what YOU have to do.
On the other hand, you may choose to have the baby yourself, or give it to some couple who are desperate to have a baby. Those are both OK options, too. But it would help you, I think, to talk to someone about this, and do it soon.
Two things you should do right now: First, Tell the father that you're pregnant. He has a right to know that he's caused a pregnancy and you should at least consider his opinion (though the final choice is yours). Second: Pick up the phone and talk to someone at the women's services department about your unplanned pregnancy. I have nothing but praise for the women on those phone lines. They're smart and they know how to help.
Remember, think about you and your pregnancy first. Everyone else is secondary.
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