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He takes ages to reply to my messages!

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 November 2013) 10 Answers - (Newest, 5 November 2013)
A age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm currently dating this guy and have been for a few months...we see each other only about twice a week as we both work full time.

During the time we don't see each other we message. But my problem is that 80% of the time he won't respond to me for ages...takes over 24 hours for him to reply to a simple quick message (which is usually my reply to something he wrote earlier), sometimes longer...like 3 days.

And he always has his phone when we're out so I know he sees it.

is this indicative of anything? Just feels like he doesn't care. Don't comment with the 'just call him' saga. I just want a third part opinion of whether if a guy really likes a girl would he do this?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2013):

Some people just get preoccupied with other things and it is ashamed that he gets so wrapped up that he can't be nice enough to respond to you. I have a few friends that are far away and I use it to say, "Hey, How are you?" A guy that I like right now has been relying on the text quite a bit and when we had a little misunderstanding, I had quite a bit to say and I didn't feel like writing a whole lot of words on a text. So I called him on the phone and I had to leave a message on his voice mail. It's very frustrating. I have a time limit on texting. First, I always give them the benefit of the doubt because if something happened to them I would feel horrible, but you have no way of knowing unless you hear from them. So I give them 3 chances. If I don't hear from them I move on.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2013):

Many of answers here don't take into consideration the age of a poster. At this age this is how people communicate: texting.

I can tell you from my experience: if he texts other people while heis with you then he deffinitely ignores you.mNd it's not just between couples. I have a friend who constantly texts someone when she is with me, but when I text her she responds to me may be 1 out of 10 times. I stopped texting her a long time ago we get together rarely and if there is only a third party with us. I know where I stand with her, and she is basically just someone who I goout with.

When a guy is interested he would use any chance to get back to you immediately. I actually broke with someone because he wouldn't answer my texts for days.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2013):

"I just want a third part opinion of whether if a guy really likes a girl would he do this?"

No, he would not. Regardless of whether or not he's not a big fan of text messaging, he would respond to you if he was truly interested. People make time for people they care about, no matter how busy they are. HE could always call YOU if he doesn't like having full conversations through texts.

What I've done in the past with guys is the old "3 strikes you're out". No matter what form of communication I used, whether it be calling or text messaging, if after the 3rd time I tried, they didn't get back to me I moved on. If they contacted me back after a day or more, I still counted it as a no response. There were a couple of cases where something was actually going on right then that they couldn't get back to me, but most of the time they just weren't bothered because they weren't all that interested.

I'm not trying to discourage you, just trying to keep you from wasting your time.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (4 November 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony aunttexting is no way to have a conversation. we use it for things like "running late be there in 15" or such.

My husband HATES texting... if this guy you are with hates texting with everyone then your answer is that he hates to text and that's not the way you two should have a relationship.

the only thing you can do is ask him.. he may not like texting...some folks don't.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2013):

If he were truly into you he'd be doing everything in his power to keep your attention on him. He just isn't interested enough in how you are doing/what you are doing. I think that's sad- I'd definitely say something about it- if that doesn't work then I would move on.

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A female reader, llifton United States +, writes (4 November 2013):

llifton agony auntIn this day and age, it's annoying. I know what you mean. That stuff brothers me, too.

When you are with him, do you notice if he gets on his phone much or texts people back? If he does message other people but takes days to respond to you, than that could be an indicator he's not as into you as you hope, as he's not bothering to take the time for you that he takes for others.

However, if he has his phone on him but doesn't use it much, I would presume it's safe to say he's just not much of a texter. You could simply make a joke one day about it and see what he says. or you could casually bring it up calmly. Some people need more interaction when they don't see each other. For me, in something I see going somewhere, I expect that, just like you.

If you're not getting your needs met, speak up. Don't be afraid. you're not being needy. You simply just have wants like everyone else.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2013):

" Don't comment with the 'just call him' saga."

Wow! You wonder why he doesn't rush to respond to your messages?

Some people don't like texting, because their phones may have tiny keypads that make typing a nuisance. Some people just don't like texting. They minimize getting them by not encouraging people to send them. You do that by not returning them until you want to. If it's not an emergency or it's just something benign; you have a right to get back to them when you're good and ready.

He's a face to face type of guy. Evidenced by the fact that when he's with you, he has his phone; but he doesn't bother using it. Just get used to the fact that he's going to return messages when he feels like it. You can complain to him, if you think that will make any difference.

I think it's foolish to judge how a person feels about you by how eager they are to return text messages. That would be very immature. You judge by how they treat you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2013):

Personally I think you're wasting your time with this guy. Even if he's at work I'm pretty sure he has a lunch break he could send a text during. Or when he gets home from work he could send a text. I never buy the "I was really" excuse. If you're interested in someone you'll find sometime to talk to them. Personally I'd leave it and just play it cool with him. If he texts you leave it a while to reply. If he doesn't text or call then he's not as interested

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A female reader, Keeley345 United Kingdom +, writes (4 November 2013):

I know alot of people who do this. I do it too. Texting means nothing. Face to face conversation is best. Remember back in the day with no mobile phones? How did we cope then? We wrote letters, rang landlines and left messages there. Bottom line is...don't fall out over lack of texts. Say whatever you want to when you see each other. Save the conversation for then. Quick briefs txts like, ''are you free to go to the gym?'' are ok but deep long conversations need to be done face to face. A relationship cannot be conducted via text.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (4 November 2013):

Honeypie agony auntHave you asked him?

Many people do not USE texts as a way of communicating, they use it for short messages. Like, I'm late will be there in 30 min.// Remember 2% milk. Not for actual chatting.

If YOU need him to text you more or aren't sure why he takes so long, then you really need to ask HIM.

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