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anonymous
writes: I have been in a serious relationship for about 8 months now and I still have a problem with my girlfriends past. Although she was never sexually intimate with anyone besides me to my knowledge, she kissed many boys and more disturbingly is still in contact with some of them. I am confident that my girlfriend would not cheat on me however I can't stand the fact that she can and wants to hang out with someone who has kissed or touched her. I actually even know 3 kids who have kissed her personally. This jealousy or whatever it is is begining to take a toll on our relationship, and she has done nothing wrong. I don't want to lose her but I often take out my frustrations on her. What can I do to deal with this problem and not lose a girl I love very much?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2005): There is absolutly no need to keep in touch with exes. think about it,if you didnt get along as partners,why would you get along now? You are both still the same people. from my experience and what i saw with friends of mine,there is only one reason why anyone keeps an ex around,and its called "friends with benefits" plain and simple.
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (13 June 2005):
 Hey, we all have exes! thats part of life... the thing you need to remeber is that they are just that exes! She is with you now... as we go through life, we all end up with a past and we cant change that, we all experience various things with different people until the right person comes along. If you continue to be agro about her hanging out with people that are EXES! then you may end up losing her as she will feel you dont trust her... be cool about this, we all need friends, and thats probabaly all these guys are to her... your the one she is with remember that, and dont judge people if they if done nothing wrong or you will be the one ends up hurt by showing that you dont trust,. have some faith in her, shes your girlfriend, be cool about it an try to be freinds with these guys too.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (13 June 2005):
 Hmmm. If you're so confident that she won't cheat on you, what are you worring about?
So, in fact, you ARE worried, right? Let's be honest right now, or you'll never get your question answered. You're worried that by being friends with old boyfriends, she'll rediscover her old spark and leave you. So get to the bottom of why that unlikely scenario bothers you so much and stop trying to put blame on her.
Whatever the "frustrations" you're taking out on her must stop RIGHT NOW, because it's your insecurities that you're projecting onto her, not her misbehaving.
You're trying to suggest that there must be something suspicious about your girlfriend because she can remain friends with guys that she's kissed in the past. But what's the alternatve? Would you rather see her paranoid and hateful, spitting obscenities at her exes and crossing the street to avoid having to interact with these same guys? Would that be preferable to her being cheerful, agreeable company and letting her past stay in the past?
Be grateful that she can remain friends with guys she's no longer dating, because statistically, friend, you're likely to end up in that group.
What's so "disturbing" to you about the fact that she can still be friends with and have fun with guys she once kissed? I'd argue that's a highly desirable trait, one which demonstrates that she's even-handed and thoughtful and forgiving with guys she once dated.
You're trying to blame this girl for staying civil with her exes, as if there's something wrong with HER. There isn't; she actually sounds pretty well-adjusted and comfortable with her past.
However, YOU aren't comfortable with her past. Since she already had that past when you met her, it's up to you to come to terms with it. If you don't, she'll get jack of you right quick, and she'll dump you. Guaranteed. So, grow up and learn to deal.
Now it's time for you to make peace with her past, or walk away and find yourself a girl with no self-esteem and zero kissing history.
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reader, Mickey_Powell +, writes (12 June 2005):
 I think you should get to know her exes before you point fingers at your girlfriend!!Keep a close eye on her, but don't get in her way, she might think you are a control freak. If you love her let her know how you feel about your problem you are having!! If she feels the same way, she will understand, if not chuck her there's obviously something going on, unless they are really really good friends!!
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