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*arol46
writes: I'm having a affair with a married man for 2 months now. I'm in love with him, I'm also in a long term relationship but not married.I'm not sure if it will go anywhere. He's unhappy at home and tells me he's only staying there for his child. He said in a ideal world he would love to be with me.He did leave his wife for a while before he met me but then went back. He sees himself divorced in 5 to 10 years time. I'm all happy when I am with him but the next day I'm very down,until he rings or txts me. I seem to be on a rollercoaster of emotions and don't know what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2007): Best advice which is hard is for you to end it immediately and move on with your life. Because after a while you realize the person isn't going to leave...they are still in love with their spouse. Their excuse to themselves to be with you and to gain your trust is that they can see themselves leaving in 5 - 10 years....that is a bunch of crap.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2006): we iv been involved with a married man for three months now this is my second the last one before was for one and a half years when i got involved with this one i really had to think if i could go through it it again cos it was heart braking the first one the thing i learnt is when u get in volved with men that have partners u must go in on the terms of just a bit of fun dont allow ur self to have feelings for him thats the only way through it but u will realise this if get involve in this situation again. the first one was great we did lots of stuff going to bar's resturants and it was fun then i began to get alot of feelings for this guy this is when it became unbearable i was happy when i was with him missereble when i was away from him exspecially at night time cos thats when all the thoughts start going through ur mind like r they having intercourse and its horrible thats when u start to pressure them any way i got what i wanted in the end he left her and it was just me and him i thought this is what i wanted but it wasn't cos things had changed we stopped doing thing all the things we use to do stopped and then u see the person i had gone a whole year and it was exciting we did things went to loads of different places i thought it was allways gonna b like but then there was no hiding so it became boring our relationship lasted 6 months after his break up so my advice to u is think about what u r doing and what parts u like about the relationship is it all the things u do together or is it that u like him that much that ur happy to stop all the things u do now and just have him. U take care of ur self and listen what im saying cos one of the three is gona get hurt
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2006): i have also been in your situation for 2 months now. instead of a child he has financial commitments preventing a divorce now, which he says will be sorted out in a year. to begin with i was more than happy to wait that long, but it only gets harder. i now need constant reassurance and affection from him, or i feel paranoid that im imagining that he really cares for me
I cant tell you it will get easier. you have to ask yourself if youd still stay if you knew he's never leave his wife, and reask yourself every week.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2005): Dear Carol,
I know you love this guy but challenge yourself to lose him now! Sooner or later you will find a man whom you will be happier with in 5 to 10 years from now. You deserve someone yourself. You can do it and remember he will never leave his wife but will string you along indefinitely.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2005): I'll bet his wife doesn't know that he doesn't see himself being married to her in 5-10 years. Why don't you tell his wife that he does not see himself married and that he's only there for the kids. This should speed things along. If he gets upset that you told his wife, then he never would have left her. If he comes to you and says "Thank you. I just didn't know how to tell her," then you've saved 5-10 years and you know he truly only wants to be with you.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (6 July 2005):
Do you really want to remain the 'other woman' for the next 5-10 years??? Sounds like this chap is having his cake and eating it. He wont leave his wife. End it now before you get too attatched.
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (22 June 2005):
 you have only been seeing him for 2 months, and thats generally the time when all relationships are flowers and all things rosy in the garden... Lets see, do you really think it will stay like this for 5 to 10 years!? hardly.. he gave you that timescale as he simply isnt going to leave his wife. he wants a bit on the side and at the same time doesnt want pressure from this bit on the side to leave his wife all the time... move on and find someone that has no commitments, if you continue with this married man it will all end in tears... find someone that is worhty of your love and trust, not someone that just sees you as a bit of fun when hes bored playing husband.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (22 June 2005):
 You need to listen to the messages you're getting from your unconscious about this guy. The reason you feel so down after you've seen him is that you know, on some level, that he's leading you up the garden path.
"Five to ten years" away from a divorce is a handy enough time-frame that it's effectively "never". He knows this and hopes that you don't.
Honey, married guys who are already getting the attention of a woman on the side almost NEVER leave their wives, kids, mortgages, car payments, soccer Saturdays and settled routines. Why would he give up a life where he has everything he wants from two women, in order to settle for just one woman (regardless of how much you might shower affection on him)?
I suspect that he'll tell you whatever he thinks will help his case. Yeah sure: he's unhappy at home. He expects to leave his wife "someday". You're the only one that understands him. You're special in ways his wife isn't. You're better in bed than she is...
Any of that sound familiar? Cheating guys aren't very imaginative and they tend to use a lot of the same old lines to reel in their girlfriends. Don't believe him.
The time is now to cut your losses. Walk away. You've only invested two months in him. Be glad it wasn't two wasted years! He's lying to his wife, he's lying to you. The gods only know what other lies are in your future if you stick around.
Wave goodbye to this guy and do it soon!
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (20 June 2005):
It's obvious you are seeking your IDENTITY in this man.You are unhappy until he phones or texts you messages.I would suggest you rent the movie "Waiting to Exhale."It will give you the answers you seek.If you REFUSE to compromise your values...some day you will find an AWESOME man who will adore & cherish ONLY you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2005): Think about what you are doing here to yourself. Is it all worth it? The answer is no! Married men are nothing to be messing around with. They all say they are going to leave their wives for you, but most do not. And he's telling you 5-10 years, come on now. Honey, get on with your life and leave this man alone. If he's cheating on his wife, he's cheating on you with his wife and who knows how many other women out there. Life is way too short to be wasting your time on this man. And then you already have a man. Think about the heart ache you are setting up there. If you cheated on him, there's another issue of why the two of you are together. Do you want this man in your life? If not, break it off so he can move on. If so, you best sit down and talk to him and be honest and pray he will forgive you. You can't blame him if he doesn't. And hope for the best to come out of this if you want to be with him. If there's problems in this relationship that lead you to looking somewhere else nows the best time to get them out in the open. I wish you the best on what you do. But trust me when I tell you to drop the married man. You are only wasting your time.
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