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*ereika
writes: I wrote to you earlier on, about a week ago about my ex-boyfriend who I thought got me pregnant and left me. I did an ultrasound yesterday, and it proves the result that I am indeed pregnant from a friend that I got drunk with one night after I had a fight with my ex. My ex believes that I am pregnant for him, but he denies it because he heard of me getting with this friend. I always denied the accusations, and now here is living proof that I DID cheat.I was so focused on him cheating with men as well as women, I forgot that I got drunk and cheated also. I now have the urge to tell him and get him out of my life and off my mind for good, or should I have him continue to think that he is indeed the baby's father just to punish him for all the pain he put me through. The good news is, my friend wants to be the baby father, he wants to be in my life, and he is not gay. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2005): Hello again,
I am the writer of the first response here, and by chance, I read your response.
Although abortion is terribly sad, you have undoubtedly made the right choice. I am so glad that you thought about the situation and I hope that you will grow and mature and learn from this experience.
I also hope that you are recovering well.
Good luck for your future.
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2005): I thank you all who replied to my message and I did a lot of thinking. Most... well all of you were right in every way you put your words, and so I did an abortion. I am not ready to be a parent, I myself have some growing up to do. I haven't told my ex that he is not the father, and I haven't told the father that he is. For the past week I just stayed home excepting whenever I have a doctor appointment. My family thinks my ex is the father and they all hate him. The good thing is, it seems to all of us that he has moved on with his life, and so has my friend since I refuse to speak with anyone. I am now a lot better and I thank you all who replied for helping me make my suggestions. You really helped.
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (13 June 2005):
 For the sake of the child you need to be honest from the start. If you start to lie you will only make this a whole lot worse. By decieving some in this way, it will only back fire. the truth always finds a way of coming out. Do what is best for the baby, you say the real father wants to be a part, then let him, tell your bf that you did infact cheat, whilst you didnt intend to it happend... i dont see what you have to gain by telling him that he is the father, just to save face.. if it all came out you are the one with more to lose... be honest from the start and concentrate on the baby, this is the one that counts here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2005): Tell him the truth. It isn't fair for you to allow him to take care of a child which is not biologically his. When you tell him and if he still wants to play daddy to your baby, allow him, but do not allow him to pay you any money for this baby.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (12 June 2005):
 I couldn't agree more with the person responding below. I only add my two cents so that his/hers isn't a lone voice.
You can't possibly be seriously considering "punishing" your ex by using the existance of an innocent child - a child who has only you for protection from the entire world! That's unconscionable.
For your baby's sake, I hope that you do some serious growing up in the next several months; otherwise I shudder to think about the life that your baby is going to endure.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2005): If you let him think he is your baby's father to punish him, then perhaps you should consider your current suitability for motherhood very carefully.If you are living this lifestyle in the first place then I would take an educated guess that you are not ready to be a parent.Think who else you would punish, too, and what a punishment it would be.Your child, for starters. Then you would be lying to his parents and relatives, not to mention your own. But especially your baby.You are not putting your child's interests first.Pregnancy is often wrongly seen as a bargaining chip for an errant lover, emotional leverage or blackmail if you prefer, or an interesting development, soap plot style, for an otherwise dull life.I am sorry to have to write in such terms, but my dear,pregnancy is all very well, however,let me tell you it culminates in a LIFETIME COMMITMENT.24HOURS WHETHER YOU ARE TIRED OR NOT, BUT MOST OFTEN YOU WILL BE!It is more work than you ever thought possible and will exert more strain on you than you have ever known or will again.Ask yourself this:If you cannot sort out your own life, how on earth are you giong to have this little person, suddenly, whose whole life depends ENTIRELY on you?I urge caution.
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