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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend, whom I have been dating for about 8 months, still talks to his ex-girlfriend almost every day. It bothers me because I feel that he is not over her; even though he tells me they are "just friends". She always calls him when she is drunk and vice versa. The worst part about this "relationship" he has with her is that he tries to hide it from me. If she calls when I am around, I ask, "who was that?" He replies, "I don't know,.. nobody". I know the ringtone that plays when this ex calls. I'm not stupid!!! So-- he lies about this relationship... I told him to stop talking to her and he said he will tell her to stop calling him. But-- he was so sad when he had to do it. He said he didn't want to but had to. Is it wrong of me to limit his "friendship" with this ex? What should I do? I tried telling him not to lie to me about it, not to hide it, and not to be shady about it... but yet-- 4 months have past and he is still SHADY!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2005): It is not wrong for him to be friends with his ex but it is wrong of hime to hide it from you he should invite the two of you to hang out together and then you will know where they stand. If it is truely innocent then there should not be a problem and he should not hide the fact he still talks to her from you. As a guy who has stayed friends with all but one ex and never cheated on anyone nor tryed to rekindel anything with a ex while i was dating someone i feel it is healthy to stay friends with ex's and if you realy care about them they do become your best friend. There is no reason to through away a friend jus tbecause you start getting involved with someone else but you should never keep secrets from someone else it is better to hurt them or let them be jelous of the trueth then give them a reason to doubt and miss trust you. if he where to level with you and give you the chance to meet ehre and make your decision yourself then i would say yes it is wrong of you. But if he is trying to hide it from you i would say you have every right to be worried
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female
reader, Emmie Lou +, writes (12 July 2005):
You are totally right to ask him to stop and change his number. He has to realise that you have feelings and that you should be number one in his books and not his ex-girlfriend. If he is still being shady with you, it sounds as though he is destroying the trust in your relationship. Trust is important in a relationship - Talk to him, explain that to him. Tell him how much he is hurting you and give him the ultimatum. Hard I know, but its what has to be done. Good luck x
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reader, becky05 +, writes (28 June 2005):
if this was my boyfriend I'd give him one more chance and tell him to change his number, if the calls continued to his new number, I'd tell him to get lost as this is complete disrespect for you and your relationship.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (25 June 2005):
 No, you're right. His saying he'd stop and then continuing, while trying to hide the fact is WRONG.
He's showing you, at very best, complete discourtesy (this is assuming that they are nothing more than "friends"). At worst, he's sneaking around with another woman and attempting to make you feel guilty for worrying about it.
Give him another chance. Make sure he knows that this is the final one and that if he screws up, he's going to have another "ex girlfriend" soon. This compulsion he has to call her is one he CAN control. If he chooses not to, he's effectively choosing her over you.
Please don't let him walk all over you. He doesn't appear to be worth it.
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reader, Comfort +, writes (24 June 2005):
Dont give him the chance to hurt you any more than he already has. If you do it will never stop. If this other woman has no self respect be the one to have it and ask him to choose.
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reader, pops +, writes (24 June 2005):
What's wrong is his lying about the calls. Talk to him about this- he's obviously not fooling you, and is actually hurting you more than if he just told you the truth. As for the relationship, he is with you. If he wanted to be with his drunken ex-GF, he would be with her. Stop the Whining, and get a life. If you value your relationship with him, talk to him about her problems and help him help her, by talking about his advice and answers.
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reader, Samy +, writes (23 June 2005):
the reason your partner doesnt tell you when his ex calls is because he knows it hurts you and he doesnt want to start a fight. the situation you are in is very common but you have to accept that he has told you she is only a friend or you will lose him. By questioning your partner you are saying that you do not trust and this results in you pushing them back together. why not sit down and tell him that you understand that this friendship means something to him but it makes you uneasy? Tell him you trust him and that you would lke to get to know his friend. he will feel repected and by agreeing to get to know his friend you are accepting his friendship with her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2005): Tell 'Mr Shady' to get stuffed. He isnt to be trusted. Find yourself a guy not still hung up on his ex and let 'Mr Shady' get on with it.
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