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anonymous
writes: "My fiance's body doesn't sexually interest me, but i truly love her."Ok, I've got a very interesting question for everyone.I'm 26 years old, and I'm engaged to a woman that I've been with for near 10 years. We're not legally married yet. She's a fit and thin person. She has a skinny model's body, and has always been thin. She weighs about 108 pounds. I weigh about 140-150 pounds. I have a secret fetish for big, beautiful women. I love and obsess over very large breasts, butts, hips, ect.. We've been having sex for about 9 years, during the past 2 or 3 years, I notice as I'm getting older, my fetish is starting to drive me mad, and due to her super thin body, I'm starting to become less and very less sexually attracted to her. Our sex life is "OK". She's dull in bed, but she gets the job done. Every time I see her thin body naked during sex, or undressing I secretly cringe. I've had this intense fetish since I was a teenager, and it's never been a problem in our sex life until recent years. It getting to the point where I can't stand her body, and secretly wish for the kind of voluptous figure I really crave. OK, she cannot gain weight. She knows she's a little underweight, and needs to gain more, but she's one of those skinny women that just has this insane metabolism, and can eat junk food all day and not gain a pound. You all know the type. She knows I want her to gain more weight, but she gets upset when I try to overfeed her. Plus it's just in her genes, her mother and father are both thin, so I don't see hope in her "filling out". She won't get on those GNC weight gainer products either. I've tried everything to secretly get to gain weight. During sex I now have a very hard time maintaining an erection or getting hard at all. The only thing that saves me, is thinking about "big girl" porn as I have sex with her. It's becoming a deep, psychological problem for me. This has been happening for at least 2 years now, And I'm so confused.Here's the x-factor in all this, I really love her. We have a great relationship, and she's a very cool person. But my fetish is just slowly taking over my sexual endeavors as I advance more in my 20's. When I commited to our relationship at age 18, I was perfectly fine with it, but now it's a serious problem.It's so weird, she's very beautiful and has this perfectly skinny, runway model's body that almost all women would kill for, yet I secrectly crave the fat, dumpy, busty housewive type. It's just the body image that I crave. Maybe it's the fact that there's so much porn of that type on the internet, that I've absorbed too much of my fantasy sex scenarios with large girls, that it's all I can sexually think about.I'm a somewhat skinny guy myself, by the way.I know, I know, it's a super bizarre problem. In short my BBW fetish is destroying my sex life with a skinny woman that I love. Should I follow through on marrying her knowing This will haunt me forever? Is there such thing as conquering an intense sexual fetish that's affecting your libido, and performace in bed? I need some serious advice on this. Thank you very much to anyone that reads this.
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reader, tender_angel86 +, writes (23 June 2005):
quick thought, you could have a threesome with other women, that is if she is bi/bi-curious. Bit off really, but maybe you could both be satisfied more then you know wth another girl in the bedroom, or not, just a thought.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2005): Hurray!! For all you big, busty, plus-sized women out there read this guy's problem again! See, there is someone for everyone. So put on your best dress and strut! Because this is one man that sees beauty in you. By the way, mr. BBW fantasy guy, I think you should be true to yourself and end your relationship with the skinny girl. You'll only end up hurting her in the end. Better to end it now before you get married. Give her a chance to be happy with a man who loves skinny bodies. And turn your frown upside down and go get yourself a big beautiful woman! (I wish I could give you my phone number here.) Take care.
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (14 June 2005):
 RIght from where im standing you seem to have 3 options..1, Carry on as you are let things deterioate, and you both end up hating each other and wasting both of your times... 2, Bite the bullet and leave her, as if you cant be 100% honest to her, how things are then its not fair to carry on the pretense, if you had someone batting for your team that actually supported the opposition would you trust them to give it 100% ? no, and thats whats happening here your not giving 100% and thats not fair on either of you. 3, and this will probably be the best of all to do, for the both of you for the best outcome, even if it is the hardest. You are going to have to have a serious heart to heart with her. Explain the problems you have been facing, your fetish and how it has been growing, ensure her that you still love her as a person, but its a problem that you are both going to have to try and work through, however, and this is a big bit, do not suggest in any way shape or form that she should try and change herself, as her body image is exactly that "HER BODY" ask her to help you work through your fetish and try and think what it is that has brought it on (will get back to that in a second) if she feels like its gonna be hard work or is unduly upset by it, give her time and space, but a, respect her final decision, and b, try and figure out, why your feelings have become more intense over the years. It could be any one or a combination of many things, the fact that you crave attention from BBW's suggests a need to be "mothered" which may indicate that your feeling alot of pressure in maybe your personal/business life, it may also signal that maybe you didnt have as close a link with your mother at an early age, as you would have needed (this is often the case with someone who has younger siblings than themselves) It may also be the case that you forged a strong pre-pubesent link, with either a larger framed woman, either within in the family or closely linked that you developed a closeness to, more in and emotional term than a sexual one. Either way you have got to be honest with yourself, which will mean being honest with your girlfriend also. You have been together a long time and you say that she is otherwise perfect. Be truthful to you both and im sure you can work this out together. In truth do you think that you could sit there trying to spend every evening, next to someone who eats a family sized bucket of chicken, and isnt so intune with you as your girlfriend is, as you havent spent as much time growing together, or simply staying with your girlfriend and trying to work through it together, which lets face it will make you more stronger and commited to each other in the end.I hope this is of some help to you.Take care. x
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (13 June 2005):
 Even though you love her, it isn't fair to your girlfriend to marry her, is it? Think of how you'd feel if she married you only because you'd been together for so long, even though she secretly found herself more and more unattracted by your skinny physique.
It's plain that your attraction to big chunky women isn't going to go away any time soon; in fact, it's dominating your desires over time, and you need to either accept that, or explore ways to fulfil the fantasy without actually doing anything to hurt your relationship.
You're living a lie by continuing to stay with your girlfriend, and what's more, instead of accepting her the way she is, you're trying to rebuild her into your fantasy. That isn't fair and it isn't your place to change her body to suit you! It shows a terrible disrespect for her, for you to try to "sneak" food into her diet. Her body shape and her metabolism is what it is. Accept it or leave.
Her resentment is of your attempts to change her into something she's not is going to result in either a complete loss of self-esteem, depression or anger. Whatever happens, it's not going to be what you want and it's ultimately going to be bad news for you both.
I think the only thing you can do is come clean. Tell her the unvarnished truth: that you love her and care for her, that you hate to hurt her, but your brain wants a bigger, meatier woman. Yes, she'll be hurt and crushed - that can't be avoided at some level, and she'll get over the pain eventually - but you're being truthful, and maybe she will be open to discussion of some safe way that you can live out your fantasy. (I don't personally know what that might be, but at least you open the door to discussing it.)
Whatever happens after you tell her the truth can only be better than you finding her physically repellant and her feeling unattractive to you.
Good luck.
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reader, Mickey_Powell +, writes (12 June 2005):
 If you love her and don't want to see her hurt, you should put up with her body even if it is off putting!! If not, then go out there and find a big busty beauty!! Do whatever you think will make everybody happy not just yourself, you might be hurting more people than you want to!!
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reader, Christie +, writes (12 June 2005):
This is a bizzare problem, well you have to try and think, do you want your relationship or your fetish to be fulfilled because it seems you must choose one or the other.
Trying to secretely get her to gain wieght is not the right way to go. It is decieving and she will not apreciate it. Also she could go into a depression over low self asteem thinking that she does not look good enough for you. You don't seem to want to hurt her but doing that will, it could cause her to hate herself thinking she is not good enough.
You wil have to make the chioce between staying with your girlfriend and working on your issues. You could introduce new and exciting things into the bedroom to help fulfill you more, help fulfil the both of you. As the ionly issues you have with her are sexual, trying new things could spice it up again. If you wish to stay with her but feel you still have issues seeking counceling or further guidence could be considered to help you two to find you passion again. Good luck.
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reader, kiwi +, writes (12 June 2005):
well I have to say this one thing...... big is in sweety. And if that's what you want then go for it. If that makes you happy. We all have our 'fetishes' and that's OK becuz men want their girl with a little meat on her bones. Take it from a women that knows. I mean im not 'fat' or nothing but I got hips, butt, thighs, and breast and stuff. Trust me, no one would kill to have a model body that's just too skinny. Bbut there's nothing wrong with being skinny only if they have a shape to it you know. If you feel as if this will haunt you then you shouldn't go through with the marriage. That's just my opinion. well good luck!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2005): Wow. I don't think I've ever met anyone who likes fat girls before. Stop trying to make her gain weight. This will make your girlfriend think you don't like her the way she is. Love her because of what she looks like and who she is, or get out of the relationship.
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