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*orriedhusband
writes: My wife has been very active in MSN Messenger and lots of horny male always chat her up and even exchange naked pictures .... not long ago I discovered she shows those horny guys how she masturbates thru webcam. what can I do to stop her from doing ???
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2005): I read once that cheating is where someone loses the Idea that is possible to be with only one person. if agree or not, is up to you. what you need to do is define cheating. You also need to have her define cheating. Talk to her, and let her know this is wrong. Also remind her that you are married and that you both have made a COVENANT to be with ONLY each other until DEATH. Ask her why she needs to share with others when she has you.and lastly. If there is no compromise, take away her ability to use the computer. Password protect it, or take it away. I know this will stir conflict, but it sounds like it's worth it, if it stops her from flirting with the other guys.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2005): Are you asking her to show you how she masturbates? Have you discussed with her what she wants from you, as a lover, and what she wants to try, but has never done with you, or anyone else? Spouses who do these kinds of things are desparately seeking attention. That suggests that you two are having lots of problems. Talk to her about what you have found out, and then if you can't work things out between the two of you, seek professional help. You should expect to have to change how you act, and talk, and treat her, if the relationship is to get back on track. But you can both learn from each other, and have a great time learning how to pleasure each other. How about sitting with her as she is chatting with these guys, and suggesting things to tell them? If she is a voyeur, she may be interested in having you take part in her instructional videos.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (17 June 2005):
 The first thought that comes to mind is to speak to her about it and ask why she's doing something that will obviously have repercussions in your relationship. Have you told her that you're aware of her extracurricular activities? What did she say about it? Was she apologetic? Embarrassed? Dismissive? Devil-may-care?
I'm presuming that you're upset about this. Are you and your wife having other problems, or was this something that stands out from an otherwise picture-perfect marriage? I ask because you might decide that this is the "last straw" and just decide to walk away from your wife, who is clearly acting in a terribly disrespectful way to you. Or, alternatively, this discovery might have completely blindsided you and you really don't know what step to take next.
My suggestion would be to point out the evidence to her and attempt to discuss it with her. Ask her - as calmly as you can, under the circumstances - what's going on. Maybe it's a sexual quirk that she's always wanted to play out (that could be something you two might be able to work through), maybe she has the beginnings of a mental illness, or maybe she has completely given up on your marriage. You won't know until you talk with her about it.
The direct answer to your question is, there isn't any way for you to "stop" her doing it. If you destroy the webcam, she'll probably get another. If you remove the computer, she'll likely find another way to get the sexual attention of other men that doesn't require being online. The solution to this will lie in finding out *why* she's doing it, and in discussing whether she's willing to work on finding a way to solve the problem that's made her behave this way in the first place.
Good luck.
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