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anonymous
writes: Please help me. My mum and my boyfriend's mum had a huge fight and we have split up because of it and other things. There are more reasons why me and him split, he would not let me do anything I wanted. I have my prom coming up and he won't let me go because he thinks I will cheat on him which is not true. I will never do anything to hurt him in the relationship. I have been seeing him for a year and a half. We have had a rocky relationship. He is 18 and I am 16. I really love this boy but my parents forbid me to see him ever again for what his mum did to my mum. I want to stand up for my mum but I love this boy a lot and have given him everything. He does not trust me and I don't either but I want to work on it. My friends say he is not a good boyfriend to me, and I have deserted my friends and family for him. I need help to decide if I should give him a second chance or not go back with him. please write back ASAPAnonymous Sarah xx
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (14 June 2005):
 Sarah, listen to your friends. This guy is NOT good to you.
You could work on this relationship all the live-long day and in the end, you'd still be a very young woman saddled with a boyfriend who's a selfish control-freak.
How can your boyfriend "let" you go to (or conversely, prevent you from attending) your own prom? He doesn't own you. He doesn't control you. He doesn't have the last word, you know! Go to the prom if you want, and let him deal with it. Or tell him he's welcome to be your date. Whatever you do, don't you DARE let him call all the shots, or you'll be forever the "silent partner" in this relationship.
You two have been dating for a year and a half and he still doesn't trust you not to cheat with some other guy? Why on earth not? Have you cheated in the past? And if you haven't, what's his problem? Why is he accusing you?
Frankly Sarah, I'm scared about your admission that you've given up your friends and family for this guy. Why would you do that? Don't you think that's a gigantic red flag that you'd have to choose between a man who's supposed to love you and people who really *do* love you? Why can't you have both?
Desert enough friends and eventually - you know what? You've got nothing left in your life but Mr "I-Don't-Trust-You". He'll have isolated you from all the people that love you... and for what? So he can keep you under his big, bully thumb and give you a long list of other things you're not *allowed* to do? Lots and lots of girls have done what you're starting to do - thinking that rejecting family somehow demonstrates a greater love for their boyfriend - and ended up somewhere alone and without any support. Think about that...
Forget him! Your love is wasted on this big lummox. He appears to regard you as a possession, something to have and control. Yuck! That's not a good basis for a relationship and you'll see that in a few years, when you've been around for a while and gotten a bit more experience with men.
You want to know if you should give him another chance? No prizes for guessing my answer... This guy is an idiot. Dump him and free yourself up for a guy that really loves you and wants you to be happy!
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