A
female
age
41-50,
*oraatuha
writes:We dated for two years and he was a lovely personwe separated because of me...i was not reliable.However his back, wants back...I dont really mind him being around because he is good to me.And doing financially badly, i wouldnt mind him being around.so my questions is not if i should get back with him....my question is how do i get him to financially support me, without being obvious that his back because of his money.Those that are going to judge my inhumane , dont bother giving me a lecture
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male
reader, Mick Mc  +, writes (29 June 2014):
You separated one because you was not reliable. Now he`s back, you want him to financially support you, but you don`t want to make your motive obvious.
I assume you dont want him to know your motive because he`s not the fool you would like him to be, and will leave. I will go with bronzed adonis on this and say it will only be a matter of time before he realizes it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2014): Not everyone is that cold and business-like about relationships, female anon, some of us have great ones filled with passion and a completely mutual symbiosis of love and respect. You treat it like a business transaction akin to prostitution. Scheming, plotting and calculating every little detail.
You're right people can only use you if you let them, but most people aren't able to tell whether they are being used because people who use others lie and cheat to do it just like the OP.
Most people want a partner they can trust, someone they can have faith in and will care about them. When you treat people like a commodity that can provide you something, you deny them the very thing they want the most and when you decide to lie to them to get what you want, then you're a dick that doesn't care who gets hurt to get what you want. In other words female anon, it's open season always on people like you. Always a game and one you will lose in big time (probably already have) because there are better players out there.
If you want to use people at least have the decency of honesty, the OP here isn't that decent and will be found out eventually or she'll look back when she's retired and wonder why she never had enough faith in people to actually give herself fully to anyone. Someday she'll see that there are more to people than what they can offer in terms of money.
You see people who think it's okay to use others and use bullshit like your "logic" to justify it are the ones who will never truly understand or experience the true depth of love, of truly giving your all to a person and getting their all in return, what it's like to risk your heart and get rewarded with the heart of another. Mainly because of fear.
They live a fake shallow existence based on lies.
That's not to say there's anything wrong with two adults consenting to a symbiotic relationship based on financial or sexual reasons, if two people are that desperate or emotionally cold then it's their life but using someone without their knowledge, well that's a life of no trust, no depth just business.
I can't imagine a life like that at all because it's too amazing having a wife that is literally my other half in life, in all things she has my back. I have more money than either of us can spend in our lifetimes, she earns more than most of the people I know combined too and best of all is that neither of us give a damn about money and didn't even when we had none.
I know what it's like to use people, I've done it too many times, and I agree it's as much their fault as mine. But like any user I did so out of fear, I did so to keep some kind of control and power over the relationship because I was afraid of taking that emotional risk of giving myself completely to another. I don't regret using any of those women for sex, it is up to everyone to protect themselves but I'm not stupid enough or that deluded to think that everyone is capable of self-protection some people still have faith in other humans to be good and I accept the idea that I crushed that in some people but I don't have to like it or claim it's acceptable.
Neither me nor my wife are using each other for anything. We have all that we need to lead successful, independent lives away from each other, for us it's a choice to be with another person, simply because of who they are as a person and the life they have to share.
It's truly a beautiful thing to be chosen by the person you have too for nothing more than being a great person they love deeply. It's so liberating to be with a person whose only motive is to have you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2014): I pity you really. With your attitude, I think you will find it difficult to ever feel the joy of real love. I am not saying it to hit out at you, I am telling you the truth. Try and change your ways.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2014): Alot of people use its inevitable in this society. Its really a issue of who will you allow to use you and for what. When Im involved men and women have tried to use me for sex and money not many were successful but a few I allowed. Some people I been with has allow me to use them for the same things. You can only do or get away with what people allow or let you do anyway. Its like supply and demand also cause for exchange of a service you provide or him providing funds and service it could be considered a fair exchange. Not all is it considered using and abusing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2014): Male anon makes a great point.
No one here would think anything bad of you if you were honest about your reasons up front.
There is every possibility he wouldn't mind. A lot of men take being a provider very seriously and would be okay being that kind of guy for you, it's possible he is that type of guy.
There would be nothing wrong with two adults agreeing to such a situation they do it all the time and it can actually work out great.
Try that instead, because you should never use someone for anything unless they agree to being used.
There's no need to be sneaky or deceitful, in this case the truth may get you exactly what you want from this guy in much happier circumstances.
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A
female
reader, Miss Led +, writes (27 June 2014):
So why dont you want him to know what your game is?
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (27 June 2014):
Sooner or later it WILL become obvious to him that all you are interested in is his money. He would have to be absolutely stupid, or in denial not to eventually notice/know it.
Best thing is to tell him exactly how it is from the start.
It is pointless telling you to take a good look at yourself, because your question shows that you already have.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2014): I can see you getting a lot of negative replies to your question, so I'll try to be a bit fairer.
The only way that I can see this working is if you're honest with him from the start. That means you tell him that whilst he's sweet and you like spending time with him, the only reason you've with him is his money. That means he knows you're not interested in commitment or him as a person. If he's happy to pay you for companion ship and sex then great. At least then you both know what you're getting in to.
It does work for some people. How many men visit the same prostitute over and over because they feel more comfortable getting their sex from someone they know? You never know it might work for you!
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (27 June 2014):
 You need to learn to earn a living so you don't sell yourself to someone for financial support. How is what you doing different to a prostitute other than the fact that guy willing enters into a transaction? Its your call, but remember can you hold your head high and say you are happy?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 June 2014):
 It's easy.
every time you provide services he pays you.
it's called prostitution and basically that is what you are asking for.
so you barter how much each blow job is worth
how much each act of sex is worth depending on the orifice.
you could even draw up a chart or tickets.
if you want to do cooking cleaning and laundry for him he can pay for those too.
that way you are not a gold digger.. .rather you are providing services for fees and its above board and you are not lying to him.
so present this to him as a business deal and negotiate your salary to be his assistant.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 June 2014):
 No lecture form this quarter.... Just a request: Please give us this guy's name, address and telephone number, so we can contact him and let him know what you are up to. He's entitled to that....
Have a nice day....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2014): So you're here asking for tips on how to use a person for their money?
Nope, not going to happen. We're here to help people to solve their problems, not help them fuck over other people and create more problems.
Your question wouldn't have even gotten through the mods, because frankly anyone who would think it okay to help you do this is an asshole.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (27 June 2014):
 If he is a lovely person then he doesn't deserve to be used by you for money. Find someone who is happy to be a sugar daddy rather than taking advantage of his kindness.
If you expect anyone on this site to offer advice as to how to use a guy for cash without him knowing then you are clearly as naïve as you are selfish.
My advice, ask yourself why you are so willing to use others and why need financial support. If you are 30+ and need a man to support you then maybe ask why you are in such a situation and why you expect a man you clearly only see for the £ to help you. If you want to use a guy for cash and he is naïve enough to go along with it then that is your business, but its clear from your words and actions that you are both selfish, cold and unable to stand on your own two feet. At some point this guy will cotton on and then you will be back to square one. He can move on and learn, you will be back to looking for hand outs.
Look at your own failings rather than take advantage of others acheivements.
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